Gambling, drinking and whoring was the main staple of entertainment in the Old West.
Saloons filled with drovers, gamblers, gunslingers, ranchers, harlots, ladies, gentlemen and even a preacher or two running from their faith, was the only escape from hard scratch living.
Not much has changed in the high desert of New Mexico. Booze flows, poker chips pyramid, cards turn and risque moments in upstairs rooms remain the staples in the modern Saloons called Casinos.
At such a place came She of Two Spirits.
It has been ten years now since my friend and I went to a local casino. We like to support our local Pueblos and their casinos are really special.
I remember it was Bingo night. Eight cards / Sixteen games for a double saw buck. Oh, we were armed to the teeth with our ink daubers of multiple colors, good luck charms and quarters to buy pull tabs for the chance at winning a few dollars between games.
A ritual we had done for almost five years. But that night was different. Very, very different.
Bingo would begin in half and hour. Long lengths of tables filled with people all laughing and visiting, getting their "free spaces" all daubed over and sipping on soft drinks and munching chips like chipmunks running amouk.
My friend didn't notice the old woman across and six seats down from us, but I did.
A Native American woman. She was really old. Her wrinkles from time making her look like roots were running through her from head to foot. Gray hair in a long braid hung down her back. Her eyes, like obsidian and still sharp, like a hawk's beak.
She was sitting with two women. I don't know why, but I knew they were her grand daughters. They were very pretty. Almost perky in a wonderful way.
The old woman waved her hand to bring the women closer to her. She was whispering to them. Both turned and looked our way then back to her and both nodded. They got up and came to where my friend and I were sitting.
"Excuse me," one of them politely asked me. "Our Grandmother would like to know if you would give her a blessing?"
"OK," I thought to myself. "This is pretty weird."
"I don't understand, " I said.
"To bless her would be a great honor and gift, which she would not be able to repay," she said. The other woman nodded. Her eyes glued to mine, which was unusual. It is considered bad manners for Native Americans to make eye contact for long periods, so I not only thought, but felt, she was a little afraid of me.
"What kind of 'blessing' does she want from me?" I asked.
"To allow her to touch your face and stroke your hair," replied the other woman.
Here I am, in a casino getting ready to play Bingo and an old Indian woman wants me to give her a blessing. I may have been a little slow on the uptake, but I was all kinds of confused. Then again, what would be the harm.
I told the women that I would come over to give their grandmother a blessing. They vigorously shook their heads, "no." It would be unthinkable that I would come to her, they explained. It seems she was obligated to come to me by Indian custom.
"Jesus," I thought. "This is Twilight Zone time."
All I could do was nod my agreement to their wishes and waited while the two women made their way back to their grandmother to tell her that I had consented to her request.
As the two women talked to the older woman a look of almost benevolence filled her face. The old woman tried to stand and began to totter, but her two grand daughters held on to her. In the old woman's hand was a walking stick. Much like my own.
Slowly. Ever so slowly the group made their way to the end of the long row of tables and then began coming down the side my friend and I were seated. It took the old woman a long time to reach my seat.
Her grand daughters steadied her and she leaned heavily onto her walking stick facing me. The old womans eyes were absolutely beautiful. So dark I could have slipped right into them.
I stood up. I am short, but the old woman was a head shorter than myself.
From living in New Mexico for most of my life, I knew that it was custom among native people's to call all older persons "Grandmother." I spoke softly saying, "If it would please you Grandmother, I would offer you my blessing."
I avoided looking at her constantly, averting my eyes every few seconds, hoping that I was following her peoples custom correctly.
She hestitated for a long moment, then reached up with her wrinkled hands that had done so much in a very long lifetime, and placed them on the sides of my face. She held them there for a what seemed like a long time, but I know it was but a moment.
Then, her hands trembling, touched the hair hanging down both sides of my face. She made several strokes of my hair before letting her hands fall to her sides.
One of her grand daughters placed a small blanket on the floor in front of me and both of them eased the old woman down until she was kneeling. Her hands out in front of her, palms up.
"I thank She of Two Spirits for this greatest of gifts."
Stunned, I almost stammered but caught myself and said, "Grandmother, you are most welcome. You have honored me."
It took awhile, but the two women assisted the old woman up and they all made their way back to their seats. The Bingo area was absolutely dead silent.
Grabbing my purse and telling my friend I would be back, I hastily left into the darkness of the desert evening; finding my way to a secluded bench under a tree. I was gasping for air.
Slowly I began to calm down. An old man was walking slowly toward me. I recognized him as one of the Pueblo elders, but didn't know his name. He asked if he could sit down.
Although I was still confused I welcomed him and he slowly sat, looking at the night sky. It was a beautiful evening and the star people were out in abundance, twinkling.
"Are you alright?" he asked.
"I don't know. I feel funny and very confused about what just happened," I replied.
He didn't say anything for awhile. Finally, he said, "That's understandable. You are not an Indian. What happened was wonderful. You were extremely graceful to the Grandmother and you did very well giving her your gift."
"But I don't understand what gift was it I gave? Something happened. I have to admit that, but I just don't get what it was I gave her and why it seemed to have taken something from me when she touched me," I told him.
He looked at me and then looked back at the star people before saying, "Grandmother knew you had two spirits. One male and one female. Your spirit is balanced. Something that is only given to few among the many by the Creator. You have great power and Grandmother wanted to feel that power. That was the gift and blessing you gave her. What you felt was your own power being shared with her."
As we sat there under the stars I wondered about how cultures are so very different in respects to accepting and understanding gender.
I looked at him and said, "Many, many years ago I was torn in understanding my gender. Finally, I corrected the imbalance. It was never an issue to me about societal roles or sexuality, though. It was always about being in balance within my self. Until tonight, only a few people knew of the journey I made to become balanced. Grandmother's request brought back really bad memories for me."
He said, "Your power came from understanding the battle between your spirits and then bringing them together in harmony. There are many paths for the warrior."
I asked him, "What did Grandmother receive from my 'power?'
He smiled a beautiful smile and turned to me and said, "She is a great medicine woman among our people. She flew with your spirits and now you will carry a part of her with you as you journey to the end."
With that he rose and nodded toward the door. My friend was coming out to look for me.
"I am thankful for your words, Grandfather. But, how did you know about what happened in the casino? I did not see you there?" I said.
He again smiled and said, "I walk the path of the warrior." He then nodded and walked away into the night.
I am She of Two Spirits