GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting, please -- join us! We kindly ask that politics be left out.
You can also click the GUS tag to view all diary posts, or access the GUS Library at dKosopedia for a great list of stop-smoking links. Check it out!
A message to ALL quitters: you don't have to avoid GUS if you have a failed quit. We won't give you a bad time and we consider the failed quits as "practice" for the real quit.
Those of us with long memories may recall a moment as a very young child when stuff just wasn't going our way, or we wanted something so much we almost couldn't bear it. When our wishes were denied or our will thwarted, we did what came naturally, and had ourselves a little meltdown.
You remember tantrums, right? Those little explosions of "NO!! NOOOOOO!!! NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!" or "...but I WANT it!!" that bubble up from your Id and burst forth, unbidden, leaving chaos, supermarket aisle messes, and embarrassed parents and siblings in their wake?
They were kind of awesome, actually.
Well, not so much the aftermath, when you've been hauled out of the store, your wishes unmet, fighting a bad case of the post-crying hiccups, still struggling with the frustration of being denied. Maybe you're a little embarrassed after figuring out that there is a difference between "good attention" and "bad attention," or nursing hurt feelings (or a sore butt) after being disciplined for not getting that sorted out earlier. No, the aftermath of one of those episodes -- especially a public one -- is not always a good thing.
But in the moment? I seem to remember that those meltdowns kind of rocked.
I remember the relief of just giving in to the feelings, of sinking down and hollering as loud as I could and flailing around. It felt good, even a little powerful, making grown-ups pay attention to you. Even better, it felt like it just might work, and I was nothing if not results-oriented as a kid. Of course, just as we may forget the details of whatever it was that set us off on that long-ago day, memory also glosses over the fact that those tactics didn't really help us get what we wanted. We might remember the raw feelings of the experience, but not internalize its outcome, or we might just reduce things to their most basic level: "Well, that didn't work. Next time, I'll have to do something else." Or, perhaps, "Well, I didn't get what I wanted, but at least Mom paid attention to me, and that's better than nothing."
As we get older, most of us develop more grown-up coping mechanisms for stressors, different ways of dealing with impulsive urges. Some are good (other-awareness, self-restraint, counting to ten, walking away, working through the problem to get to the root of things, talking ourselves out of it) and others perhaps not-so-good (self-medication, slamming doors, road rage, ranting on message boards, picking fights with those near and dear).
Pop quiz, hotshot: when your preferred coping mechanisms are off-limits (no, you can't flame that jerk in accounting via company email, work is not a message board; yes, driving the dillweed who cut you off in traffic into a ditch might end badly; and sorry, but running over your neighborhood nemesis in the grocery store parking lot is frowned upon in polite society, and may in fact break a few laws. And before you ask, no, you really can't have a cigarette to "calm your nerves"), what do you do?
Well, I could reiterate the usual things (heck, I already listed a few above), but I'm going to suggest something else, too: give in to the meltdown. Just a little bit.
Pent-up feelings and frustrations come with the territory of addiction, but they're not limited to addicts and people attempting behavior modification. Unless we live in some kind of Magical Calmness Bubble, at one with the Universe and all its inhabitants, stuff is going to rub us the wrong way, impulses will strike, and our levels of frustration will ratchet up based on the things we experience during the course of an average day. And eventually we realize that gritting our teeth, taking the high road, rising above, and otherwise acting like we're above having hurt or angry feelings is not always the way to go. Sometimes, it's good to speak up and say "no mas!"
I'm not suggesting that the next time you don't get exactly what you want, when you want it, you plunk yourself down and start wailing, kicking and screaming. But it might not be the end of the world if you vent your frustration, just a smidge. It's okay to yell a little bit, just be mindful where you do it (pillows are good. So is the shower (if you don't live in an apartment building, that is...it's a good idea to avoid worrying the neighbors). Sometimes you really do need to slam a door or toss something (I need not point out something non-lethal or unlikely to do much damage, right?). Online interaction got you down? Rather than get swept up in yet another frustrating, endless meta battle, why not climb into a flameproof suit and wade into Enemy Territory with a blowtorch, or take on the Troll Army?
And maybe, just maybe, you do need to just cry like a frustrated toddler for a little while. What's the worst thing that can happen if you do? Sometimes, we all need to kick off the Big Girl Shoes or lose the Big Boy Pants and embrace the tantrum.* The process might even help you articulate things that may be sources of ongoing frustration, and get you started on a solution. If you're worried about what this might do to those closest to you, well, at the end of the day, I'm guessing your dog (or cat, or kid, or partner, or parent, or sibling, or friends) will still love you. And you might feel good enough to step back with a clearer head and figure out what went wrong, and how to avoid it happening again.
*Do not try this at work. Or at the DMV. And church is probably out of the question, too.
Is this not the most impressive list of quitters you have ever seen? Behold the mighty mighty GUS Team!
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, Alpha99, A Man Called Gloom, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, aquarius2001, arcadesproject, Archie2227, arodb, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, awkawk, b4uknowit, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, b barrie, bdizz, beatpanda, BFSkinner, bgblcklab1, BigAlinWashSt, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, BJKay, bleeding heart, blingbling65, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, BlueJessamine, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrenP, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, buddabelly, burrow owl, BusyinCa, Carol in San Antonio, CathodeRay, cee4, Cen Den, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, cinnamondog, citizenx, Cleante, Code Monkey, Colorado is the Shiznit, coloradomomma, Common Sense Mainer, congenitalefty, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, Dauber, Dauphin, demkat620, Dexter, Diana in NoVa, Dickie, DiegoUK, Dingodude, dirtdude, distraught, djMikulec, dolfin66, donnamarie, Donna O, dotsright, DRo, droogie6655321, duckhunter, Eclectablog, EdgedInBlue, effervescent, El barragas, el vasco, ericlewis0, Everest42, Ex Con, fhamme, Fineena, fiona2, fishhawk, Flea, FlipperWaves, flumptytail, FrugalGranny, Garrett, Gator, gchaucer2, Geiiga, Georgianna Darcy, glpaul, GN1927, gooderservice, gooners, gravlax, greylox, grndrush, GrumpyWarriorPoet, Haole in Hawaii, HappyinNM, henlesloop, HeyMikey, hideinplainsight, High Tide, hiliner68, hold tight, hulibow, I love OCD, Im a frayed knot, imisa, Indexer, indubitably, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, I said GOOD DAY sir, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, janl1776, JayinPortland, jayjaybear, jbou, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, Joe's Steven aka Steven, john07801, johngoes, jsfox, JVolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, kai99, kailuacaton, kat herder, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Kitsap River, kittania, Kodiak54, Ksholl, labwitchy, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, Lahdee, langerdang, LarsThorwald, last starfighter, LaughingPlanet, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, lockewasright, longislandny, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, mango, Marc in KS, marknspokane, maryabein, Matt Esler, mdemploi, Micburke, michael1104, Mikeguyver, MillieNeon, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, Missys Brother, mjbleo, MnRaindog, Morague, Mr Bojangles, mrsgoo, mskitty, msmacgyver, MsWings, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, NearlyNormal, Nedsdag, Nick Zouroudis, notgivingup, NY brit expat, one pissed off democrat, operculum, OrangeMike, Ordvefa, OverTheEdge, paige, PaintyKat, paradox, parryander, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, Proud Mom and Grandma, psycho liberal, ptolemynm, Purple Priestess, PvtJarHead, racheltracks, randallt, real world chick, red mittens, Reepicheep, regis, relentless, revelwoodie, revsue, Rex Manning, rexymeteorite, RiaD, rickeagle, ridemybike, rightiswrong, rincewind, rkex, roadlion, Roger Fox, Rosebuddear, roses, rscopes, Rudini, Safina, SallyCat, Sark Svemes, sboucher, scooter in brooklyn, Scrapyard Ape, seenaymah, sfbob, sgary, Shahryar, sheddhead, Shifty18, shmuelman, shopkeeper, slowbutsure, smartcookienyc, smeesq, snoopydawg, snorwich, SnyperKitty, SoCalHobbit, sofia, soonergrunt, sostos, sowsearsoup, SpecialKinFlag, spmozart, spotDawa, SpotTheCat, StateofGrace, Statusquomustgo, sunbro, Super Grover, tallmom, Tay, teknospaz, ThAnswr, theatre goon, The Eyewitness Muse, TheStoopingRabbit, TigerMom, tiredofcrap, tonyahky, Toyotabob7, Treefrog, triciawyse, trs, trueblueliberal, ttanner, Tulsonian, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, Tyto Alba, uc booker, Unduna, Unforgiven, ursoklevar, Vacationland, valadon, Vayle, Vetwife, vgranucci, waytac, webranding, weelzup, Wes Opinion, willy be frantic, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, wolfie1818, Wordsinthewind, Wreck Smurfy, x, yet another liberal, Zotz
Had some experience with the effects of smoking? Has your life been affected by smoking or smokers in your life?
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