Well my lovelys, as you all know, today is the day of Armageddon, the Rapture.
“…and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.” 1 Thessalonians 4:15-17
Like many of you, I am considering just what to wear. Will it matter? What should we take into consideration as we plan our outfits? Do you expect to still be here after the Rapture, or will you be in Heaven? If you go to Heaven, I imagine sandals or going barefooted will be fine, it's paradise. But if you are still here and Hellbound, well you may want to give this some serious consideration.
Adrian Ryan has written some things to ponder, from wardrobe to hair. It's a fabulous read for anyone who is wondering what they should wear today, especially for those who are going to Hell:
So to Hell we go! At first, the idea of heading for Hades might be a little unnerving. I'm sure you've heard a host of dreadful rumors. Not to worry! Hell can't be any worse than a gay disco: crowded, smoky, and covered in flames. Besides, it's not really the heat -- it's the humidity. Your hair will probably go flatter than Amazon.com stock after a quarterly earnings report, but your skin will simply GLOW! Hell should be a walk in the park for those of us who spent lifetimes hopping between sauna and tanning bed. Like a facial for all eternity. Sublime! Also, try to bear in mind that Hell, like everything else, is what you make of it. Even for the damned, the first rule of fashion is "If you look good, you feel good." It's so important to keep a positive attitude, after all, and being damned is no reason you can't look your best or have a good time! So when the moon becomes as blood, and the sun as black as sack cloth, when the Four Horsemen ride abroad what are you going to wear? Let's not get caught unprepared when the clock strikes 12 on New Year's and the shit hits the cosmic fan. You will really want to shine, Shine, SHINE!
The Whore of Babylon has the right idea: Go out with a little class --
So, while "Does this outfit make me look fat?" might be the last thing on your mind (literally), it is still a valid question. To guarantee a glamorous hereafter, it is wise to be dressed to the nines when the Angel of the Lord comes to cash in your chips! First of all, the Rapture promises to be loud and tacky. But why should you have to dress the part! Your ensemble has to last a while, so I say go with the classics. (No bellbottoms, body glitter, or athletic shoes with little lights in the heels -- PLEASE!) "And the woman was arrayed in purple and scarlet color, and decked with gold and precious stones and pearls" (Revelations 14:4). See? The Whore of Babylon has the right idea: Go out with a little class -- simply Dior! Sublime!
Hats?!
"And the first angel blew his trumpet and there followed hail and fire, mixed with blood." A simply marvelous opportunity to bring back the hat! Hats are so elegant, aren't they, and a rain of fire and blood (again, UGH!) is the perfect excuse to don an original creation! Philip Treacy's spunky chapeaux are all the rage on the Continent, and what more appropriate way to meet your maker than sporting one of his surrealistic, wide-brimmed head-sculptures? Choose the black-feathered veiled number complete with Christmas tree lights. Striking and practical!
I love hats!
Elegant hats
Princess' hats
Sun hats
Pirate hats
Funny bunny hats
Semi-formal eveningwear?
"And the fourth Angel blew his trumpet and a third of the day was kept from shining and darkness descended." Sounds like an ideal moment to make a dramatic entrance in semi-formal eveningwear! Vintage Vivienne Westwood (long sleeves, please -- there are rumors of locusts) or the asymmetrical and chunky full-length knits of Amer Kamal -- available in flame-retardant latex -- are your tickets to a dashing damnation. For the men, nothing says "Take me to my glory!" like a classic navy or charcoal double-breasted suit by Brooks Brothers or American designer Sal eserani -- clean lines, sharp cut, flattering and timeless. Avoid the temptation to go with the baggy Italian numbers that are so en vogue. Dreadful, shapeless things, really, that can't help but hold the heat. All eternity with sweat stains? Never!
Something in a full length and pink?
Or perhaps a little black dress or a blue one?
A tuxedo?
And don't forget to wear a nice flame-retardant jacket.
If you are Atheist and would prefer to dress casual Atheist Heaven.com has some t-shirts
And don't forget to accessorize! ;D
Or to dress the pooties and woozles!