I apologize in advance of your reading for my crassness, insensitivity and downright ugliness contained in this post. Unfortunately, this side of me came out due to a little mishap last Thursday and was beyond my control. I was in my bathroom applying lotion to my leg, which I had raised to rest on the vanity counter. Actually, my leg was in the top, open drawer of the vanity. As I was thinking to my self, showing my cocky side, “Pretty agile for a sixty-year-old,” my foot got stuck in the drawer and I fell backwards. In the five seconds it took me to hit ground, I was pleading with the Fates to please not allow my hip to fracture. I went down pretty hard on my hip, but that was the easy part. I went down even harder on my head. I was so tangled up in the drawer that I could not even use my arms or hands to break the drop. It was a complete free-fall smack dab on my noggin.
When my head hit the tile, my husband came running in because he thought the loud noise was one of the six-foot mirrors falling to the floor. I had quite a bump but applying ice really worked on the swelling. I was never unconscious, nor my pupils blown, nor my motor abilities and speech impaired. I did feel though, like I was run over by a Mack truck. The most amazing effect of this accident was that I got up off the floor and lo and behold, I was transformed into a Republican!
What was I thinking when I dubbed myself Yo Mama For Obama? NOT! Just who is this upstart Barack Obama? And how in all tarnation did he ever get to be our President? His humble background, having a single, working mother and a set of grandparents who often stepped in and aided with his upbringing, is definitely not worthy of an American President. His top-notch education credentials belie his real place in our society and can even be considered “elitist.” His devotion and fidelity to his wife and daughters smacks of the low-class environment in which he was raised. Certainly those champions of the GOP, Senator John Ensign, former South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford and the venerable New Gingrich, ascribe more highly to American leadership roles, even with their philandering, than does our President. Who is this Darkie in our White House and what can we do to get him to vacate it?
The answer, my conservative friends, is “anything we have to.” The liberal plaint that the GOP is, at the heart of their philosophy, racist is hogwash:
Our GOP mantra has always been based squarely on free market principles. The government should engage in as little influence and interference in the pursuit of domestic policies. Our trademark platform item is “do not disturb.” If we allow the military-industrial complex to work its magic naturally, all will be fine in the end. In regard to foreign policy, the GOP are firm believers that the more warlike and aggressive we become, the bigger the benefits to our domestic situation. The military complex feeds the U.S. corporate structure which, in turn, fills our pockets with wonderful spoils. Maybe, just maybe, some of that lucre just might trickle down to that lazy middle class. But probably not. Too bad, so sad.
So yes, the GOP will do anything it has to in order to oust this uppity President from office. Take our recent foray into Libya. Obama dithered for way too long before committing troops. His constant thinking about things is just so useless. Finally, he joined the efforts of an international coalition to help out the Libyan rebels. Stupid move. He should have gone gangbusters into Libya on a unilateral mission instead of just being a coalition member. That is what our last President did in Iraq and we have had ten glorious years of military and corporate growth. In fact, that esteemed Congressman Tom Marino (R-PA) who sits on the Foreign Affairs Committee, bested the dithering complaint one better. Marino said, after Obama did commit troops to the Libyan effort, “If we go into Libya, where does it stop? Do we go into Africa next?” His grasp of the geopolitical situation is deep, much more sensitive and enlightening than the foreign affairs knowledge that Obama supposedly embodies.
On the domestic scene, the GOP, Tea Party and even those Libertarians are hitting home with me. Thank Heavens my head injury brought me to my senses. The above mentioned conservative groups hold firm in their belief that if government leaves society alone, society will thrive. That philosophy, albeit initially based on a Utopian society of maybe, at most, a few thousand people, is definitely applicable to our current population of 350 million citizens. No diff. In the discipline of physics, those principles that apply to the largest scale, like the universe and its makeup, often do not apply to particles on an atomic scale. Just goes to show you the value of scientific thought and the credence you can attach to such fatuous nonsense. What is good for one is good for all. Period.
People need to rely on themselves. They need to make it or not on their own. If we provide the impetus for military and corporate growth, which must include a minimal amount of regulatory restrictions, wealth and prosperity will naturally follow. Additionally, the tax rate of the wealthy must be kept permanently at its current low level. If not, than how would our economy be stimulated? Revenues, shmevenues. We do not need higher taxes; we need no taxes. Granted, sometimes these economic booms can get a little dirty, but that is totally because of the entitlements that the middle class expects. Most of our financial problems would be moot if we did not have to pay the ridiculous salaries and benefits to our working class citizens. Here is a list of budget-cutting suggestions that our Democrat fools think is worth considering:
Likewise, what many freaking liberals call the GOP’s empty platform is just a realistic approach to the complexity and size of our nation. Why bother with setting policy when the whole kit and caboodle is too large to manage anyway? It is so much more voter-friendly to turn fiscal matters into issues of faith. Strict evangelism is the answer. We know it is virtually impossible to legislate fiscal matters, so our way, i.e. to legislate morality, OUR morality, is the sensible path. This is exactly what my wonderful colleagues, the 2012 GOP presidential hopefuls, are doing. Abortion, single-sex marriage, prayer in the schools, workers’ rights and other topical social issues have taken the forefront in their pursuit of the highest office in the land. And well they should! Why should Republicans waste their time on intricate, time-consuming and voter-alienating policies when God and morality can be substituted for freedom and justice? God is real. Justice is optional.
This political foray into the faith-based territory is our only hope. God helps those who help themselves. Tough titties. If I was still a Democrat, I would have said the more milquetoast ”Tough toenails.” But since my head bump, that is history. While we are at it, let me also add that those icons of conservative thought, Palin and Bachmann, are two sweet pieces of ass. You do not see any Democrats who look so good and talk so authoritatively. Are they ever correct: who needs a consistent, definitive foreign policy or a fair domestic program that provides for a social safety net, offers our children a decent education, repairs our aging and pathetic infrastructure or makes sure that all of our citizens have access to affordable health care? Who the hell cares if our environment will remain healthy enough to sustain human life? I am on this earth for maybe another thirty years max. I figure that our world will be around for that long. After that, after I am gone, it is not my concern. Future generations are going to have to take care of themselves. Paul Krugman, that dunce of a Nobel laureate, writes in the New York Times today on precisely this alarmist, inconvenient subject of environmentally safeguarding our planet:
These scare tactics do not faze me one iota. A la Palin and Bachmann, all we need are two-parent families, Sunday church-going and the freedom to make the minimum wage. The trade-off of fiscal issues for social issues is definitely the way to go.
I am thrilled by my new conservative outlook. I embrace the axiom that God will take care of everything. Just look at his success in New Orleans after Katrina hit. George W. and Brownie couldn’t even approximate the miracles of God. Thus, they didn’t even try. Now have a look at the pastor Terry Jones, the wise, peace-loving man of the cloth who burned the Koran last week, thus setting off a murderous reaction in Afghanistan. I commend Jones for his devotion to his religion, his willingness to exercise his freedom of speech despite the consequences and his condemnation of the entire religion of Islam, which we have observed is made up of people who look different from us, dress weirdly, pray to a different God and are 100 per cent responsible (every last Muslim) for terrorist endeavors throughout the world. His candor, refusal to kowtow to a renegade religion and his willingness to act on those beliefs, even at the cost of international violence, are to be admired. Go pastor Jones: let’s bury those camel jockeys, once and for all.
I am so enjoying this freedom to revel in my newly found conservatism. It is like a breath of fresh air. I hope as my nausea, aches and pains from my fall subside, my newly developed social and political orthodoxy will persist. It is quite liberating.
Who am I kidding? I was going to make this post the first in a series of three. I cannot go on with this charade. No matter how uncomfortable were the injuries from my fall, they do not compare to the agita and imbalance I have felt while researching and writing this post. If I should develop a brain bleed in the near future, know two things: first, I am too old for them to say that I died too young and second, let it be known that I died a very happy Democrat. True blue. Yo Mama For Obama, YES! Forever and ever.