On Wednesday I went to the board meeting of my homeowner’s association to take care of some business before our annual meeting. At the end of the meeting I made an off the cuff comment out being feeling stressed out by the recent events in Tucson. The President then commented to the effect that Ms. Giffords shouldn’t have held her Congress on the Corner meeting without having security – in essence blaming the victim. I knew she and her live in boyfriend were senior citizen teabaggers and I was ready to jump down her throat. (The old me would have.) I didn’t do it, though I did make some innocuous comment about costs. Why?
About ten years ago I picked up a copy of Richard Carlson’s book Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff (1997). One of the anecdotes in that book concerned a social situation in which was bragging about something that wasn’t true. Later, when he realized his error he asked his wife why she didn’t speak up and correct him since she was right and she explained that he was so obviously happy about what he was discussing that she saw no reason to interfere with that happiness. The point of the story was that everyone has to make the decision in life was to whether they want to be happy or right.
This was an ephinay to my then 55 year old mind. I realized the and there that I had been one of those pain in the ass people who wanted to be right, regardless of the consequences. I was all too willing to jump in whenever I perceived "error", be it with family, friend, co-worker or total stranger. Needless to say this sense of self-rightedness did not endear me to the people with whom I came in contact. I was definitely paying a price.
I decided after reading the story in the book that I would rather be happy than right. This choice increased my mental list of "none of my business" items a thousand fold. It did not remove my moral imperative to speak up when someone was being bullied, when someone was using offensive language, why someone was lying about someone else for their own benefit and any number of things where the cost my interference was worth the price.
This goes for my politics was well. I put a lot of time and energy into President Obama’s campaign in 2008. Fortunately I live in a liberal part of the Pacific Northwest and didn’t come across much nastiness. When I did come across some flak I tried not to argue with someone on why they were wrong but on the reasons my candidate was the better. I still have my Obama/Biden bumper sticker on my car. During tax season I work for a small firm whose partners are strongly Republican. While I could park everyday in the firm’s small lot, I chose to park on the street so as not to rub their noses in my opposition. I’m grateful to have the job.
So, to my neighbor. I had to bite my tongue. I know that both she and her boyfriend are on Social Security (as am I), but hear them talk about the evils of Socialism, etc. There is absolutely nothing I could say to her that is going to change her mind – all it would do would be to create animosity and that price seemed too high for an exercise in futility.