From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I Know:
>> When it comes to playing percussion at protests, Democrats wipe the floor with Republicans. This also applies to bagpipes and trombones.
>> It's all well and good for all those Arab countries to non-violently overthrow their governments, sure, but it's downright rude that they didn’t at least ask us to put on a little display of shock 'n awe first. It makes us feel so…so...[Sniff!]...un-unilateral.
>> Netroots Nation in Minneapolis starts 112 days from now.
>> The first alien visitors will interpret our farts as high-level trade agreements, and they'll have trouble understanding why we propose them so often.
>> The presumed Republican presidential hopefuls are out in force insisting they won’t "apologize for America." Good. The way their party's been acting they should be apologizing to America.
>> The best thing about high-speed rail is the not flying part.
>> In America, a rising tide doesn’t lift all boats anymore. It just floats the Koch Brothers' yachts.
>> Daily Kos 4.0 is a classier place these days, thanks to the fancy font and curly fwoopdeedoos. Not enough to make me wear a tie while blogging, but more than enough to goad me into strapping on a cummerbund.
>> In anticipation of a government shutdown, I went out and bought a truckload of canned goods and bottled water. Also a bag of salt on account of we still have some ice on our sidewalk.
>> If you take every other word Glenn Beck says, and combine it with every other word Muammar Khaddafi says, you'll wind up with a Michele Bachmann speech.
>> If a federal judge declares the new health insurance law constitutional, the media won't talk about it. If a federal judge declares the new health insurance law unconstitutional, the media won't shut up about it.
>> Mika Brezinski is a real piece of ass. I know this because Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker confirmed it on the phone.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, February 24, 2011
Note: Look, I don’t want to alarm anybody, but…"Alaaaaaaaarm!!!!!"
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the Royal Wedding: 64
Days 'til the Knight Rider Festival in Las Vegas: 22
Amount the U.S. Treasury lost in 2009 making pennies: $19.8 million
(Source: Fast Company)
Percent drop in email use among 12-17 year-olds because they're now mostly communicating via texts and social networking sites: 59%
(Source: Time)
Percent chance that Scorpios had the fewest car accidents in 2010, according to an Allstate study: 100%
Percent chance that Virgos had the most car accidents in the same study: 100%
Percent chance that Allstate apologized for offending people with the survey: 100%
(Source: Chicago Breaking Business)
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
The redistribution of wealth upward keeps getting worse. Under President Bush's tax proposal, the richest 10 percent of Americans will get 60 percent of the benefits of the tax cut. And this is at the end of a decade in which the rich have made out like bandits while everyone else stalled.
We all know why such decisions are made: The political process no longer represents the people -- it represents money. It's been bought. While we were being sold a bill of goods about how the market "empowers" us because we get to choose between the mint-flavored and the cinnamon-flavored toothpaste, thus expressing our individuality, we lost something important in our vision of a just society.
---January, 2001
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Make that 34,000 friends…plus one.
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CHEERS to one Big Gay Day! And here I thought December 23rd (DADT repeal day) was going to be the high-water mark for the gay rights movement during Obama's first term. Nope---February 23rd saw the signing of the civil unions law in Hawaii (after 20 years of trying), and the president instructed the Justice Department to stop defending the constitutionality of the Defense of Marriage (aka "One Man, One Woman, Yadda Yadda Yadda") Act. John Aravosis at Americablog has been especially critical of the administration's pace on GLBT issues, but he's grinning this morning, I think:
This is welcome news from the Obama administration. Finally, some really fierce advocacy. … All the pressure---your pressure---mattered. We won because you didn't give up.
Gay marriage has long been one of the "other third rails" in politics, so kudos to Obama for daring to grab hold of it. Next: perhaps a few words about the Republican assault on women's rights and unions? A girl can dream…
CHEERS to firing up the old stratosphere-busting jalopy. The Space Shuttle Discovery is scheduled to puncture a hole in the heavens this afternoon and things look good:
Cryogenic propellants are flowing into space shuttle Discovery's external fuel tank this morning as the countdown to this afternoon's launch moves ahead. Liftoff time set for 4:50 p.m. The launch team performs the fueling operations by remote control from the Launch Control Center. The first phase of the fueling is called "slow fill" to allow the pumps, lines and tank to condition themselves to the super cold chemicals. The liquid oxygen is at minus-297 degrees F and the liquid hydrogen is at minus 423 degrees F. The propellants are used by the shuttle's three main engines at liftoff.
This is the final voyage of the mighty craft, after 24 years of service. If you plan on watching, bring a hanky.
JEERS to messing with the wrong general's wife. As if we needed more proof that Republicans don’t give much of a hoot about our troops and their families. Last weekend on Fox's GOP Talking Points Sunday, Chris Wallace highlighted the work being done by Holly Petraeus through a program “which aims to strengthen and support military families financially as part of the new Consumer Financial Protection Bureau” (yes, that dastardly CFPB that Elizabeth Warren is forging into a fraud-fighting machine) and "improve consumer protection measures for military families.” Her husband is, of course, Saint David Petraeus, the most revered military figure since, I believe, Hannibal. Wallace, however, failed to ask Mrs. Petraeus how she felt about Republicans in the House who had slashed funding for the Office of Servicemembers Affairs. I'm no expert, but judging by the unmanned drones that keep turning John Boehner's hair into spaghetti, pissed is what I'm guessing.
JEERS to really crappy odds. On February 24, 1836, 3,000 Mexicans attacked 182 Texans at The Alamo:
Brandishing his sword, General Ronald Reagan and his second-in-command, Colonel Rick Perry, took turns picking off the attackers as Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann loaded and fired the two functional cannons. As Democrats fled in panic, Dick Armey and members of the Tea Party arrived in the nick of time to save the day. The surrender ceremony was conducted on a battleship, followed by a ticker tape parade. That's why today San Antonio is the capitol of the United States and also why God hates Democrats.
Um, Texas school board textbook committee? I think we need to have a little chat.
JEERS to stepping from the frying pan into the fire. My new teabag-munching governor hasn’t tried to destroy our public unions…yet. But Paul LePage sure seems hellbent on destroying his relationship with minorities. After snubbing the NAACP last month during Martin Luther King, Jr. Day, he informed them that they could "kiss my butt." Then he promised to patch things up with them. Hasn’t happened yet. And when asked why, LePage said: "Quite frankly, the way I look at it is it's not my monkey, it's their monkey." Yeah…he played the monkey card. If he keeps this up, his popularity among Maine's African-Americans could plunge by half. From two to one.
P.S. While I was writing the above, I heard that LePage said this about the chemical additive bisphenol-A, which he wants to loosen restrictions on: "If you take a plastic bottle and put it in the microwave and you heat it up, it gives off a chemical similar to estrogen. So the worst case is some women may have little beards." What's really amazing is, they say this shit while they're sober.
CHEERS to the rocky, turbulent, cruel, cold yet somehow totally calming-to-the-soul Coast of Maine, especially as depicted by artist Winslow Homer, born on this date in 1836. And here's a handy art tip I learned recently: you can make a clean copy of a masterpiece by mashing a wad of Silly Putty into it and slowly peeling it off. That's also, by the way, a handy how-to-get-kicked-out-of-an-art-museum tip.
JEERS to your tax dollars hard at work. Remember Afghanistan? The place where we fly in huge pallets of cash for bribes and where our troops are still fighting and dying for the noble cause of [insert cause here when you figure out what it is]? Y'know…the place with lots of rocks, some of which dot the landscape but most of which are in Hamid Karzai's head:
Afghan women and public interest groups are opposing an effort of Afghan President Hamid Karzai to take over all of the shelters for abused and battered women. You may recall Karzai’s earlier feminist agenda when he initially support the legalization of rape. The new move is viewed as a way for the government to satisfy hardliners in blocking access to some women to shelters. The government is also expected to close some shelters entirely.
Not only are many shelters expected to be closed under Karzai’s plan but women will have to be subject to a medical review to be admitted to shelters and will be prevented from leaving the shelters. They will also be subject to periodic reviews with the possibility of being forced to leave the shelters.
When asked where he learned to treat women in such a shoddy and demeaning way, Karzai responded, "I believe you call it the House of Representatives." Silly man---the reason we get to do stuff like that to women and he can't is because we're civilized.
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Five years ago in C&J: February 24, 2006
CHEERS to the law of unintended consequences. Al Franken's latest Huffington Post column is a must-read. When Dick Cheney went into hiding after shooting a 78 year-old man in the face, he had no idea that he was transforming his national image from crusty old grandfatherly neocon to clumsy old trigger-happy crazy-uncle drunk. And no one deserves the drubbing more than Deadeye Dick.
JEERS to Starch Wars. Remember how neocon Republican lunkheads renamed French fries "freedom fries" back when our post-9/11 hysteria was at its height? Well, now Iran's post-Muhammad-cartoon hysteria has resulted in their renaming Danish pastries "Roses of the Prophet Muhammad." Y'know, I gotta say...freedom fries still sounds sillier.
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And just one more…
JEERS to the Keystone Morality Kop. Senator Harry Reid won few friends Tuesday when he gave a speech calling for an end to Nevada's brothels. Prostitution is already against the law in the state's larger cities, and exists---heavily regulated, we might add---only in the sticks. But despite the stony silence from the audience, Reid stuck by his guns. He believes that if you really want to pay someone to screw you, nobody does it better than Congress.
Have a nice Thursday. Don’t be a classhole. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"When a human is bitten by Bill in Portland Maine, we can observe many different symptoms including priapism, a condition in which the penis is continually erect.”
---Dr. Kenia Nunes
Medical College of Georgia
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