In less than two months I turn 65. In a normal world, and were I a normal person, I might well be ending my work career and moving on. But little is normal.
I am not eligible for full Social Security for another year.
Still, on Saturday I went to a pre-retirement conference sponsored by my school system to explore my options, among other reasons because of one thing - this year only, with our school system under extreme financial pressure, there is a possible one-time only $20,000 payment for highly paid teachers to retire. I needed to explore options to ensure I was making the best possible decision.
Yesterday when I returned home I had my retirement pay estimate from the state of Maryland teachers are part of the state retirement system, which is itself changing. To continue to earn the same benefits we will at a minimum have to contribute an additional 2% of our salary (it could be 3%) because the pension is underfunded - the state has not been making its employer's share of the pension obligation, which is what caused the shortfall. And since our pay in our system is frozen, that means our take-home pay will be decreases some, even as costs for things like health insurance go up.
I felt I had to consider all options. Among these were retiring from my current job and seeking other employment, either teaching elsewhere or doing other work, at least for a year until Social Security kicked in.
Except in a sense I had already decided. And the reasoning was not financial.
I am getting old. I feel it. Right now I am exhausted by the schedule I have been leading. As lead union rep for more than 100 teachers in our building I have had to spend a lot of time helping other people on issues like their potential retirement. I have had to stay informed on the financial issues within the school system so that I can knock down rumors, make sure people have accurate information. Knowing that teaching jobs are being eliminated I have had to help people understand what the proposals from the school system administration mean to them.
Meanwhile there are issues that affect our students. Parents who trust me ask me to explain what they are. Students who are concerned raise them in class, or in the hallway.
I am doing too much. I know it. It is affecting my teaching, because I am tired.
There are frustrations with students, who each year arrive in our building less prepared, less skilled, a direct result of what has happened to their schooling because of No Child Left Behind. This year my Advanced Placement (college level) classes are way too large - 36-38-38 - meaning it is much harder to get student-led discussions going, and too many students can remain uninvolved, not participating. When I wrote recently about the film on Finland's schools, I should have mentioned that the Ambassador pointed out one major commitment Finland has made is to keep class sizes around 20. I have one class of 19 in a special program. My other two non-AP classes are shrinking, now 25 and 28. Some students have been withdrawn because they lived out of district. Several were withdrawn to avoid being expelled. One was transferred to a school for students with behavioral problems. Thus what had been at one point a load of 194 students is now ONLY 184. Still too many, and I become tempted to consider the option of teaching in one of several charter schools in the District where my load would be far less, under 100. I would not need so much time outside of school hours to correct papers, to contact parents, to write letters of recommendation. All of that is exhausting as well as time-consuming.
But then there is this. I could file for retirement and move to teach in one of those charters, or perhaps in a public school in Virginia (although openings are tight). I could consider moving to a different kind of work. Normally I could approach people I know in politics or in one of the teachers' unions and look for a job. I have the requisite skills. But in politics and government a lot of jobs for Democrats disappeared when we lost control of the House, and with no prior Hill experience it is now far more difficult to obtain that kind of employment. Whether there or for one of the unions, I would immediately lose my own voice - what I write would no longer be considered as MY thoughts but as representative of my employer. I do not want to lose my voice.
All of that pales when compared to this. Even now, with more than 2 months left in the school year, and almots 5 months until the next school year begins, it is not clear that the school could obtain a competent replacement for me, someone skilled and experienced in teaching the Advanced Placement classes. No one in our building is trained for it, although one woman has expressed an interest in obtaining the training. IN about a week we will see if anyone with experience applies to transfer to our school. But what if no one experienced does?
I have no legal obligation to give my school notice. After all, legally I can announce I am not coming back at any point, and contractually I have until July 15. Were I retiring I have until July 1 to retire, which means I have until about June 1 to file my notice - that is, if I want to be eligible for any cost of living adjustment for the following year on the state pension, because one is eligible for the COLA only after a full year of retirement. If there is a COLA, which is of course itself in doubt.
I feel an obligation to the school.
I feel a greater obligation to the students. Next year I may have even more AP students. There are 138 signed up, and my department has agreed to go to four sections of 30-33. Almost 1/4 of those signed up are younger siblings of students I have taught or coached (soccer or musical theater) who are signing up precisely to have me as a teacher.
Even more, if I am not coming back, I would feel an obligation to tell my current students, to explain that it is not because of them. Yet that would have some impact upon them as they prepare for external tests, AP or state.
And I would miss the students. Yes, I would have relationships with students were I to teach in a DC charter or a Virginia public school. A former colleague at my current school who teaches at a very good private school in DC has suggested I explore teaching there, and since they pay well by private school standards it would be tempting financially, I would not have to deal with the discipline problems a major part of two of my classes. Except I am still committed to making public schools work, to serving those students who don't have the option of a superb private school.
Had I doubts, the past few weeks would almost certainly have overcome them. As I have participated in the competition for a DFA scholarship to Netroots Nation, I have been overwhelmed by the support I have received from students, present and former, and by their parents. In some cases all I needed to see was the names: one current student got 3 additional members of her family to vote for me at the same time as she did. In others it was the comments - that I was the best teacher they had had, or one of the best, or someone who challenged them. That competition is now over. Later today I will officially hear what I already know - that I finished second, meaning I won one of the three automatic spots. I have already tentatively arranged with someone at DFA to give me either a printout or a pdf of all the names and the complete comments (which were somewhat truncated online) - my wife wants me to look at that anytime I doubt myself, or what I am doing.
yes, there are wonderful comments from people who read what I write here. There are strong statements from notable people in education, and a few in politics and government.
But what means the most is the statements and the support from those I have taught, and from their families.
I am getting old.
I tire far more easily.
I regularly wonder if what I am doing can make a difference, whether it is worth it.
I sometimes question my own effectiveness.
Then I walk into school. Former students greet me in the hallway, some stopping to tell me where they have gotten in for post-secondary education - it is that time of the year, and there is a mixture of excitement and disappointment. What matters is that they want to share both with me.
I walk into my classroom. My mind begins racing, thinking about how perhaps I will change what I have planned, to include something in the news, or adjusting based on reading the previous day's homework, or reflecting upon what has happened in class.
Students will begin to come into my room. Some perhaps resent me. But most are glad to see me, even on a day like today, when my AP students will be taking an exam.
I consider leaving teaching. Then I think of the kids.
I consider leaving my school. Then I think of MY kids.
I am, for better or worse, a teacher.
It gives my life meaning.
It might be exhausting.
It certainly puts financial strains upon our family.
I could retire.
Not this year.
Each year I will have to again ask myself what makes sense.
Each year the financial issues will be far less important than the answer to one simple question: can I still teach effectively, with integrity? If the answer to that question remains affirmative, I will remain in the classroom. Unless my students or my peers or my administration tells me that I am no longer effective, unless I feel that I can no longer perform my responsibilities with integrity, it is the classroom that I will stay.
It is the contact with the students that gives my life meaning.
I am lucky.
That meaning is worth far more to me than the financial matters.
We might have to sell the house. We might have to give up one car. Not yet, but theoretically. But I know, and my wife knows, that I would be insufferable were I to leave the classroom while I could still make a difference.
Yes, I am getting old.
But I am still very fortunate.
I will do the financial calculations.
But I will stay in the classroom. In the school to which I will again travel this morning.
For better or worse, I am a teacher.
I may think about retirement.
But not yet. Not for me.
Thanks for letting me share.
Peace.