Japan disaster relief sites list
From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Late Night Snark to End a !#&%!! of a Week:
"It turns out that the Republican budget that they submitted for next year slashes funding for the agency that issues tsunami warnings and organizes responses to the tsunami. In their defense, Republicans say that tsunamis are just a theory. They are not a real threat like ACORN, the Black Panthers, NPR, and math teachers in Wisconsin."
---Bill Maher
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"I gotta say that's impressive how polite Wisconsinites remain in the face of an explosive, emotional situation. Seriously, dude. Fumble your order in a New York City Starbucks and watch how quicky the shit hits the fan."
---Jon Stewart
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"Airlines are considering charging for reclining seats. Also, your scrotum now counts as a carry-on bag."
---Stephen Colbert
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"Tim Pawlenty is not here---he’s hard on the campaign trail. To be honest, I think the American people are going to have some tough questions for Tim. Specifically: who are you and where did you come from? Which is okay---two years into my presidency and I’m still getting those questions."
---President Obama at the Gridiorn Dinner
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"Newt [Gingrich] says he cheated on two of his wives because he was too consumed with love for his country. Apparently he misunderstood the phrase, 'Please rise for the Pledge of Allegiance.'"
---Conan O'Brien
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"A high school science teacher in Missouri resigned this week after a student discovered that she'd once been a porn star. I'm just amazed that the student survived the brain explosion that must occur when your teacher shows up in the porn you're watching."
---Seth Meyers
And this:
Rep. Michele Bachmann: Y'know, Sean, I had no idea that Representative Weiner was such a huge reader of fiction. He's a huge fiction reader because that's all of his numbers…
Rep. Anthony Weiner: I don’t think you wanna go there, Bachmann. … For her to make fun of me for not knowing fact from fiction is a bit ironic, to say the least."
---Wednesday's Sean Hannity Show
Along with his spot-on rant over the GOP's "emergency" defunding of NPR, Weiner adds weight to my theory that we don’t just need more progressives in Congress. We need more progressive smartasses in Congress.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, March 18, 2011
Note: Here's this evening's Sanjay Gupta Miracle Health Tip: for optimal results that last well into old age, keep breathing.
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By the Numbers:
Days `til spring: 2
Days `til the Wisconsin Film Festival in Madison: 12
Miles between the crippled nuke plants in Japan and thr California coast: 5,478
Number of costume changes in the musical Priscilla, Queen of the Desert, which opened on Broadway this month: 261
Number of wigs used in the show: 72
(Source: Equality magazine)
Percent growth in e-book sales from 2009 to 2010: 164%
Rank of the farewell scene in E.T. among the most tear-jerkiest scenes in the movies: #1
(Source: The Daily Mail)
Minimum number of groups that have formed so far at the NEW Daily Kos: 398
(Source: Land of Enchantment)
And from the Department of Homeland Security:
Days the color-coded federal terror alert system has been in place: 3,294
Days spent at terror alert level Blue or Green: 0
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Oh, if I had a nickel for every time I've purchased a 1.5-million-dollar mutt…
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CHEERS to the great gold Russ of 2011. Netroots Nation popped the cork on its agenda yesterday and, if I may say, they're off to a good start:
These last few months we’ve watched firsthand how corporations are increasingly taking over our government. Their special interests are trying to override the rights of the everyday worker, the hard-working unions and the American people in general. That is why we’re excited to announce that Senator Russ Feingold will join us this June in Minneapolis as our opening keynote speaker.
Scuttlebutt around the interwebs is that Russ could be the Democrats' choice for governor in Wisconsin after Scott Walker-Koch gets recalled next year. Registration info for the convention is here, and don’t forget about the 40 scholarships available, which include registration and hotel accommodations. The fun starts in 90 days. (Not that we're counting.)
JEERS to pandemonium. The response to Japan's nuclear disaster continues to consist of panic, fear and unbridled chaos. Not in Japan, where things are surprisingly calm, but here in America where irrational yahoos are stockpiling and sucking down potassium iodide pills---or, even worse, fake ones sold by hucksters---like candy. STOP!!! Everyone repeat after endocrinologist Stewart Weiss: Taking iodide could worsen existing thyroid conditions...or lead to side effects such as skin lesions, and be harmful to children in excessive doses. So you don’t need potassium iodide which, by the way, the government already has stockpiled for emergencies. And to answer the question you're about to ask me: I'm only wearing this new lead-lined Snuggie because it's wicked cozy.
CHEERS to the international cavalry. You know you've gone too far when a) the United Nations rousts itself from its slumber and passes a resolution authorizing unlimited force to stop you from killing your own people, and b) leading the charge is none other than France. That's what happened to Libya yesterday, and their response was swift and defiant:
[Blink!]
With the U.S. on board as part of the Coalition of the Fly-Swatting, it means we're now embroiled in three armed conflicts "over there." On C&J's agenda this weekend: expanding our victory garden.
CHEERS to the fountain of Ruth. Yesterday we heard that the average American's lifespan keeps rising---it's 78 now. But that's nothing compared to my partner Michael's grandmother, who turns 98 tomorrow. Ninety eight! She still has her marbles, goes to church on Sunday and plays squash twice a day. It's mind-boggling to revisit where our country was when she was born...in 1913:
The National Woman's Party formed, but women wouldn;t have the right to vote for seven more years
The 16th Amendment establishing the income tax was ratified
Woodrow Wilson succeeded William Howard Taft
The first U.S. paved coast-to-coast highway opened
Henry Ford started using a moving assembly line
The first modern elastic bra was patented
Charlie Chaplin started his film career
...and President Wilson said America would never attack another country.
It's been awfully quiet ever since. Happy Birthday, Gram...and 98 great big blessings on your camels.
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Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man. Simon Johnson at The New York Times asks: Who’s Afraid of Elizabeth Warren?
Vultures.
Now back to Cheers and Jeers.
Gong! Gong!! BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!
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CHEERS to Spring! Q: Where do people go to take classes about the seasons? A: At the School of Hard Vernal Equinox! Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!! No, but seriously, as you're choking on your veal I'll take this opportunity to point out that as soon as the sun crosses over the equator at 7:21pm EDT Sunday, I shall put on my tutu, strap on my fairy wings, run outside and skip barefoot through the barley fields with the wee village folk to celebrate the official end of winter. If history repeats itself, I'll end up squishing several of them (they're really wee), but their screams will fall on deaf ears because, really, this is supposed to be a happy time and they're not going to ruin it for me again. Memo to daffodils: start poinking!
P.S. Once customs officials give 'em their full-body-cavity searches, the swallows will be returning to the San Juan Capistrano Mission in California tomorrow. The annual event is popular with budding young lovers who are on a budget. It's a cheep date.
CHEERS to "Uncle Jumbo." Happy Birthday to #22 and #24, Grover Cleveland, born March 18, 1837. He'll forever be known as "that guy who was president twice," a feat we'll probably never see again unless Jimmy Carter or George H.W. Bush want to take another shot at the White House in 2016. According to Cormac O'Brien's book Secret Lives of the U.S. Presidents, in the 1870s, Cleveland, as sheriff of Erie County, Pennsylvania, "personally threw the noose around the necks of two convicted criminals," making him the only American president who personally hanged someone. That is, if you don't count #43, who did a pretty good job hanging himself.
CHEERS to home vegetation. Hoops hoops hoops! NCAA basketball action tops this weekend's TV-worthy events. Meanwhile on HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher talks with Israeli ambassador to the U.S. Michael Oren, Richard Belzer, Dan Neil, Erica William, and Annabelle Gurwitch. The big DVD release this week is The Fighter, which features Oscar-winning performances by Christian Bale and Melissa Leo. (Harry has the full list at Ain't It Cool News). Pee-Wee Herman's Broadway show gets the HBO treatment tomorrow night at 10. On 60 Minutes: Catholic sex scandals, charter schools, and scrubbing Mark Twain's judicious use of the word "nigger" from Huckleberry Finn. And here's your Sunday morning lineup (gee, what on earth will the beltway crowd have to talk about???):
Meet the Press: Energy Secretary Steven Chu; Energy Committee chairman Sen. Jeff Bingaman (D-NM), former DHS head Tom Ridge, and nuclear expert James Acton on Japan; roundtable with Mark Halperin, EJ Dionne, Kim Strassel and Helene Cooper.
This Week: Once again, no update on their web site, so we'll assume the discussion will focus on Japan and Libya. Plus dry snippy quips about how President Obama can't relate to the average American from chardonnay-sipping Washington D.C. elitist insider aristocrat George Will.
GPS with Fareed Zakaria: Paul Wolfowitz, one of the biggest asshole failures in U.S. history, talks about the need to nuke Libya ASAP; economist and author Michael Lewis on the state of the U.S. economy. (Spoiler Alert: Been better!)
CNN's State of the Union: Japan, Libya.
Face the Nation: Energy Secretary Steven Chu and Rep. Ed Markey (D-MA) on Japan.
Washington Week: Tom Gjelten of NPR, Coral Davenport of National Journal and David Wessel of The Wall Street Journal on Japan.
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: Energy Secretary Steven Chu; Sens. Lindsay Graham (R-SC) and Jack Reed (D-RI) on Libya; Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) and Rep. Jim Jordan (R-OH) on how to ease the suffering of rich people on the backs of poor people.
Happy viewing!
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Five years ago in C&J: March 18, 2006
JEERS to unfinished business. All eyes were on the Iraqi parliament, which met for the first time to move the fledgling democracy forward by putting aside petty squabbles and addressing the needs of the citizenry. C&J has obtained a full transcript of yesterday's session: "Meeting is called to order meeting is adjourned thanks for coming goodbye and drive safely." It was the most productive day in the country's history.
CHEERS to sneak previews. Rep. Nancy Pelosi offers a peak into the upcoming Democratic plan to win the hearts and minds of America:
America lags behind other countries that have universal broadband deployment, Pelosi said; but the Democrats' agenda "guarantees" that every American will have affordable access to broadband within five years.
If you could just replace the word "affordable" with "free," you might have something there. [3/18/11 Update: Bet she's glad she didn't say "money-back" guarantee.
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And just one more…
JEERS to shock and "Aw, I really wish they hadn’t done that." Tomorrow marks the eighth anniversary of the invasion of Iraq---aka the Bush/Cheney legacy's ball 'n chain, aka the "2,912 Day and Counting War." That's more than twice as long as our involvement in World War II.
As the war's architects and cheerleaders try to rehabilitate their images by crapping out error-riddled books sprinkled with revisionist fairy dust (Bush's and Rumsfeld's are the latest), let's remember what they and their media enablers really said before and after it all went down. Things like this:
"My belief is we will, in fact, be greeted as liberators."
---Dick Cheney (3/16/03)
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"Facing clear evidence of peril, we cannot wait for the final proof---the smoking gun that could come in the form of a mushroom cloud."
---George W. Bush (10/7/02)
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My colleagues, every statement I make today is backed up by sources, solid sources. These are not assertions. What we're giving you are facts and conclusions based on solid intelligence."
---Colin Powell, United Nations Speech (2/5/03)
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"[T]he area in the south and the west and the north that coalition forces control is substantial. It happens not to be the area where weapons of mass destruction were dispersed. We know where they are. They're in the area around Tikrit and Baghdad and east, west, south and north somewhat."
---Donald Rumsfeld (3/30/03)
And as an extra bonus, here's a gem I found this week from GOP Presidential wannabebutneverwillbe Rick Santorum that proves he's a fucking moron:
"We have found weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, chemical weapons," Sen. Rick Santorum, R-Pa., said at an afternoon news conference. [...]
One senior Defense Department official told Fox News the chemical weapons were not in useable conditions. "This does not reflect a capacity that was built up after 1991," the official said, adding the munitions "are not the WMDs this country and the rest of the world believed Iraq had, and not the WMDs for which this country went to war."
As we eagerly anticipate the final withdrawal of our resilient troops from Iraq, the con artists want you---and everyone---to forget why they were sent there in the first place. All I can say is: fat chance.
Weekend Fun Tip: Hang out with your Peeps. Enjoy! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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