My political history is fraught with change. My first conclusions, as a high school kid in the 90s, led me to the idea that less government is better. I listened to and read Rush Limbaugh, I cheered the new republican majority in 94 with my conservative Business Law (high school) teacher, and I argued in an arrogant me first, richer is better type of manner.
As I went through high school, I discovered the Beatles, then the Grateful Dead. At the same time opened my life to mind-expanding experimentation of various sorts. I read 60's revolutionary literature and transcendentalists, and the new testament.
As my empathy senses grew, I started to see the shortcomings in my thinking. I started to notice that the conservatives in Washington preached about small government and keeping government out of my life. They preached about being Christians and using these ideals to guide them. But then in reality they were mean-spirited and hypocritical. They pursued policies that created more wars and enhanced the worst facets of consumerist society. They pushed a drug war that creates criminals out of people who want to experiment with their most personal asset - their consciousness.
My conservatism transformed into a sort of creative anarchy, with my political heroes becoming Ghandi, Edward Abbey, and (the revolutionary) Jesus of Nazareth. This is pretty much still my ideal belief system. In the long term, I think human evolution is leading us to a decentralized society where each person's conscience is the guide to what to do and what not to do. Love is the way to this.
I am not stupid though. I look around and I see that we are still thousands of years of evolution away from this ideal "heaven on earth". I realize that anarchy at this point in the evolution of consciousness means destruction and fear. Far from the self policed community ideal that is the bright shining vision in my mind.
I became disinterested in politics in general, as it seemed that all sides were fighting for the same corporate BS and society. Then came the 2000 election. I argued in favor of third parties. I thought Gore Vs Bush was a battle of twins and it wouldn't matter which one we ended up with, as the Democrats were as beholden to the corporate fascists that I despised as much as anyone.
Boy was I wrong. I don't need to go into how wrong I was. I don't need to tell you guys the path we went down over those next dark 8 years. Bush2 mobilized me for the democrats. I campaigned for Kucinich a bit. I voted for John Kerry. I watched in anguish as the totals came in spelling out 4 more years.
Again I tuned out, as it was too difficult for me to pay attention. I would get angry with both sides as ignorance ruled the day and common sense was replaced with idiotic jingoist bs.
So along comes 2008 and this Democrat is able to unite the base. He has shining things to say. I examined his record, read his books, and saw - hey this guy is a corporatist, a centrist, a compromiser. Far from my ideals on every level. But you know we could get him elected, and he is truly a smart man, "on our side", doing his best in a difficult and complicated world. Progressive savior? Far from it. Reasonable alternative to the other side? You betcha.
So again I tuned out, as I am wont to do, in non election times. I am a busy person. I do not have a political career. Politicians of all stripes irritate me and the games they play nauseate me. My perception is that my little voice - an extremist pacifist green hippie programmer musician in the mountains of North Carolina - has no place in the discourse and would not gain serious consideration in most forums. So I let them do their thing. Then I check in a year or so ahead, see where everyone is standing, and make my decisions.
DailyKos has long been my sanctuary. I'll check in here to get a pulse on progressive democrat thought and see the community. I always admired the way folks here are able to come to common ground despite great differences. The biggest hindrance to progressive politics in my mind is that no one can quite agree what that means. Whereas conservatives present a united front. Of course none of this is new thinking.
So now I come around here and man it's crazy to see what the conversation has devolved to. Infighting and skepticism and disillusionment that would make Limbaugh's bloated heart skip a beat with excitement.
I am not sure my point here, I don't want this to be a goodbye cruel world diary. I'm not a concern troll. I don't mean to say "it was better before YOU came to dailykos". But what is clear to me is that we are scattered and scared. Focus has been lost. A feeling of betrayal from those we thought would save us is palpable.
But to me, nothing has changed in Washington -> we still have roughly the same Dems that were spineless and ineffective during Bush's era. To think that Obama coming in would change that strikes me as fairly starry eyed for a group that tends to have a pretty good grasp on reality.
What I see from Obama is a smart, relatively conservative democrat, who would make a deal with most anyone in the name of getting something done. I see a man in a very difficult position.
I understand that the activist base works hard every day on these issues and has a lot more skin in this game than I do. I see that there is frustration when you perceive that those you thought would help are the very roadblocks you must fight against. But the focus that was gained in 2008 needs to be reestablished over the next year or we are doomed to repeat my mistake in 2000. The idea that whoever else might somehow take us down a better path than 4 more years of Mr. Obama is absolutely foolish in my mind. So tighten your belts, quit yer bitchin, and roll with the punches. If you think that 3 years of McCain would have us in a better spot, I would say your crystal ball has a crack in it.