In the biggest surprise since the disclosure that Newt Gingrich had a six-figure charge account at Tiffany's for his machete-coiffed wife, Mitt Romney will enter the Republican Presidential race next week. The surprise is not so much "what" as "where." No, the surprise is not "where" as in "New Hampshire"; that was always obvious. The surprise is specifically where. No, not "specifically where" as in "Stratham, New Hampshire", the surprise is specifically where in Stratham, New Hampshire.
Mr. Romney, who formed an exploratory campaign last month and has been aggressively raising money across the country, will make his announcement next Thursday at the Bittersweet Farm in Stratham, N.H., a campaign spokeswoman said.
Bittersweet Farm. Mitt Romney is declaring his candidacy from Bittersweet Farm.
As I may have mentioned a time or two, I am generally no fan of overpriced campaign consultants. But I have to wonder: how much does one have to spend on a campaign consultant for them to come up with the grand idea of having the Republican frontrunner, about whom most of the party is ambivalent at best, apprehensive at second-best, and agonized and antagonistic at not-even-near-worst, officially announce his candidacy at Bittersweet Farm?
Was "To Hell With It We're Going To Lose Anyway" Farm already booked?
Was "At Least Once He Gets Stomped He Probably Won't Run Again in 2016" Farm already reserved by Ron Paul?
Who, seriously, advises a man whose candidacy is already viewed by Republicans as a bittersweet prospect at best to announce their candidacy at "Bittersweet Farm"?
Mr. Romney, 64, is seeking to shape his presidential campaign around themes of building the economy and restoring jobs. He argues that his business background makes him the strongest nominee to take on President Obama in the general election next year.
Oh, yes, his business background. I picture Romney in a palatial office at Bain Capital Management, summoning his marketing advisers to discuss product development.
"Chairman Romney, we've completed the work you ordered for rolling out that new private equity fund. Our first choice for a name is the 'Psoriasis Fund,' because we expect it to 'soar' above the competition, 'as is.'
"I like it! What other choices do you have for me?"
"Well, given the fund's focus on leveraging tungsten mining in the Pacific United States, we were thinking that the 'PUSTuLe Fund' might get the message across."
"Excellent! Any others?"
"Yes -- although we understand that this one might be a little playful for your taste. We have that new fund based in Ripon, Wisconsin, but the name 'Ripon Fund' is already registered. So, we figured, the antonym of 'on' is 'off'...."
Romney is expected to take part in the second Republican Presiential debate on June 13 in New Hampshire. Given the apparent prowess of his marketing team, we have to anticipate that the experience for him might be, well, bitter.
Sweet!