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From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
When It Comes to Peace, Maine Kicks Ass
Can you believe that George H.W. Bush---a Republican, lest anyone's forgotten---once spoke of creating a "kindler, gentler nation?" I'm not making those words up, he really used them: "kinder"…"gentler." What a fucking liberal pot-smoking Volvo-driving hippie. If he was running today the tea party would primary his ass in a heartbeat. Michele Bachmann would question his patriotism and Sarah Palin would tweet: "How's that kindly, gently thing workin' out for ya? Don’t reach out…reload!"
But Bush was on to something. Peace is pretty awesome. And guess who's #1 in the country when it comes to peace?
Little old Maine.
Kum by Yah Central, we are, according to the first-ever U.S. Peace Index created by an Australian outfit called the Institute for Economics and Peace. Writes Curtis Robinson in the Portland Daily Sun:
The…group looks at 23 issues ranging from “level of organized conflict” to “jailed population” and potential for terrorist attacks to determine its rankings. Other items are levels of violent crime, disrespect for human rights and number of homicides. […] The Northeast is very peaceful judging by the rankings, with some of our neighbors joining us on the Top 10, in order of peace: New Hampshire, Vermont, Minnesota, North Dakota, Utah, Massachusetts, Rhode Island and Washington.
Adds Bill Nemitz at the Portland Press Herald:
No, it's not that fresh Canadian air that keeps us northerners in perfect harmony---although Canada (14th) did score way above the United States (85th) in the global index. Rather, it's how well Maine matches up with the institute's definition of peace, which [executive director Steve] Killelea describes as "the absence of violence and the absence of fear of violence."
The study couldn’t come at a better time. With a fierce budget war underway, peace is something that can make a positive dent in our nation's finances, according to their data:
- [T]he USPI shows reductions in violence, crime and incarcerations to the same levels as Canada would result in $361 billion in savings and additional economic activity. This additional economic activity has the potential to create 2.7 million jobs, which would significantly reduce unemployment.
- The total cost of violence per person in a state ranges from $656 in Maine to $2,458 in Louisiana. The USPI estimates that the economic effect of decreasing violence in states by 25 percent ranges from $126 million in Vermont to $16 billion in California.
All's they're saying is, give peace a chance. It's good advice that America can literally take to the bank and the workplace.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, April 8, 2011
Note: Awesome! We might have Candidate Rudy911 to kick around again! Remember how much his 1 primary delegate cost him in '08? That's right: $40 million. So I say he can only go up from there. Run, creepy ghoul man, run!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Tax Day: 10
Days `til Scrabble Fest in Auburn, Maine: 2
Number of government shutdowns in history: 17
(Source: MSNBC)
Number of U.S. road deaths last year: 32,788
Last time the fatality rate (deaths per 100 million miles driven) was as low as it is now: 1949
(Source: USA Today)
Average age at first marriage for women in, respectively, 1970 and 2010: 21, 26
Average age at first marriage for men during the same years: 23, 28
(Source: White House Council on Women and Girls data)
And from the Department of Homeland Security:
Days the color-coded federal terror alert system has been in place: 3,314
Days spent at terror alert level Blue or Green: 0
Days 'til the color coded system goes b'bye: 19
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Puppy Pic of the Day: Update on Patrick---he's doing great!
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JEERS to the cruelest cut. As if it needs to be said, modern-day Republicans are vile and despicable. In the midst of the greatest fiscal crisis since the 1920s, the GOP is forcing a shutdown of the government. Why? Insistence on keeping a fucked up "rider" in the budget that would de-fund Planned Parenthood because of all the federal dollars the organization is not and never was spending on abortion.
That's what this is about, this "Friday Night Tea Party Massacre of America." A biblical infatuation with women's uteruses is shutting down the government of the most powerful nation within a hundred solar systems. Rape and incest victims aren’t pumping out babies fast enough, you see, so no national parks for you. Families on spring break in the nation's capital to visit its landmarks and museums? Fuck you, we're closed---blame Gloria Steinem. Message to the 800,000 federal workers who will be laid off? James O'Keefe rules your world. Need a federal loan? Fuck you. Fighting for our freedom in the military? Fuck you, too.
But, of course, once the tea party fucks you, you must have their baby, as grotesque and sickly and stupid and evil as it will be. And forget about post-natal care---it's all about rugged individualism now, Mama. Besides, if you'da controlled your vixen seductress impulses in the first place, you wouldn’t be in this situation now, would you?
So here we are. What happens next is anybody's guess. But at least there's one silver lining: supplies of Viagra, Cialis and Levitra will continue without disruption.
CHEERS to the accidental First Lady. Happy Birthday to Betty Ford, who turns---wow!---93 today. She gained fame in an era that many Americans can vaguely remember---namely, a time when the GOP had a smattering of class. But even then, she was a delightful thorn in her party's tuckus:
Throughout her husband's term in office, she maintained high approval ratings, though some on the far-right of her own Republican Party strongly opposed her on more liberal social issues. Betty Ford was noted for raising breast cancer awareness with her 1974 mastectomy and was a passionate supporter for the Equal Rights Amendment. Pro-choice on abortion and a leader in the Women's Movement, she gained fame as one of the most candid first ladies in history, commenting on every hot button issue of the time from sex to drugs.
Her most enduring legacy, of course, is the creation of the Betty Ford Center. I hear they're opening a new wing for blogging addicts. Those interventions are gonna be rough.
JEERS to newsgathering nabobs of negativism. Defense Secretary Robert Gates says that the education of our servicemembers regarding the repeal of the 'Don’t ask, don’t tell' policy is going smoothly and all the dire predictions of the naysayers are proving to have been nothing more than smokescreens. But this otherwise fine AP article makes the claim that, "a divided Congress voted to repeal the law and President Barack Obama signed the legislation." Really? As I recall, 15 Republicans voted for it in the House and 8 Republicans voted for it in the Senate. That's "divided?" Hardly. In this political climate it's positively "bipartisan." And for that we say, "Damn you, AP, to the fires of hell for all eternity." By which we really mean, of course: "tut-tut."
CHEERS to a civil end to a most uncivil war. On April 9, 1865---146 years ago tomorrow---Robert E. Lee surrendered to Ulysses S. Grant at Appomattox Court House in Virginia, effectively ending the War Between the States. The event holds significance for us here in Maine because of an honor that was bestowed by Grant on our own General Joshua Chamberlain, whose 20th Regiment fended off the Confederates at Gettysburg and helped turn the tide of the war:
So it happened that this VOLUNTEER OFFICER, was chosen by General Grant himself, out of all the officers (volunteer AND Regular army) in the Army of the Potomac, to receive the "arms and colors" of the Army of Northern Virginia. ... Upon hearing this news, Chamberlain asked the new Fifth Corps commander one thing: he wanted to be given the First Division's Third Brigade---which included the 20th Maine---because he had shared so many battles with them, and wanted them beside him, in this historic hour. ... The ceremony took place three days later, on April 12, 1865---four years to the day since the first shots were fired on Fort Sumter, South Carolina.
Meanwhile, this month some folks in the South will start "celebrating" the 150th anniversary of the start of the Civil War. Many will cling to the notion that the treasonous war was fought over some generic notion of "states rights," not slavery. After all these years, they still can't face the truth. Methinks someone is taking "Look away, look away, look away, Dixie Land" a bit too literally.
CHEERS to a couple new sprouts on the family tree. My partner Michael's niece had twins yesterday---Owen and Mason. (Their first words: "Scotch!" and "Bourbon for me, thanks.") Mom and Dad and the kids are doing just fine. And how's Michael adjusting to his first 24 hours as a great uncle? I'll let you know when he regains consciousness.
JEERS to getting Fukushima'd again. Oh, great, just what folks in northern Japan needed---a 7.1 earthquake shook 'em up again yesterday. Fortunately the tsunami warning was quickly called off, but determining the damage will take awhile---three dead and scores injured, that much we know. Meanwhile, the radioactive water at the Whoopsiedaiichi nuclear plant may or may not (who can you believe these days?) have stopped leaking into the ocean, but experts say there's nothing to fear…er, kinda:
Very close to the nuclear plant---less than half a mile or so---sea creatures might be in danger of problems like genetic mutations if the dumping goes on a long time, he said. But there shouldn't be any serious hazard farther away…"
But just to be safe, Prime Minister Kan extended his nation's security contract with Ultraman.
CHEERS to home vegetation. If we didn’t have TV, America would be rioting in the streets over the government shutdown. But we do, so we aren't. On HBO's Real Time, Bill Maher has a terrific lineup, including Colin Quinn, Chesley Sullenberger, Eliot Spitzer, Katty Kay and Andrew Sullivan. New DVD releases include Kevin Spacey as Jack Abramoff in Casino Jack, magic unicorns (I think) in Chronicles of Narnia: Insert Really Long Subtitle Here, and Little Fockers (Harry's full list here at AICN). The Masters tournament continues at Augusta. Helen Mirren hosts SNL. On 60 Minutes: the Vatican library and the 1964 murder that led to the "Freedom Summer" civil rights campaign. Sunday at 9 the Comedy Awards air on, oddly enough, Comedy Central.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup, now with C&J's EXCLUSIVE "Dirty Effing Hippie Representation Index" (0 = no liberals represented, 10 = total San Francisco elitist tongue bath):
Meet the Press: Squeeee!!!! Boy Wonder Paul Ryan explains how his 2012 budget saves Medicare by destroying it! Plus David Plouffe and roundtable with Jim Cramer, Helene Cooper, Chuck Todd and Tim Shriver. Dirty Effing Hippie Representation Index: 6
This Week: Rep. Mike Pence (R-IN) on why tax cuts for the rich at the expense of the middle class are needed NOW to save the middle class! Rep. Chris Van Hollen (D-MD) plays defense. Robert Redford on his new movie Conspirator, about the aftermath of the Lincoln Assassination. Roundtable with George Will, Donna Brazile, Chrystia Freeland and Ron Brownstein. Dirty Effing Hippie Representation Index: Redford alone launches it to 10
Face the Nation: Dunno---they haven't updated their web site. But since they have John McCain, Lindsay Graham and Newt Gingrich on so often, we'll make their Dirty Effing Hippie Representation Index a charitable 1
Washington Week: The government shutdown gets the roundtable treatment with Michael Duffy of Time, John Dickerson of Slate and CBS News, Karen Tumulty of The Washington Post, Jeanne Cummings of Politico. Dirty Effing Hippie Representation Index: 5
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: David Plouffe; Rep. Eric "I Have No Idea How The Whole Passing A Bill Thing Works" Cantor; roundtable with Brit Hume, Mara Liasson, Juan Williams, and Bill Kristol. Dirty Effing Hippie Representation Index: 1
Happy viewing!
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Five years ago in C&J: April 8, 2006
CHEERS to getting noticed. Texas Senator John Cornyn (Rabies tag #18743) said this week that judges who don't walk the frothy-right line bring violence upon themselves. C&J wondered yesterday if the mainstream press would notice. The Newspaper of Record certainly did. Mr. Millstone, meet Mr. GOP Neck.
CHEERS to egg on face. That "faked" Terri Schiavo memo---the one saying the fight to keep her alive was "a great political issue" for Republicans---is real and came from the GOP after all (specifically, the office of Florida Senator Mel Martinez). And now, let us bask in the irony of this March 30 line from John Hinderaker at the Blog of the Year: "As I said to Howard Kurtz, 'The content of the memo tells me it wasn't prepared to benefit the Republican Party, it was prepared to benefit the Democratic Party." No kidding.
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And just one more…
CHEERS and JEERS to the topple seen 'round the world. Remember all the hullabaloo when that Baghdad statue of Saddam Hussein was pulled down shortly after we shocked 'n awed Iraq? Believe it or not, that was eight years ago tomorrow. It started off badly, with a U.S. soldier draping an American flag around Saddam's head, and got progressively sillier as the Iraqi citizens took forever to try---and fail---to yank the statue down by hand. They finally decided to let a U.S. armored vehicle do the job for them, and once the statue was down they beat it with shoes and dragged it around the square like a cat toy. But, as usual, things weren't exactly as they seemed. The press made it look like the entire city was there celebrating. In reality, it looked more like tea party attendance at an intellectual-curiosity conference. If you're hyperventilating from the shock of being misled by the media, breathe into a paper sack for a few minutes. It'll pass.
Have a nice weekend. For best results, set your brain activity to impulse power. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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