George W Bush made it through 8 years of criminality without being impeached. Why? Because half of us called him Chimp and the other half Shrub, and thus he beat a divided blogosphere. We can't allow that to happen again.
He's the one with charisma. The dark horse Republican candidate who broke away from the pack of second and third-tier candidates in 2008 and built himself a national following. He's the one who pardoned or commuted the sentences of every Arkansas convict who could say with a straight face "I was saved by Jesus!" (including one who subsequently murdered four cops in Seattle). He's a great friend and big fan of Chuck Norris, the neanderthal martial artist who makes Bruce Lee look like a great actor. Those of us who are sick of GOP politicians telling us that we must accept the Law of Jesus in the United States will reminisce about the days of Ronald Reagan if Huckabee is elected president. And now he is burnishing his birther credentials by rewriting the history of Barack Obama's life.
But enough about him. What is more important that having a serious conversation about this Southern preacher who has got zero chance of getting elected president is deciding what in the heck we ought to call him.
For all the bad things you can say about Huckabee, you have to admit he's got a helluva funny name. And in politics, having a funny, or in any way memorable, name is an asset. Which is why it is vitally important, possibly a matter of the survival of our nation, that we come up with just the right nickname for the bastard. When we unite behind a nickname, we win (e.g. Richard Nixon, who resigned from office shortly after everyone started calling him Tricky Dick). So vote for your favorite, and commit to abiding by the results of this poll, forever.