Skip to main content


Gravity.  That's the only word to describe yesterday's news.  This issue was bursting at the seams and in the end the S&P had no choice but to get it off their chest.  The country had watched for weeks in awe as layer after layer of debate was stripped down, leaving the exposed flesh of the American political system strewn across the newspapers of the world.  And then it happened...

Standard & Poor's downgraded the bra size of the United States from D Cup to Tea Cup.

Many feared it was inevitable.  The far-right Tea Party had long urged the U.S. to consider a reduction, complaining that for years the country had carried extra weight, exposing itself publicly to long-term ails.  One Tea Party politician, Scott Mound of Massachusetts, ripped a page out of the progressive playbook, claiming that "without a reduction, we'll just be balancing this thing on the lower backs of the poor."  

The D's, however, countered that a reduction was not a complete solution and that implanting more investment would be crucial to the health of the nation.  A well-rounded approach was needed, they said, tit for tat.

"We've tried to compromise," one White Blouse spokesman told reporters in the final days of the debate.  "We've delivered added support from the bottom up and padded this plan from the top down.  The Republicans need to stop trying to milk this thing for all it's worth."

Once the downgrade was announced, the question quickly became, "how big of a deal is a U.S. bra size downgrade, anyway?" Naturally, leading financial voices jumped at the chance to shape the discussion.

"The markets tend to have a short-term mammary," a top Organ Stanley official remarked.  "When life gives you melons, make melonade."

In lockstep, high-ranking advisers at rival Goldman Sags echoed this assertion, issuing a statement that claimed "U.S. bra size will perk back up by the next election" and that "the nation will get over these humps."

But not everyone has been able to take such a firm stance.  Popular columnist Paul Jugman, who has been outspoken about a downgrade to Tea Cup resulting from a reduction from day one, wrote this morning that "this problem will undoubtedly balloon.  The government should be racked...with guilt."

Sadly, for the average American, determining who is right and who is wrong is no simple task.  Media pundits like Milf Blitzer, Cans Coulter, Brit Huge, and Donna Brazier offer wildly conflicting interpretations of the economic landscape, creating an environment where only one thing is truly certain: we'll all be glued to the boob tube until the last drop.

Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags


More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site