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Fortune cookies may be among the tackiest and worst tasting foods ever. I'm not talking about somebody's fabulous homemade fortune cookies (if they even exist), I'm talking about the ones wrapped in cellophane that you get at every Chinese take-out restaurant in America.
Nobody opens the cellophane to gobble a cookie that tastes like artificial almond sawdust. People open fortune cookies for the amusement provided by the enclosed slip of paper. There's a lot of stuff there. Not only do you get a fortune, but you can learn to read and pronounce Chinese and play the Image courtesy 123rf.com
winning lotto numbers.
Still, the fortunes are the fascination. They're sort of like Chinese Top Comments. Here are three recent ones I received:
The mood is right for a friendly chat to lead to romance. (I decided not to tell my wife about this one.)
The effort have the potential to pay off handsomely today. (Nice sentiment, but all I want to do is grab my red pen, cross out "The" and change "have" to "has.")
Take advantage of your great imagination. It will serve you well! (Always has. Let's see...mink-covered trapeze, twin blonde supermodels, whipped cream...nevermind.)
OK, so I'm a self-indulgent fool. But I'm not the most self-indulgent nor the most foolish. I found someone who exceeds me in both departments. This guy has a website, joshmadison.com, which is actually pretty cool. He has some pretty funny slogans posted. One of his more candid ones is "Wasting time online since 1993," which appears on the page where he has apparently recorded every fortune he's ever gotten from a cookie. He even notes the ones he's gotten more than once with a number in parentheses. The one he's received most?
Image courtesy usbmemorysticks.net
You have a yearning for perfection. (3)
In this guy's case, it's not a yearning for perfection; it's OCD.
After doing extensive research, I have discovered that certain famous people have received some of the same fortunes that are on the list. I never thought there was anything to fortunes, but after examining my research, I'm not so sure. What do you think?
Political Fortunes
Barack Obama: Dedicate yourself with a calm mind to the task at hand.
Michelle Obama: Your home is the center of great love.
John Boehner: Perhaps you’ve been focusing too much on saving.
Nancy Pelosi: Determination is what you need now.
Harry Reid: Well done is better than well said.
Mitch McConnell: Could I get some directions to your heart?
Eric Cantor: Don’t confuse recklessness with confidence.
Michele Bachmann: From listening comes wisdom and from speaking repentance.
Mitt Romney: The one that recognizes the illusion does not act as if it is real.
John Huntsman: A dubious friend may be an enemy in camouflage.
Rudy Giuliani: Your biggest virtue is your modesty.
Newt Gingrich: Failure is the chance to do better next time.
Sarah Palin: Today your mouth might be moving but no one is listening [also].
Paul Krugman: Advice, when most needed, is least heeded.
Bill Gates: Fortune Not Found: Abort, Retry, Ignore?
The Koch Brothers: He who knows he has enough is rich.
Scott Walker: Be careful or you could fall for some tricks today.
Clarence Thomas: You will have gold pieces by the bushel.
Anthony Weiner: In the end all things will be known.
Warren Buffett: You will become more and more wealthy.
Elizabeth Warren: Competence like yours is underrated.
Teabaggers: No one can walk backwards into the future.
Joe Lieberman: Go take a rest; you deserve it.
John McCain: You are a person of another time.
George W. Bush: It takes courage to admit fault.
Dick Cheney: Society prepares the crime; the criminal commits it.
Rush Limbaugh: Physical activity will dramatically improve your outlook today.
Grover Norquist: The truly generous share, even with the undeserving.
Richard Dawson: Disbelief destroys the magic.
Lt. Dan Choi: All the effort you are making will ultimately pay off.
Bill Maher: Hard words break no bones, fine words butter no parsnips.
Benjamin Netanyahu: Meditation with an old enemy is advised.
The DLC: Feeding a cow with roses does not get extra appreciation.
Fox News viewers: Listen not to vain words of empty tongue.
Independent voters: The person who will not stand for something will fall for anything.
Climate change deniers: The weather is wonderful.
Wall Street bankers: A gambler not only will lose what he has, but also will lose what he doesn’t have.
Right wing fundamentalists: Allow compassion to guide your decisions.
The Oligarchs: What’s yours is mine, and what’s mine is mine.
Wisconsin GOP State Senators: You are soon going to change your present line of work.
Liberals and progressives: Don’t just think, act!
Current TV: Help! I’m being held prisoner in a Chinese bakery!
Daily Kos Fortunes
I was also able to discover what fortunes some Kossacks found in their own cookies by using the awesome DK4 search engine:
kos: You know where you are going and how to get there.
Meteor Blades: You never hesitate to tackle the most difficult problems.
Barbara Morrill: You are solid and dependable.
Kaili Joy Gray: You are very expressive and positive in word, act and feeling.
Hunter: You have a shrewd knack for spotting insincerity.
Darksyde: Curiosity kills boredom. Nothing can kill curiosity.
jotter: You are working hard.
Kitsap River: Everyday in your life is a special occasion.
Vetwife: Pennies from heaven find their way to your doorstep this year!
TomP: People find it difficult to resist your persuasive manner.
Fishgrease: You have the power to write your own fortune.
noweasels: You have a friendly heart and are well admired.
Trix: Happiness begins with facing life with a smile and a wink.
boran2: A truly rich life contains love and art in abundance.
sardonyx: You are never selfish with your advice or your help.
bronte17: The secret to good friends is no secret to you.
asimbagirl: You are talented in many ways.
smileycreek: A smile is your personal welcome mat.
Crashing Vor: Your character can be described as natural and unrestrained.
rserven: Every flower blooms in its own sweet time.
testvet6778: All the troubles you have will pass away very quickly.
JekyllnHyde: If you look in the right places, you can find some good offerings.
OPOL: It is honorable to stand up for what is right, however unpopular it seems.
triciawyse: There’s no such thing as an ordinary cat.
nyceve: Those who care will make the effort.
Julie Gulden: Long life is in store for you.
BiPM: You always bring others happiness.
trashablanca: People are attracted by your delicate features.
teacherken: Education is the ability to meet life’s situations.
DKos political cartoonists: You are admired by everyone for your talent and ability.
Cranky Users: Change is happening in your life, so go with the flow!
DKos Obama "apologists": Your loyalty is a virtue, but not when it’s wedded with blind stubbornness.
DKos Obama "bashers": Remember to share good fortune as well as bad with your friends.
DKos "purists": Accept something that you cannot change, and you will feel better.
DKos "pragmatists": If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.
All DKos diarists: Use your eloquence where it will do the most good.
So what political and DKos fortunes did you find as a result of your own research?
TOP COMMENTS
Thanks to tonight's Top Comments contributors! Let us hear from YOU when you find that worthy epigram (or awesome diatribe) inside the Daily Kos fortune cookies. |
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From Tortmaster:
Here is a comment from GrumpyOldGeek I found to be practical, insightful, brilliant and everything else regarding the Minnesota shutdown from nonprofit jim's diary BREAKING: Minnesota shuts down; 23,000 state workers laid off. GrumpOldGeek mighta put it into a diary, but it was WAAAAAY past his Grumpy bedtime! In any event, the comment is so good, it should get a lot of viewers.
From kestrel9000:
I really can't add much to this comment from Mets102 in today's RKBA diary RKBA: Responses by KVoimakas, but this is the kind of thing I hope to see more of.
From your humble diarist:
In Beetwasher's diary Dems NOT Caving: Strategy Begins To Emerge, RhodaA provides a list of GOP inaction designed to tank the economy.
Seneca Doane starts a great thread with commonmass and Crashing Vor about corporate jets in david mizner's rec-list diary Mr. President, Stop Persecuting Private Jet Owners.
In Barbara Morrill's front page post Mitt Romney's latest flip-flop: Will the media pay attention?, blue aardvark didn't waste any time explaining why Mittens needs to star in a blockbuster film.
As a teacher myself, I really appreciated Johnny Gentle Famous Crooner's rhetorical questions in Chris Bowers' story Michigan strips many collective bargaining rights for teachers; recall effort intensifies.
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Color boxes courtesy bronte17 |