(Authors Note: I find aging to be one of the most challenging, confusing, and fascinating adventures in my life. I deal with it mostly via writing my way through it in private journals. It can be a pretty lonely journey, however, thus, a new group is born, Old Timers Journal. I'll kick it off with today's diary, and hope others will join in!)
If I could wave a magic wand and create a world in which I could truly enjoy the rest of my days, what would it be like?
It would be a life as far off the grid as it is possible to be.
It would be peopled only with others who also have never fit into this culture.
People of all ages and colors and abilities, gathered together around the principle of serving the common good, and planning for seven generations ahead.
It would consist of people with their roots planted deeply in the sweet earth itself, whose hearts can encompass all as being truly equal in all ways, and values based on the simply principles of fairness, justice, integrity, honesty and concern for each others as well as for self.
In my new world, material things that are useful and can be shared would be valued, unseeded, wasteful possessions shunned. Nothing would be taken from the bounty of the earth without gratitude, and great care would be to restore and replace what we use.
People would have time for each other, in my new world. Relationships and the nurturing of heart/soul level connections with each other would be considered our most precious asset, over all else. We would cherish looking into each others eyes, holding hands, leaning upon each others shoulders, laughing an crying together, being human together..
We would each have good work to do, according to the talents and abilities we have, even those who impaired or aged, and all work would be valued equally. And we would all be willing to protect and support the most vulnerable among us who cannot do for themselves.
"First, do no harm", would be a shared foundational principle. Tolerance, acceptance of (and delight in) our differences, compassion, love, these would be considered the highest human attributes.
Ah well, one can dream of a someday to come, long after one is no longer here, in the hopes that one descendants may know a better way to live their lives.
It is quite clear to me that one of the most challenging tasks of these last years is this: finally acquiring the wisdom to know what is of true value in being alive, just as one is about to die.
It is far too late to apply any of it to ones own life: the patterns have completed themselves, the quilt is nearly complete, and it cannot be changed. This was your life's work, now nearly finished. This is your shroud
Nothing can be undone, no value added, no mistakes corrected. Not one single stitch can be taken out, not one ragged, quilt square replaced, not one color changed.
So you sit now in silence, looking for the bright threads and colors that are also woven in, finally able to see that they too, exist amidst the greys and browns of regrets and guilt for not knowing how to love enough, for not being a better person, for the hurt or harm you know you caused to those you love the most..
It takes a close eye and deep stillness to be able to pick out the gold and silver threads that lead to the spots of brilliant colors and patterns that also came from the best parts of who you were, but they are there, and they bring great comfort in these quiet days.
As does the softness of this well worn old familiar fabric, as I pull it to my shoulders against the cool nights, like a baby snuggles with a favorite blankie or stuffed toy..it is my very own quilt, I made it, and it keeps me warm, while I dream of a better world in the making, somewhere, someday, somehow....
To my grand children, I say, don't be fooled by what others tell you to be or to do. Don't believe anyone else's definition of success. Do not ever waste precious life energies chasing cheap rainbows painted against fake skies.
Unplug yourself for part of every day and to walk barefoot on the grass. Forgo the Ipod for birdsong, on a regular basis. Seek the silent solace of the woods and waters, learn to love stillness.
Look into peoples eyes and speak to them with your voice more often than meeting them through faceless finger taps on a screen. Pixels cannot put their arms around you, people can.
Understand that every day, your are creating the quilt of your life, and that each new square or patch can be a new beginning. There are no "mistakes: you know, it's all a part of the weave, and there are endless chances to begin again..and again..and again. And that however your quilt turns out, as long as you make it with your own threads and your own cloth, it will be absolutely beautiful and right and good.