I suck at writing diaries, so I'll keep this short.
I am very excited about New York passing the marriage equality law. We've had marriage equality for awhile in Massachusetts. I've been to same sex weddings. It's become, well routine, not a big deal around here anymore.
That's a product of evolution. Mine. And many other peoples.
That's were the mea culpas come in.
I grew up in the 60's/70's in white, and whitebread, suburban Detroit. Frankly I was clueless about gays (mea culpa #1). Didn't know any, I thought. Don't know. Nobody ever talked about it.
The usual homophobic taunts and insults flew around the locker room, and other places. Not me, I promise. But mea culpa #2 for not doing something about it.
Spent more time than planned in Ann Arbor in the late 70's and, again, I don't remember much contact with the gay and lesbian community. I had, as far as I know, no gay friends. Mea culpa #3. I didn't avoid anybody, but I dunno what happened. Nobody ever talked about it.
A very brief job in Indiana, then to Boston. Openly gay and transgendered people became a part of my life. Friends. Colleagues. Neighbors. Drinking buddies. No big deal.
I dove into liberal/Democratic politics. Gay rights. Tenant rights (living in Allston/Brighton). Other battles. Elections won and lost. Fun times. Met my wife doing it.
We ended up in a suburb outside Boston. Not the liberal heartland (Scott Brown was my state rep). But, we joined the local Unitarian Universalist church. We have gay and lesbian members. I became chair of the Democratic Town Committee.
Then the bomb went off. Same sex marriage was legal in Massachusetts. My first reaction was joy for friends who could now get married. Couples that had been together longer than we had.
My second reaction (another mea culpa) was political, "oh no, another wedge issue for the Republicans. Something else to beat up on the Democrats with." That did happen. They did use it against us.
I thought maybe civil unions would be better, to start. Take what you can get. Live to fight another day. Small steps. Evolution.
The wingnuts fought back. A weak kneed Democratic (?!??!??!?) Attorney General let Romney pull out a never used 1913 law to prevent out of state couples from marrying. (He's gone and so is Romney.)
As soon as it was legal two couples I've known for years got married, I was at both weddings. The battle commenced in Massachusetts to overturn the decision. The AG also allowed a proposed ballot measure to overturn the decision to proceed. (Martha Coakley's mentor, nuff said.)
Those marriages were now on the line.
But no more mea culpas. This is now about friends. Neighbors. People I know and love. This was about marriage, theirs and mine. That their relationship was a good, as should be as legal, as mine.
This ain't no teaparty. This is war. And I'm from Detroit. With a masters in politics from Boston. I don't fight nice. (Don't piss off a Unitarian, we got way too much coffee goin on)
State house demonstrations. State house lobbying. One little town, two state reps (??????) one of each.
The fight came down to one vote. A joint session of the legislature. Much like the other night in Albany a long heated battle took place. We won. By the skin on an ant's nose.
But, in Massachusetts, the battle was won. My friends are still married. Life moved on.
And, our town's Republican state rep was a vote switcher. He voted, in the end, to keep the petition off the ballot. I still thank him for that. He still reminds me of it too; cuz he's still a pompous ass.
Now the sad part.
A few years ago we bought a small condo in Maine. We met a gay couple (I'll leave their names out of it). They live in Cambridge, but have a place down the street from us in Maine. They've been together for 30 years. Married soon as it was legal. Great guys.
One of them is very sick. Very sick.
For me, this is where the marriage thing is so important. This is why civil unions doesn't cut it.
That they can go through this as a married couple matters. And matters a lot.
Legally for sure. No bullshit about visiting rights. No bullshit about any rights. Same spousal rights as I have.
More importantly, I think, it's the respect and dignity that comes from being a married couple. And being treated as a married couple.
I didn't understand the difference until I got to know same sex couples. Couples no different than my wife and I. But they were treated differently. Even in Massachusetts. Until they could get married. There is a difference between being a partner and being a husband.
As the world gets more and more same sex marriages, as people get to know more same sex MARRIED couples, more and more people will understand the difference, and accept these couples as equals. Which they are.
That's what happened here after the battle was over. Life went on. Everybody's marriage went on. Or off, as the case may be, for reasons of their own.
We will win this. We will repeal DOMA. We will get marriage equality everywhere. We will get this done. The arc of history will bend towards justice.
And life will go on. Married couples will be married couples.
The bigots will keep fighting. They won't like this. But they didn't like us freeing their slaves or getting rid of Jim Crow either. Eventually history will deal with them.
My last mea culpas. I am sorry it took me and the world so long to get this far. I am sorry President Obama can't make the evolutionary leap to where we need him to be. I am sorry if this diary bothers anybody; sorry if it sucks.
And I am sorry I cannot celebrate New York with my friend.