Jon Stewart quickly turned last night from celebrating Osama bin Laden's death, to asking some hard questions about how much the Pakistani government knew of the whereabouts of bin Laden.
You want us to believe that the ISI, the Pakistani intelligence, the military, the government, they didn't have any idea bin Laden was there, or any involvement in putting bin Laden there.
PERVEZ MUSHARRAF (5/2/2011): I think ISI must be utterly stupid to put them in such a prominent place, hiding him in such a prominent place. That is not what ISI would have done. Certainly not.
So your defense is basically the ISI is way too smart to put bin Laden in such an obvious place, but far too clueless to know he was there. They're in that magic sweet spot. Smart enough not to do it, dumb enough not to know. And by the way, hiding bin Laden? Hiding? Bin Laden wasn't hiding in Pakistan, he was chilling in Pakistan. Crashing, if you will. If Waldo hid the way Osama bin Laden did, I wouldn't find those books so incredibly frustrating!
Look, that's him right there! He's in the giant high-walled compound! He's right there!
Video and transcript below the fold.
But first, we turn to our continuing coverage, Day 2, the demise of Osama bin Laden. I'll admit, yesterday's show was Id-driven, animalistic, almost tribal catharsis-fueled vomatimous. But in this sober dawn, self-reflection, and questions begin to enter the consciousness. Questions like....
ANDREW NAPOLITANO (5/2/2011): Won't there always be that lingering doubt amongst Americans? Well, where is the body? How do we know he's dead? Why isn't there a picture of him?
No... that's not the question, but already?? C'mon man, when are we going to, as a country, stop pretending that there is a level of empirical proof that will satisfy the conspiracy seekers amongst us? These things are never about evidence. We could have a videotape of the terror leader himself holding up Sunday's New York Post and his birth certificate, in his "I Am Bin Laden, Seriously" t-shirt...
... saying on camera, "I think this dude's about to fuck me up bigtime". Wouldn't matter. Here's a video. Buzz Aldrin. Buzz Aldrin was on the Moon. We saw him land there on television. This is the crap he had to put up with.
BART SIBREL (9/9/2002): You're a coward and a liar and a thief.
(Buzz punches asshole Bart Sibrel)
Apparently, only one of those men re-entered the Earth's atmosphere.
I mean, come on, the nagging question in my mind concerns Pakistan, the country whose suburb of Abbottabad has been home to bin Laden for apparently the last six years. And you know Pakistan, of course, was last year's honored recipient of the United States $3.2 billion dollar Be Our Friend Please scholarship, awarded each year to the country that, if we didn't give them $3.2 billion dollars, would in no way be our friend. I was reminded of an interview that Pakistan's prime minister did last year.
4/12/2010:
YOUSAF RAZA GILANI: Osama bin Laden is not in Pakistan.
....
WOLF BLITZER: How do know for sure he's not in Pakistan?
YOUSAF RAZA GILANI: Because, our military actions are very successful ... If there would have been any chance, he would have been arrested.
Oh, really, he would've been arrested? Your military actions, very successful, would've gotten him. You know, not only was there a chance that bin Laden had been living in Pakistan for the last six years, he was living a half a mile from Pakistan's version of West Point in a town surrounded by retired ex-military officers!
A half mile! Let me put that in New York City terms. Bin Laden was on 21st and 7th Avenue, they were on 21st and 9th Avenue! If the Pakistani military academy were Domino's, they would deliver to bin Laden on foot. The Pakistani military could've caught bin Laden with a rod and reel, or a giant Acme magnet.
You were neighbors! But you know what, I'm sorry. Maybe, to be fair, maybe Osama was in kind of a stealth J.D. Salinger mode.
5/2/2011:
ANDREA MITCHELL: Only 35 miles from Islamabad, bin Laden's million dollar compound was a McMansion.
CNN MAN: ... surrounded by walls 10 to 18 feet high, and topped with barbed wire ...
CHRISTINE ROMANS: ... no Internet, no phone ...
ANDREA MITCHELL: ... eight times the size of nearby houses ...
RANDI KAYE: They burned their garbage instead of taking it out like the rest of the neighbors.
Could it have been any more obvious? Look at the man's mailbox!
For God's sakes! What more did you want? What more evidence did you need that something was awry in that one cul de sac? What did you need? Abject cruelty to schoolchildren?
NIC ROBERTSON (5/3/2011): When children, local children were playing football nearby, kicked their ball over the wall, the people in the compound just gave them money and told them to go and buy another ball, rather than let them come in and search.
He would keep the children's balls! And the money! Oh, the money! The money that they gave the children was in the form of a personal check! From the desk of Osama bin Laden!
That's... that's... what? I did not know you could get the Tweety Bird Death to America check.
It seems to me... it seems to me that Pakistan's leaders, including former President Musharraf, have some splainin' to do.
5/2/2011:
ANDERSON COOPER: Mr. President, for years, U.S. officials, intelligence officials, have been saying Osama bin Laden was in fact in Pakistan. You have been denying that for years now, categorically saying no, he was in Afghanistan. Do you now admit you were wrong?
PERVEZ MUSHARRAF: No, I don't think I was ever denying. I was asked everywhere, and my first response, invariably, always, was that I don't know. I don't know where he is.
OK, two things. One, I think it's rude to talk on the phone when you're being interviewed. And number two, that's what we're saying. We're saying when you said "I don't know", you knew!! You want us to believe that the ISI, the Pakistani intelligence, the military, the government, they didn't have any idea bin Laden was there, or any involvement in putting bin Laden there.
PERVEZ MUSHARRAF (5/2/2011): I think ISI must be utterly stupid to put them in such a prominent place, hiding him in such a prominent place. That is not what ISI would have done. Certainly not.
So your defense is basically the ISI is way too smart to put bin Laden in such an obvious place, but far too clueless to know he was there. They're in that magic sweet spot. Smart enough not to do it, dumb enough not to know. And by the way, hiding bin Laden? Hiding? Bin Laden wasn't hiding in Pakistan, he was chilling in Pakistan. Crashing, if you will. If Waldo hid the way Osama bin Laden did, I wouldn't find those books so incredibly frustrating!
Look, that's him right there! He's in the giant high-walled compound! He's right there!
And now, and now you're like, oh, that was Osama's house? The tall lanky guy? We thought maybe Jeff Goldblum had been looking for a summer retreat, had grown a beard, and was burning all his trash. You know Hollywood people, eccentric.
You know what hurts the most? You may recall Pakistan's then-leader Pervez Musharraf was on this very program to promote his autobiography a little less than five years ago. I gave this man a tea and Twinkie welcome.
9/26/2006:
JON STEWART: To your health, sir, thank you so much for joining us, I really appreciate it. (drinks tea) Mm, it's quite good. Um, where's Osama bin Laden?
PERVEZ MUSHARRAF: (surprised look on face) I don't know!
Oh don't you? Didn't you know? Well, guess what? He lied to me, he lied to me! Well, I've got something to tell you, Pervez Musharraf. I said I read your book, I didn't read your book! And those Twinkies were over 40 years old. I got them on a camping trip when I was 6 years old! We'll be right back! I can't talk about this!
Jon also had animators draw up the royal wedding because they banned comedy shows from using any footage (for reals), and then had Rachel Maddow on for the interview.
Meanwhile, Stephen Colbert noted that bin Laden is still dead, and showed how Rush Limbaugh was so upset that Obama would dare taking credit for killing bin Laden. He also noticed how Fox News seems to take such glee and delight in reporting bad news about the economy that will hurt millions of Americans, as long as it will also hurt Obama's re-election chances.