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(  Noted consultant and word maven, Frank Luntz, told GOP House members at their annual weekend retreat in Baltimore they need to "re-frame the Giffords shooting as a 'metallic cranial opportunity.'"

Luntz addressed the legislators during a talk titled, "Language of America," with the subtitle, "Words To Keep Tricking The Tea Party Into Thinking You Have Its Best Interests At Heart."

Author of "Make Words Your Bitch" and "If Your Mouth Looks Pretty Even Vomit Tastes Good," Luntz warned incoming Republican congressional members that although the Tucson shooting "was bad for optics", they need to keep in mind, "It's not what you do, it's how you say what you do."

Luntz, Politifact's 2010 Lie of the Year award winner for promoting the GOP's use of  'government takeover' when discussing health care reform, not only suggested using the more tepid, "global warming" instead of the scarier "climate change,"  but is also credited with replacing the use of "Estate Tax",  a term reeking of the wealthy and privileged GOP base, with the more sinister sounding "Death Tax".

With the GOP fearing calls for more restrictive gun legislation, Luntz offered a few "word-meaning modifications" by cautioning the crowd on the need to deep six talk about large capacity gun magazines and replace it with "target capacity management assists."  Luntz also advised switching talk of "bullets" with the phrase "shinning lipstick-shaped fireworks."

With Americans' fondness of bright shiny objects and fireworks, Luntz predicted sales of bullets would double by the 4th of July.

The three day retreat concluded with a spectacular show of gun-related fireworks shot from a balcony of the Marriott Waterfront conference hotel over the Inner Harbor.

Following a number of complaints, House Speaker, John Boehner, was briefly detained by Baltimore police.  After what officers described as "an inconsolable crying jag", Boehner's office released the following statement.

"The speaker was given an emotional private tour of Baltimore police facilities with a caution to be careful shooting off shiny lipstick-shaped fireworks while drinking directly from the spigot of a large box filled with a grape beverage."


The GOP announced at the close of their Baltimore retreat they would change the name they use for the health care bill from "The Job Killing Health Care Bill" to "The Job Destroying Health Care Bill." Frank and his Republican followers decided destroying health care sounds more compassionate than killing health care.

Originally posted to freshrant on Mon Jan 17, 2011 at 07:10 PM PST.

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