No snark this week, kind of a slow news week except for NOTW. Quotes below the fold.
Vice President Joe Biden has a new Twitter account. He said he will not rest until he can embarrass the president on every media platform ever invented.
Slavery had a disastrous impact on African-American families, yet sadly a child born into slavery in 1860 was more likely to be raised by his mother and father in a two-parent household than was an African-American baby born after the election of the USA's first African-American President.
—From the Iowa Family Leader pledge Michele Bachmann and Rick Santorum signed.
Both Bachmann and Santorum had it in their power to scan this and say something like, "hey, if you take out this historical gibberish, I can sign the pledge, but not before.
In one concise document, they manage to condemn gays, single parents, single individuals, divorcees, Muslims, gays in the military, unmarried couples, women who choose to have abortions, and everyone else who doesn’t fit in a Norman Rockwell painting.
—Republican presidential candidate Gary Johnson.
You talk like that, you won't have a chance for the nomination. Oh, wait...
I am opposed to providing condoms to someone. If you want to have a party, have a party, but don’t ask me to pay for it.
—New Hampshire council member Raymond Wieczorek
Party like it's 1909.
Well, that is true. That’s my single most important political goal, along with every active Republican in the country. But that’s in 2012. Our biggest goal for this year is to get this country straightened out.
—Sen. Mitch McConnell, on defeating Obama.
I can promise you Casey Anthony and anyone else who I think might've killed their children will have no business in a Herman Cain administration.
—Herman Cain, as channeled by Alex Parene.
This is not magic. This is like a cookbook. Lower taxes. Fewer regulations. A focus on American energy.
And grilled unicorn. Don't forget about that.
I simply don't believe the Democrats would really be worse off with voters if they committed themselves to putting people back to work, policing Wall Street, throwing their weight behind a real public option in health care, making hedge fund managers pay the same tax rates as ordinary people, ending the pointless wars abroad, etc. That they won't do these things because they're afraid of public criticism, and "responding to pressure," is an increasingly transparent lie.
It was so hot in California today that Arnold Schwarzenegger's clothes were out on the lawn setting themselves on fire.
For that snarky Bernie Goldberg to come on your program and to suggest that my view of the prosecution case would be different if the victim was a Mexican immigrant was a lying, low blow with heavy racial overtones and I owe him a bloody nose. I am serious.
—Geraldo Rivera on his recent feud with Bernie Goldberg on Fox.
Do you know how hard it is to shut down a British tabloid?
—John Oliver, on the News of the World scandal.
[John] Lennon was a conservative unless he comes onto my show and debates me otherwise. If he doesn't, he is a coward.
—Stephen Colbert, on the news that alleges Lennon was a conservative.
Imagine there's no debt ceiling. It's easy if you try.
That about sums up where we are at this stage of this ridiculous Kabuki theater. Republicans are taking the country to the brink of default demanding spending cuts that will signify their commitment to fiscal responsibility, smaller government and austerity -- but for reasons that are political in the macro and micro sense, they can't come up with a list of cuts that actually gets the job done. It's not that they can't do the math. Believe me.
Well, dropping bombs or something.
—Ann Coulter, convinced that we bombed Egypt on Bill Maher.
Way to bomb, Ann.
Quote the Ravin', a weekly roundup of quotes from the internets, comes out every Tuesday afternoon.