Welcome to Awards Edition Plus, your one-stop snark shop for rank hypocrisy, News of Dubious Veracity and of course, the Golden Douchenozzle Award. Also tonight, an excellent rant from AEP Contributing Editor weatherdude and Executive Editor Sirius the Cat gives way to a special Op-Ed from professional hairpiece pootie Jack the Cat who had kept Donald Trump Ron-Popeil-Spray-On-Hair-Free for the last ten years.
Awards Edition Plus celebrates its last regular Wednesday Edition this evening. After much thought and consultation (and an analysis of the bharns, and I don't mind telling you the formula: effort+contributors*readership/bharns) I have decided to end the series next week with a "best of" with some new material. Since I became a part of the Top Comments team, I have decided that when I write there, I will do an AEP diary. It works out better for everyone. And speaking of Top Comments send your nominations by 9:30EDT and go hang out there at 10. Tonight. Right away!
You may contribute to: TopComments at gee mail dot com. You know you want to.....
Follow me over the fold for "Bojo: SCHMOJO!"....
Awards Edition Plus Editorial
by Sirius the Cat
Well, Her Imperial and Royal Highness, Triciawyse the First, Queen of All Pooties, Woozles and Flying and Crawling Beasties (Dog Save the Queen!) was accidentally banned yesterday on a glitch. I know, because I read the explanation from ct in this diary you can find HERE.
Now, I usually have something cranky to say. Tonight, however, I am going to turn my Editorial over to Jack the Cat, Donald Trump's long-suffering hairpiece:
Awards Edition Plus Op-Ed
by AEP Guest Contributor Jack the Cat. Photo by AEP Contributing Editor weatherdude.
The Travesty of Technology
Sometimes, people mean well with technology. I hear there is something called a "financial instrument" and people mean well by that, too. Of course, there is nothing behind it, just debt and more people betting it will be defaulted on through insurance companies than are generally betting on the outcome of the Kentucky Derby. Well, that, and lots and lots of new cars in countries that have the kind of clean air regulations Republicans expect will pave the way for clean air and environmental regulations in our country: a road paved with financial intentions, rich Republicans, wage slaves, and no regulations.
Now, I don't in any way want to denigrate the Admins of Daily Kos. They went out of their way to fix what happened the other day, and for good reason. No one likes to have their eyes clawed out by a kestrel or a feral Siamese. Even still, there are probably a handful of people here that still think that pooties and woozles cannot ever be Democrats. But I digress....
I have lived on the head of Donald Trump for about ten years now. He has bad breath, and farts a lot. His Valet (pronounced "VAL-ett", because he is a horrible Anglophile with tentative provenance since some of his relatives are rumored to have been born abroad) washes me in the tub every day. His name is "Needs". Not the greatest life for a pootie.
Daily Kos launched its new version a little early, I think, but they work hard as hell to keep us in the vanguard of liberal blogs. And the saved the Pootie Queen. For that they should be commended.
That notwithstanding, Her Imperial and Royal Majesty should be herewith and forthwith given a lifetime subscription to Daily Kos. And, apparently, a stopwatch.
Long Live the Queen!!!!
--Jack the Cat
News of Dubious Veracity Department
Ghadaffi To Be Named Head of the IMF
via the Lieberian Daily News
Given the "embarrassment" facing Mr. Strauss-Kahn in a common New York City prison cell, the IMF has been courting Ghadaffi to become the next head of the International Monetary Fund. Stressing the fact that he could have several passports given the many variations on the spelling of his name, the fact that he is wanted as a war criminal at the Hague in the International Criminal Court has been suggested as a good reason to accept the position, not to mention that the IMF is seeking someone from a "developing country" to head it. That, and the fact that he would have to spend a great deal of time in New York City, where, IMF officials suggested, there is no shortage of "Rape-Rooms" in luxury hotels.
Weatherdude Rants on GOP Nominees!!!!!
by AEP Contributing Editor weatherdude
The 2012 Viagrapalooza
As more old white men candidates for the 2012 Presidential Campaign make the second hardest decision of their lives (behind "to bang or not to bang, that is the burning question"), many of us are left to wonder what is srs bizness or what is a cry for financial aid. Mike Huckabee was in it for the kachings. He saw dollar signs like Lindsey Lohan sees stop signs -- flying by in a drunken blur. Tim Pawlenty is...well, I don't know what he is, and neither does he. Mitt Romney is in it to regain his dignity, which left 40,000 strokes of the comb ago. Donald Trump was in it for name recognition, or more like name reclamation to keep Trump from equalling douchebag. Rick Santorum doesn't have the brains for name reclamation, and probably couldn't handle an ass-whooping like he received in 2006. Sarah Palin is long forgotten, and Michelle Bachmann is so far off the crazytrain and lost in the wilderness that even rabies-infected raccoons are like "what the hell is up with THAT loonbag?" That leaves one pile of dough left to soak up the sunlight like a sponge -- Newt Gingrich. He's the only candidate who has dropped trou enough to prove he's a worthy GOP candidate. He's the only candidate who has the sweaty, greasy name recognition that Americans equate with both failure and success at the same time. He's the only candidate who can walk the walk and talk the hate. Unless a dark horse comes into the race at the last minute, it's looking like Newt with gobble up this Viagrapalooza with all three of his arms stretched out as far as possible to grab all the money he can.
Happy campaigning, this should be an entertaining one.
Now, without further ado.....drumroll, please......crescendo......CYMBAL CRASH!
The Golden Douchenozzle Award!!!!
THE NOMINEES:
Newt Gingrich It's a shame that he's a morally bankrupt serial-cheater homophobic racist monster because he was right about one thing: Ryan's budget plan was irresponsible. Now that he has apologized for being not only being right but being somewhat human for criticizing the plan he can add something else to his resume: spineless prick.
Scott Brown Whenever I hear a Massachusetts Republican elected to a traditionally Democratic seat say that they will "not vote the party line" I go running all the way to Maine. Brown's support for the gutting of social security and medicare as well as other positions he has taken recently show he always meant to betray his word to the people of the Bay State. Which, I hope, means throwing him the hell out on his ear at the ballot box.
Rick Santorum, that frothy mix of religious bigot and sheer lunacy which often is left behind in the aftermath of a failed political career seems to think John McCain doesn't have any idea what torture is. Now I don't carry any water for McCain, but come on. Where the hell was this asshat for like, oh, I don't know, the last 30 years? Hiding in the confessional? Sheesh.
The Maine Legislature is turning into Wisconsin, anti-choice on top of it. They not only want to gut one of the best social safety nets in the nation, but they want to have more babies, too. I wonder: if the Democrats here in Maine suggested that they would be unfunded babies, would they still want them?
And tonight's winner is.......
Newt Gingrich, Golden Douchenozzle
Here's what I tweeted him:
#Douchenozzle
Congratulations, Newt. You are now officially left of Bill Clinton. Keep it up. We promise to quote you in the next election, but I promise, not a single history book will ever quote your lies and equivocations. Keep it up. Take it from Arnie: nothing says loving like something from the oven...
Keep us in mind. I know, it's offensive and rude. When it comes to TC, it will be much more tame.
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--CM&Co.