Skip to main content

CHRONIC TONIC posts on Thursdays at 9 p.m. EST, it is a place to share stories, advice, and information and to connect with others with chronic health conditions and those who care for them. Our diarists will report on research, alternative treatments, clinical trials, and health insurance issues through personal stories. You are invited to share in comments (and note if you'd like to be a future diarist).

Tonight's diary by: MsSpentyouth


I've had a few tremendously good health weeks lately. After more than a year without a voice (except for a couple weeks here and there), I have been able to talk with ease since a treatment around mid-December. I picked up a bug here and there but haven't been laid flat since Christmastime. I've been feeling well enough to diary a few times here on DailyKos, and I've been able to work my part-time job pretty much every weekend over the past month. I haven't fallen down once (knock wood) these past few weeks, and my daughter has allowed me to walk a few blocks on my own without worrying that I'm going to fall or unthinkingly just wander away and get lost.

It's been a good month. A great month. I feel ... well, I feel good.

Then why do I feel so bad?

Depression is common among people with chronic illness. Oftentimes, medical professionals expect a patient to feel hopeless and blue. Docs routinely watch for signs of depression after a heart attack or cardiac or cardiothoracic surgery, for instance.

Sometimes when we are feeling a little better but not like we "used to feel," hopelessness and despair settle in. It's so easy to see that there are the way things were before we got sick, and the way things are now. As much energy as I have now, for instance, is no comparison to how much I had not so long ago, when I was able to work two full-time jobs, care for my grown children and my granddaughter, and stay involved with my blogging activities, volunteer work, and keeping up with friends and family. Now I have no idea I could manage any of that, much less all of it.

Now that my thinking is less foggy than it's been for a while, I've been dealing with practical issues: finances, paperwork, disability claim, household administrivia, cats, getting the car registration renewed, etc. Which can seem overwhelming when it's all sitting there on the desk in front of me all together in big category piles arranged by order of screeching urgency. Really overwhelming. I used to be able to think of "planning for the future" as putting away funds for a trip to Iceland or making sure I lined up someone to assess for household repairs after hurricane season toward the end of the year. Things are at a more immediately urgent level right now, and I hadn't felt the urgency when I was super-sick. Now I'm better, and I am able to see exactly how many things have been left undealt-with.

But this is nothing new to anyone reading this. And I have no advice to offer, just an eager ear to learn from those who've made it through the storms.

How are you doing? How are you coping?

Please note in comments your interest in being a diarist. (We will happily format your diary for you, including links and pix!)
 Feb 03: Chacounne
 Feb 10: idahospud44
 Feb 17: IndyRobin
 Feb 25: Diarist needed

Originally posted to Chronic Tonic on Thu Jan 27, 2011 at 06:02 PM PST.

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site