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Life, like the tides comes in and goes out, it rises and falls.  

Many things have changed here on Baked Potato Island, and many are the same.

My arms are too short to reach across the world and hold the woman I love.

The galley is set in and soon to be finished out and ready to be kashered for pesach.  The new fridge is huge - I had to rearrange things at the last minute but it all fit - sink, new stove, fridge - even enough bench space to have a fleishig and milchig side.  

Nigel is asleep at my side, the door is open to the breeze and the sky is a lank blue streaked with light and clouds.   He's cleared himself a spot on the shelf above the couch to look out the window and watch the birds on the docks.

The ducks are out and about in their couples and groups, mostly mallards, the occasional buffleheads and some others that I haven't been able to identify - fat feathered flotillas that quack taunts at the seagulls on the rooftops.  

This is the month of Pasta as my adopted older brother Eli and I call it - time to clear out the chometz before Pesach.  I happen to like pasta, so that's not a problem, but I do have a lot of it to get through!  The Mormon tendencies die hard.

My partner has two children I adore, a 16 year old daughter and an 11 year old son.  Both of them are bright, funny, friendly, outgoing, hard working - Ms.16 just won an award at school for being top of the class in 11 subjects.  She's also a cutter.

I was never a cutter, I preferred anorexia and systematically burning the soles of my feet. My partner was and she's tried to let Ms.16 know that she has done it and get it and is there for her - but all that has gotten us is "Mummy, wake up, I need a bandage," and another round of visits to the counselors and some days off school while her arm heals up.

The latest round of this occurred this past weekend with 2 days of appointments and consultations and stress - they tried to get her to talk, suggested she try ice instead of cutting, she was responsive - and then this morning I get a text saying Ms.16 is in hospital and Mr.Cool is freaked.

I can't do anything from here.  Yes, I can listen to her when she gets a chance to text or IM me in between appointments and working and taking care of them - but I can't do anything to really help.  I can't make dinner or clean the house.  I can't take Mr.Cool to footy while she gets a nap in or tries to spend time with Ms.16.  I can't hold her in my arms and tell her we will hang in there and get through it together.

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (4+ / 0-)

    And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

    by Mortifyd on Wed Mar 23, 2011 at 01:50:59 PM PDT

  •  I'm so sorry you have to deal with this (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Mortifyd

    at all, much less at a distance. Please know that i am sending good thoughts your way, and hope for the very best for you and your loved ones.

    Anyone who scoffs at happiness needs to take their soul back to the factory and demand a better one. -driftglass

    by postmodernista on Wed Mar 23, 2011 at 09:49:00 PM PDT

    •  thank you (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      postmodernista

      We've had ups and downs like any couple but we hang in there - but this is just a new thing that we were not expecting to be hit with, particularly given the level of involvement she has in the kids lives and levels of trust between them until now.

      And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

      by Mortifyd on Thu Mar 24, 2011 at 12:34:26 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  evidently- (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Mortifyd

        you have love. It is hard to weather the storms that the world will put upon you, but very important that the pair of your are together, even if that is spatially, physically together. Sounds like you ground each other, to me......

        Anyone who scoffs at happiness needs to take their soul back to the factory and demand a better one. -driftglass

        by postmodernista on Thu Mar 24, 2011 at 12:49:08 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  we do for sure (0+ / 0-)

          We've weathered 8 years with 1 visit between us in two different hemispheres.  I don't know how to explain it but we knew from the time we accidentally met via email that was it.

          So we will get through this just like we have everything else since 2003 and keep slogging on.  Either we will eventually get a break somewhere or we will beat the universe into submission.   We're open to either way. :D

          And we sail and we sail and we never see land, just the rum in the bottle and a pipe in my hand...

          by Mortifyd on Thu Mar 24, 2011 at 01:31:48 AM PDT

          [ Parent ]

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