Larry the Republican head of household comes home after being fired and announces to his family, "we have a revenue problem, we're going to have to go without some things and tighten our belts for a while".
"Shirley", he says to his wife, "we are going to have cash in your 401k. No doctor's appointments until further notice, you'll have to study up on home remedies when the kids get sick. You also are going to have to go without your car, we have to sell it on Ebay, you can take the bus to work. Also no new clothes for you or the kids until we get back on track. It is going to be tough but if you pull yourself up by your bootstraps, you can do it. This is America and those who work hard and don't complain get ahead. "
"Joey and Janey", he says, looking at his kids, "I need you guys to pitch in, we all have to sacrifice in these tough times. You guys need to drop out of school and get jobs. Get paper routes in the morning and mow lawns during the day. Also no more lunch, from now on you eat 2 meals a day. We simply cannot afford to spend what we do not have."
"But Dad…"; "Honey, I don't think…" his family protests.
"Not another word," Harry says, "these are dire times and we have to be realistic about what we can and cannot afford. If we keep spending like this, no one will ever give me a new job and then what will we do?"
"Ok Dad, we'll try…", say the kids. "Ok honey, I've give it a shot", says his wife. "But Dear, maybe no more golf all weekend, you should cancel your country club membership."
"Nonsense!" exclaims Larry. "That is where I make all my business connections. That is prime networking time for me. A little investment there goes a long way towards job creation."
"Daddy, maybe we could sell some of your stock and invest the money back into the family, at least pay for groceries" says Little Joey.
"What are you studying to be a socialist?", his father spits. "Capital creates capital, it makes the sun shine and the grass grow. If I lose my investments, I will never start that company I keep talking about and then how will you go to college?"
"Can't we sell the yacht, then dear, the family never uses it…" starts his wife.
"Out of the question!" says Larry. "I must be able to fit in with my peers and entertaining on the yacht generates business opportunities. Mention it again and I will sail to the Cayman Islands with my theoretical business and you'll have to fend for yourselves!"
"But Dad", says Janey. "If we have to go without healthcare and Mommy's retirement and school and food, what are you going to going to do without?"
"Don't get smart, Janey", her father says tiredly. "All these years I have been earning the biggest salary in this family. I have paid much more to run this family than anyone else. The most important thing right now is that I have the tools to regain my confidence so I can continue to create opportunity for the rest of you. And towards that end I now expect you all to split the groceries, mortgage and utilities 3 ways, picking up my share. We don't have a revenue problem in this house, we have a spending problem!"
The family sits quietly, the mood is dark.
"Dad", says Joey, "one last question".
"It better be good, Joey" says his father, "no more communist talk of transferring my wealth!"
"If you had a tragic boating accident, how much would the insurance policy pay?"
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inspired by Heather Wilson and originally posted at http://newmexicoindependent.com/...