Reading an editorial on Ynet (the English web version of Israel's largest paper Ma'ariv) today I came across this phrase in a column by Yair Lapid
Life is a dirty, sad business, and sometimes the earth shakes, a flood hits, fire erupts, and accidents happen. It’s terrible, but that’s how it is and nobody is at fault.
and I thought how right this is.
But, then I immediately thought there are times in life when our nature (as humans) forces us into situations that we have to make choices about who and what we are, and what kind of people we will become. We get faced with that choice every. single. day. and every day it is just as hard as the first time we made a choice.
Last night, on the first night of Passover I got to see the genesis of choice.
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So a little background is in order......
I am Jewish, I have a long background history in political Zionism (from a liberal/progressive P.O.V.). I lived in Israel for a year. I was very involved in the community up until the time I was in my early thirties (I am 48 now). All of a sudden, I dropped out. I am not sure why but I simply dropped out. Even to this day I could not tell you exactly when it happened or why it happened but it happened. Anyway, when I say I dropped out... I mean just that. I stopped fasting on Yom Kippur, stopped going to Seders on Passover... stopped watching the News about Israel, stopped talking to many of my friends in Israel (or the ones here) about Israel... just stopped.
During this time of self imposed exile (I call it that for a reason) I married a non-Jewish woman who is sort of an atheist, on a Saturday with a non-denominational pastor (two big time religious no-no's) and despite everything we are still married, and we have been blessed by two incredibly wonderful little boys. But one of the things that has worn on both of us is a certain spirtual malaise. Our children are finding out things for themselves and we have not really pushed them one way or the other. They are learning a general sort philosophy that we jokingly call "Jedi Philosophy". Now this sounds all well and good but last night I had an eye opening experience.
Now a little over two years ago, I started blogging here at Daily Kos, I came here because I really liked Barak Obama (and still do) and wanted to learn more about progressive politics. Because I had a background in the Middle East though I soon found myself in the middle of the I.P. wars that exist here. Growing up in a mostly non-Jewish area I was subject to a lot of anti-Semitism and because of that I have a certain "hair trigger response" when I see it. Because of what I saw here, I became more aware once again of what was locked away and I have gone back to embracing the Jewish/Zionist aspects of my life.
Ok that brings us to this year.... I decided it was time my kids learned about Passover. I did not do and was not invited to a seder this year (I don't have that many Jewish friends and few people know I am Jewish). BUT.. I decided to do a Passover dinner where we would have lamb and I would tell my boys the story of Passover. So I made a special dinner (non kosher) and we sat down and I started to tell them about Moses, and the slavery of the Jewish people. We got through the all of this just fine (I spiced up the story a tad but stuck to the main principles) until we got to the last of the plagues - the death of all of Egypt's first born.
I started to explain what was happening and while my eight year old could handle it no problem.. my six year old freaked out and started crying. I was incredibly touched.. he was saying "Why did the babies have to die... what did they do". I said, "Well G-d had to do something to convince Pharaoh to let our people free, he needed something that would really hit home".. and then I thought how unconvincing I sounded. He did calm down then but then immediately worried when I was telling the story of the chase to the Sea of Reeds. Again he was afraid for the children. Though he was upset that G-d killed the Egyptians pursuing the running slaves he breathed a sigh of relief that the children of the Hebrews escaped.
For the rest of the evening I thought of this. Even the celebration over my ancestors freedom was tainted with the deaths of all these babies. Of course, the Egyptians had done this earlier (why Moses was put in a basket and floated down the Nile), and would have done it again (when chasing down the Hebrew Slaves as they escaped). Weren't they getting "pay back" for their crimes? But, no I still don't get why the children were killed on either side.
But more than that, I don't get why there was slavery in the first place (I mean the concept not the reality of it). What does any person do to deserve being born to that? I don't get why in our wars both sides fire on civilian targets. It doesn't matter where, if it is a child killed in retribution for a terrorist attack or it is a child killed in a terror strike on a school bus or sleeping in their bed, it is still a dead child.
Given this, it took me a long time to go to sleep last night. I kept thinking this is just the harsh reality of life. The Passover story is one of pain and redemption and more than that it is not only the story of freedom but of the painful sacrifices that life requires.
This Passover, for the first time in my life I am questioning everything about the Passover Story. It's great that my people were freed. Nothing, and I mean nothing can diminish that feeling. It's sad that in both cases Hebrew and Egyptian - the first born in families had to die to accomplish a goal. Is it fair? No. Neither sides children did anything to bring this on. Is it life? Yes. And as Yair Lapid rightly says today:
Life is a dirty, sad business, and sometimes the earth shakes, a flood hits, fire erupts, and accidents happen. It’s terrible, but that’s how it is and nobody is at fault.
Life isn't fair and we are faced with hard, difficult choices every day. Sometimes, it's nobody's fault (as in the disasters cited above) but, sometimes it's everyone's fault and is part of our nature. I think though what makes us human and allows us to transcend our most primative instincts is our ability to make the choices that allow us to be better than who we are... to celebrate and promote freedom over vengence.
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