Surround yourself with positive people. It's even funnier when they fail, too.
Be the best fuck-up you can be! Even if it means selling meth in a WalMart parking lot and wearing a barf-stained Garth Brooks t-shirt.
If you're down and need a lift, listen to the inspirational music of Josh Groban. You'll be inspired to kill everyone in nothing flat.
Hey stupid, use your manners! Next time try shouting "Nice tits! Please show them to us!"
Returning empty beer cans and bottles to buy more beer is just part of the circle of life.
It would awesome if "2.5 Men" explained Sheen's character's absence from the show by saying he OD'd on cocaine and died.
Kadhaffi to NATO: "I live in a place where you cannot kill me, in the hearts of the millions." NATO PREPS TO KILL MILLIONS.
Newt Gingrich is Glenn Beck in a fat suit with a better vocabulary.
I don't believe in labels. Because I'm an asshole.