There once was a fine sailing ship. It has a very smart Captain, a fine crew, was well-equipped and had a noble destination. Not long after sailing forth, a piece of driftwood was hit, the hull was holed and sea water began to flow into the ship.
“Start the bilge pumps!” the Captain commanded, only to have one of the passengers shout;
“No! No! Do not start the bilge pumps!”
“Why not?” shouted back the Captain.
“Because Grover Norquist says that bilge pumps are never to be used when a ship is leaking…that throwing passengers and cargo overboard is only allowed.”
And so, for reasons not entirely clear, the crew began to throw cargo and passengers (starting with the eldest and less nimble) overboard. That went on until there was nothing and no one else to be thrown into the sea and still the water continued to rise and the ship finally sank below the waves.
When rescuers picked up the survivors a few days later, they were asked what had happened. One of the crew explained how the ship had sprung a leak. Another told of the order of the Captain to start the bilge pumps. Then a passenger reported someone countermanding the Captain upon the authority of a Grover Norquist - someone almost no one had ever heard of.
Nobody was quite sure how he got to be such an expert on seamanship, having never been, to anyone’s knowledge, Captain of any ship, and so why anyone was listening to him! But the aura of his name – seemingly matched only by the presence of God Himself- seemed strong enough to overpower the authority of the Captain and, contrary to all reason and good seamanship, the bilge pumps were never used. And that sad day, a lot of valuable cargo, a handsome ship and many physically-challenged passengers were lost to an unforgiving sea…all because a mysteriously powerful Grover Norquist commanded it.