So how were Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert going to cover the Anthony Weiner scandal? Jon was awkward about it, given that they're friends. Stephen looked more at Breitbart's overall credibility, or lack thereof.
Breitbart has taken flak for using misleading editing in the ACORN scandal, the Shirley Sherrod scandal, and the NPR scandal. But after this, he is 1 for 4.
And as always, Breitbart was gracious in victory.
ANDREW BREITBART (6/6/2011): It is news, my friend, it is what, it is news. ... I'm here for some vindication.
You got it, Andy! I think it is time to admit not only is this a valuable member of the press, I would go so far as to say this is the Edward R. Murrow of Congressional wang photos.
And I tell ya, folks, this whole sordid, sad, delicious, and sadly delicious sordid saga just reinforces what I've always said. Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? C'mon! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!
Videos and transcripts below the fold.
These are incredible times, especially in the Middle East, that part of the world. There is oppression, instability, unspeakable violence, and yet the dream of freedom lives on. It's the type of story that you, our viewer, deserve, nay, need to hear more about.
Unfortunately, Cock Shot 2011... that better be his shoulder. Cock Shot 2011 has not run its course. It's getting there. For the uninitiated, last week the website Big Government ran this photo, saying it was sent from Anthony Weiner's, who is a Congressman, his account to a young female admirer. The Congressman suggested his Twitter account had been hacked, said he could not verify "with certitude", or cocksureness, the sureness of the cock.
This is where the story stood until when a new photo was released that the Congressman's cock apparently took of him. That's um, wow. That is some cleavage. That is, ah... can we zoom in on that, by any chance? Is there any way?
(zoom shot shows James Franco trapped inside screaming for help)
Franco! Franco! I knew it!
So this new development's the subject of tonight's segment.
Wish you guys checked with me before you....
Anyway, you know what is perhaps the most upsetting thing? The most upsetting thing about having a friend caught up in a scandal of this nature is finding out (a) he's packing jumbo heat, and (b) that he's ripped. I can't believe this guy and I are the same fucking age, that's my problem! Here's a picture of me from this morning.
I mean, how good is the Congressional health care plan? So anyway, today word on the web was #plentymorewherethiscamefrom, so Congressman Weiner scheduled a press conference for 4 o'clock. I decided to tune in, and Andrew Breitbart, the owner and operator of the website Big Government, which had originally broken the story, was apparently in the neighborhood in New York City, showed up, and Kanye'd Weiner's press conference.
ANDREW BREITBART (6/6/2011): I'd like an apology from him. ... I'm here for some vindication.
This is the weirdest fucking story I've ever seen in my life! Or the greatest episode of Maury ever. So after Breitbart's 4pm press conference that was for Congressman Weiner, it was time for Congressman Weiner's post-Breitbart press conference.
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY (6/6/2011): I have made terrible mistakes that have hurt the people I care about the most, and I am deeply sorry.
And there you have it. At 4:25pm Eastern Standard Time, this story officially became sad. You know, we forget sometimes, I certainly do, that these people are human. And that's a lesson that's going to stay with me. Until I turn back to the camera over there, and do a little bit on the John Edwards story.
Jon then covered the John Edwards story and Sarah Palin's mangling of Paul Revere's ride. And John Oliver got to interview people along Palin's bus tour, including one surprise guest.
Jon then had on Iranian journalist Maziar Bahari, who had been arrested and tortured by the Iranian police after appearing in a segment with Jason Jones dressed as a spy, which they used as "proof" of accusing him of being a spy. Of course, the interview went long, so here's the full interview divided into three parts.
Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
So how did Stephen cover this?
Nation, this is one of those rare days that make me proud to be a newsman, to report history as it happens. Because I think we will all remember where we were when we found out that this is, in fact, Anthony Weiner's cock. I know, it's shocking. He's so thin. Naked, he must look like a windsock hanging off a parking meter.
Now, he said this wasn't him, but today, at an emergency press conference, the truth came out like a... like a dolphin wiggling free of a blanket. Jim?
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY (6/6/2011): Last Friday night, I tweeted a photograph of myself that I intended to send as a direct message as part of a joke to a woman in Seattle. Once I realized I had posted to Twitter, I panicked, I took it down, and said that I had been hacked.
He lied! For 10 days! And only came clean today when additional photos like this were released. I mean, that is actually understandable. The guy's my age, and he is totally cut! I mean, it'd be hard not to tweet a photo like that. That is why I have made the moral choice to let myself go. I gotta tell ya....
I am in no way tempted to share this with anybody. Proud to say I have the torso of a 76-year-old man. And folks, it turns out these aren't even the only photos.
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY (6/6/2011): To be clear, the picture was of me, and I sent it. ... In addition, over the past few years, I have engaged in several inappropriate conversations conducted over Twitter, Facebook, e-mail, and occasionally on the phone.
Not to mention Morse code, pneumatic tube, and semaphore. But technically, he was not holding a flag. But Weiner did make one thing clear. Jim?
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY (6/6/2011): To be clear, I have never met any of these women or had physical relationships at any time.
No physical relationships with the women. But I think we can say with confidence that those tweets ended with the flogging of the fail whale. It was after this humiliating public confession that Representative Weiner said the most shocking thing of all.
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY (6/6/2011): I'll be glad to take any questions that you might have.
What?!? OK, I have one. Why are you taking questions? Oh, and I have a follow-up. Are you ready to apologize to Andrew Breitbart?
REP. ANTHONY WEINER, D-NY (6/6/2011): I apologize to Andrew Breitbart.
Wow, that was fast. And well you should, Congressman. Breitbart has taken flak for using misleading editing in the ACORN scandal, the Shirley Sherrod scandal, and the NPR scandal. But after this, he is 1 for 4.
And as always, Breitbart was gracious in victory.
ANDREW BREITBART (6/6/2011): It is news, my friend, it is what, it is news. ... I'm here for some vindication.
You got it, Andy! I think it is time to admit not only is this a valuable member of the press, I would go so far as to say this is the Edward R. Murrow of Congressional wang photos.
And I tell ya, folks, this whole sordid, sad, delicious, and sadly delicious sordid saga just reinforces what I've always said. Democrats don't share our values. An elected official is tweeting dirty photos of himself to strange women who he never meets for sex? C'mon! At least Republican Chris Lee was trying to get some action! Republican politicians are man enough to hit that thing. Ensign, Vitter, even when it's a gay scandal! They're not tweeting love letters. They're tearing up an airport bathroom until somebody calls the cops on them!
I mean, call me old fashioned. But I long for simpler times and common sense values. I want to leave our grandchildren an America where Congressmen bang their secretaries. Sorry if there's no app for that.
Stephen then had a hilarious segment where he tried to show Sarah Palin was right about Paul Revere being able to fire a musket and ring a bell all while riding a horse.