Note: I wrote this piece late last night when I was in a mood. Given the historic event of the day, its tone may seem off-key. Or maybe not, on second thought. In any case, I decided to throw it up here because I'm going to take a break from blogging. See you all on 4, but not for a while.
Peace in the Middle East,
d
On my way to work I see, half a block away, a grungy guy begging, so I dig into my pocket for change, but I discover that the man isn't a beggar, or all that grungy, and the man isn't even a man, she's a middle-aged woman, gray hair tucked up beneath a hat, the kind with a flipped back fur flap across the forehead, and she's holding a sign, written in black marker on a piece of a box, that says: Where's My Bail Out?
I stop and give her thumbs up and she tells me she lost her job. She doesn't want money, she's just making a statement. You should go down to Wall Street, I say. She smiles. Already been, she says. I admire her. I do. Chris Hedges says, "No act of rebellion, however futile it appears in the moment, is wasted. Yet this woman's protest makes me sad and tired. What's the point?
I get to the office and the first thing I have to do is to write a piece supporting federal trials for terrorism suspects. It's a well-meaning task -- military commissions are, you know, unjust, unwise, and generally uncool -- but what I'm thinking as I try to write is that the federal trials I'm pushing are really just show trials where convictions are all but assured, and that in the case of unlikely acquittals, the government retains the authority to detain suspects -- how fuzzucked up is that? -- and that, in any case, my feeble words aren't going to make a damn bit of difference. What's the point?
* * * * *
Somehow I've gotten to be 41 years old. In many ways I like the man I've become, but I hate my mounting pessimism about our ability to change the world. Oh, I have brightish days when change seems possible, when I can see a path ahead, but on bad days, my pessimism feels a lot like its mean uncle, despair. It can be a productive emotion, despair. It's been the source of great comedy, great art, great philosophy. But in politics, it's useless. More than useless: poisonous. Fear I can use. And anger, anger I can work with. But despair is counterproductive. More than that; for a privileged person like me, it's indulgent.
I wasn't always pessimistic. What happened?
The world got shittier, that's what. Multi-national corporations got more powerful, the superrich got supericher, six banks got control of 60 percent of US GDP, the United States launched a perpetual war on a tactic (no, not drone attacks), corporate cash bankrolled a neo-racist movement on the right, Democrats got patheticer, Americans got poorer, more narcotized, ignoranter--
But so what? It's not the first dark time in the history of the world, to put it mildly. Sing it, Jeff.
Come on children, you’re acting like children
Every generation thinks it’s the end of the world
All you fat followers get fit fast
Every generation thinks it’s the last
Thinks it’s the end of the world
You can bet that activists during other dark times, the people who made a difference, didn't succumb to despair.
And I won't, either. I refuse to. I'll fight it off. I'll--
But my pessimism whispers to me; it says that this isn't just another bad time but the Big One, that we've passed the point of no--
But so what? We push on not because we're certain things will get better but because they might. Because things can always be worse. Because people need help. Because the world needs help. Because fighting for what is right and true is its own reward. Because there are values that transcend the political particulars of any moment, values that should define our movement and ourselves, values that we need to commit to even when -- especially when -- hope is hard to come by.
In his closing post at Openleft, which recently shut down, Matt Stoller wrote:
Before the Civil War, American slaves didn't believe in progress. And why should they have believed in progress? Many of them died in chains, their lives used purely as profit generators for the "owners" who often whipped and raped them. But they believed in dignity, and righteousness. That attitude comes closer to what I believe, than the frustratingly callous narrative which says that life in America always gets better, and if you don't see that, then you don't belong. Suffering and pain is real and inherent to life, and it doesn't mean there's something wrong with you to feel those emotions. In fact there's something wrong with you if you don't feel them. "Winning" or being on top isn't meaning, meaning is meaning.
No one gets out of here alive, nothing lasts, and humanity might be destroying itself, but we work to create a better world because that's who we are, or who we should aspire to be. I'm going to try to do a better job of living by my values, minimize my hypocrisy. I'm going to organize at the local level. And take inspiration from others. I'll blog less and march more. I'll teach writing in prisons. I'll work in groups but guard my independence. I'll teach my children well. And no, no, no, I won't go gentle into that Corporate Night.
UPDATE: Thanks for your kind words, and your unkind ones. People are inferring (understandably) that my break-taking has to do with recent pie fights, but no. Although the recent debates about Egypt have frustrated me, no question, I'm one of those strange ducks who come here partly for the debates, as maddening as they sometimes are. Daily Kos isn't quite what I want it to be, but I think that's it's strength: it's not quite what anyone wants it to be. Except maybe for Kos. But fuck him.
Anyway, I've found many of the comments is this thread inspiring. I recommend reading through them. Here are a couple of my faves:
geomoo:
Here's what A.J. Muste said, which happens to be a version of one of the most profound lessons from eastern thought.
Once Muste was approached by a reporter as he stood in the rain outside the WH, holding a candle in protest of the Vietnam War. The reporter asked, "Do you really think you are going to change the country by standing out here with that little candle?"
Muste replied, "I'm not doing this to change my country, I'm doing it so my country doesn't change me."
When most westerners first hear of the concept of non-attachment, not being attached to the fruits of one's labors, their first reaction is a deluded assumption that not caring about results means being passive, being unmotivated. This is mistaken. Commitment to responsible action for its own sake is actually more likely to create ongoing commitment and effectiveness. It is difficult, however, because it is selfless. It means stepping away from the bargaining we continually make with the universe--I'm going to do such and such a good work, and I want such and such a reward in return. It means acting selflessly for the pure sake of doing what is right. It means living in the dharma.
dizzydean:
I get it and I hate the helplessness that many feel due to the strength of the powerful forces aligned for their own aggrandizement, crushing the middle, working and poorer (especially the poorer) classes.
But, the battles already fought have taught a lesson--make do with what you have, take advantage of opportunities when they arise, and work towards making things will better as best you can. Patience in this arena is hard, especially when there is real suffering involved.
I had the opportunity several years ago to meet Vincent Harding (who wrote MLK's Vietnam speech). In his presentation at my school, a young black woman stood up and asked how to deal with the frustration of not getting change to happen quickly. Harding smiled and said that she had to understand that real change required a real commitment for which time had no meaning. He also told her that even if she only got one other person to agree with her and to make a similar effort, then she had increased her numbers by 100%...that this is the mindset we have to have to bring true change....one person by one person until we have many...
There's been a lot of bad shit happen in this world. Humans have the ability to kill each other on a scale unknown to history, yet they also can communicate in ways never dreamed of by the best of the Enlightenment thinkers. It's up to us to take these things and do with them what we can, hopefully for the better of all, for the true Rights of Man, and to struggle so that the few, the wealthy and the well-connected do not harvest the spoils of change for themselves.