With all this talk about 'Rapture This' and 'Rapture That' and who gets raptured and who doesn't, and who gets the car keys and the condos, and what happens to the dogs and cats, and should you wear boxers or tighty-whities, and all those other questions.....
Well it seems to me that people are missing the deeper, more important issue.
There is a HUGE party planned....
AND YOU AND I ARE DEFINITELY ** NOT ** INVITED
So let's Crash This Bash!
Let's get stinking drunk and show up at the Pearly Gates.
With empty beer, wine, and whiskey bottles in hand... if they won't let us in, well, we will see what those gates are made of.
If they were called the Steel Gates, or even the Iron Gates, I would be less confident in our chances, but I'm pretty sure we can handle 'Pearly.'
And even if that doesn't work, we'll turn the gilded streets in front of the gates to the worst puke-and-piss infested alley this side of Skid Row.
(The Saved better hope they float above ground, is all I can say, otherwise their shoes are going to stink like urine and last nights half-digested meatloaf, and nobody wants to meet the Holy Trinity smelling like that.)
God: Welcome to Heaven!
Saved: Thank You.
God: What is that vile stench?
I'm getting ahead of the story, however.
Last month I went to EBay, and for $9.95 purchased a selection of 100 TyVek bracelets, ten each of various colors. So the plan here is for me and nine of my friends to kind of show up kind of near the Gates, and just see what color bracelets the Saved are wearing. Once we figure that out, we simply select the correct color ... and bam! we're in. (St. Peter doesn't check ID's, he just quickly looks at your wrist.)
That gets the first ten of us through the Gates.
The rest of you, just hang out in the parking lot, maybe have a Grilled Cheese or a gooball or something, don't look too obvious about it. We'll give you the sign when we're in.
After that, let the Jubilee begin!