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There is a story out about Osama bin Laden not being happy with the name al Qaeda and how he considered changing it to something else.

In a letter found at his Pakistani compound, the late Al-Qaeda mastermind contemplated new names for his terror network that he hoped would better reflect his vision of a holy war with the West, the official, who spoke on condition of anonymity, told AFP.

Sort of a re-branding campaign. But it was tough to come up with something catchy, yet homicidal.

Bin Laden's proposals for alternative names were not exactly dynamic.

He suggested possibly Taifat al-Tawhed Wal-Jihad, or Monotheism and Jihad Group, and Jama'at I'Adat al-Khilafat al-Rashida, translated as Restoration of the Caliphate Group, the official said.

But if you think those names don't exactly strike fear in the average Crusader's heart, just check out the Top 10 Rejected Names for Al Qaeda:

1. KC and the Sunshine Band -- It’s a little-known fact that Osama was a legend in the discos of Beirut back in his sowing-the-wild-oats days.

2. Three Guys and a Truck Bomb -- It’s a variation on the name of a moving company that makes you think it’s a small-town, trustworthy kind of organization. Unfortunately, it was a little too close to what al Qaeda has been reduced to.

3. Gonna Kill All You MFers -- Very direct and to the point, but rejected as having too hard of an edge.

4. Ron Artest -- Since the LA Lakers player is changing his name to Metta World Peace, the Artest brand was available.

5. Koch Brothers -- It had a reactionary, 13th-century ring to it, but was considered just a little too hardcore even for al Qaeda.

6. Justin Bieber -- What this name lacks ideologically it more than makes up for in Twitter followers.

7. Lynyrd Skynyrd -- This was almost adopted, but several of Osama’s wives vetoed it after suffering through his karaoke rendition of “Free Bird.”

8. Cheney -- The idea was to strike fear into the hearts of millions with a name so black and evil that no one would fuck with al Qaeda, but the former vice president just demanded too much in licensing fees.

9. Badda Bing -- Osama was a big "Sopranos" fan and insisted that his wives call him Uncle Junior.

10. Hot Chicks With Big Asses -- It was sure to generate millions of website hits and had the side benefit of providing Osama with a fresh supply of porn.

Originally posted to quaoar on Fri Jun 24, 2011 at 05:40 PM PDT.

Also republished by Hydrant and DKOMA.


What's your favorite rejected new name for the rebranded al Qaeda?

9%8 votes
15%13 votes
3%3 votes
3%3 votes
8%7 votes
7%6 votes
1%1 votes
35%30 votes
0%0 votes
16%14 votes

| 85 votes | Vote | Results

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