Got a card from B-man today. Have had phone off for several days, for reasons outside the scope of this conversation, such as whim. B-man likes the post at times, which is, in its own way, rather charming.
B-man likes to use recycled paper. He sometimes sends letters written between the lines of junk mail. This one covered all of the faces of a get well soon card purchased from a local thrift shop, ending finally with "Get Well Soon!" circled and explained thusly.
B-man is a hoarder. He won't let anybody in his house because he can't figure out how to get rid of anything.
I rarely let anyone in my houses because I can't be bothered to fix anything, and because I write on the walls.
I don't know what B-man does to his walls. Haven't been in there in some years, since his wife left him.
B-man was concerned that I thought him controlling, said his friends find him accommodating. "Well, B-man," I responded, in so many words - "We're mostly all controlling, a non-controlling human is the rare one."
I think it takes a huge amount of work on one's self to knock that shit off...to stop judging, to stop offering the unsolicited generic advice. To just let go and be with people.
I also noted that B-man is obsessive. B-man once sent me a letter written upon about eight separate postcards, all posted separately the same day.
I myself have been known to send six separate emails during the same evening, to one who is not all that email-friendly.
It looks weird, if that's not your style.
But obsession is my style, and obsession is B-man's style. We are also avoidant.
Why deal with your own life when you can go around and try to insert yourself into other people's lives? It's so much less lonely that way. There isn't all of that terrible emotional baggage that's associated with your own shit.
And they need you, right?
Well, maybe. But if they don't ask for you, this does not work. Trust me on this, gentle readers. Don't go there. Wait until they ask.
Offer help, don't push. Hyperspecific advice is best, because that increases the generally dim odds that the person you are advising, actually could not have known about your advice previously.
I enjoy B-man, but limits are important. He doesn't want me dropping by and inviting myself into his house, I totally understand. I don't need to know why.
The fact that we have made so many of the same social mistakes is intriguing, though.
I don't think he's admitting all of his. Am I admitting all of mine?
Well, probably not, eh? Though I try to, this memory thing can be so wacky.
I don't know what B-man and I should really be doing. We both have difficulty living alone, but also with living with other people. Born to be gypsies, perhaps. He once biked from here to Cloudcroft and back. With his dog, in the basket behind. That was when he sent me the letter on the postcards.
I used to have a friend here...I used to have a number of friends here...this one told me once that people with OCD can be some of the most productive people you'd ever hope to meet.
I always remembered that, and to this day, I think of OCD not as a disorder that needs to be treated, but a talent that needs to be properly aimed.
It's one of the reasons I come back to gardening so much. You can just about never get too OCD about toxin-free gardening.
Drenching stuff with chemicals is just cheating, imho.
If you don't, you get lots more choices and more guests and things to think about. And if you get really OCD and clear out a lot of the unwelcome guests, and keep interesting seed around, then you can just keep going...and keep going...only limits are temperature, water, daylength. Soil, sure, but that's easier to workaround.
Long as it all more or less stays alive, it all just keeps getting more interesting, over time. It just changes, all by itself. This mystery Salvia species moves over here one year, back there the other year. The Mexican hats move from the easement into the garden. The cilantro fully naturalizes, the borage comes back after being gone for two years (yay, borage! Beautiful blue flowers!)
So, yes, I am controlling. I am a lot of things, not all of which are positive.
But I'm trying to work with what I've got, and do some good aiming. And I really do appreciate you folks here for all of your feedback and support about all of this, because you do matter, you have helped.
The Internet is Real.