Stephen Colbert is jumping on the urgent e-mail business that political candidates are using to help fundraise.
Here's the full transcript.
Nation, as you know, last month I formed Colbert Super PAC, and since then, I have learned some disturbing stuff about campaign finance.
Apparently, some people are such political junkies, that donating money is a way to get a fix. In the last quarter alone, more than 1,300 people gave 5 or more times to the same candidate. For example:
"I'm trying to restrain myself," said a donor who in recent months has given to ... Tim Pawlenty 11 times.
Making Tim Pawlenty the world's most boring addiction. Next to freebasing iceberg lettuce.
And it's not just Republicans that are addicted, folks. Donating to Obama is like smoking pot. Everything feels new for a while, but at the end of the day you realize you didn't get anything done.
And folks, these campaigns.... (audience laughter) You guys been hittin' the Obama? These campaigns soliciting money know exactly what buttons to push. They send urgent e-mails with emotional triggers that make you feel part of something bigger.
Like Bachmann's "Join the fight", Pawlenty's "I can't do it alone", and Herman Cain's "Give me $5, and I'll punch a Muslim."
This is shameless manipulation, and I am disgusted... that I am not doing it. So if you'll excuse me, I just need to draft a quick e-mail to my Super PAC members. (pulls out laptop) A second here, pull that up...
Subject line: Spiders in Your Hair
Dear Future Victims,
They're doing it again, and we have only seconds to stop them before you, your pets, and everyone you love could experience whatever it is you're most afraid of!
And don't forget, earlier I used the phrase "Spiders In Your Hair."
Send me $25 dollars right now to make a difference. Or send me $100 dollars to make four differences. Or just let the bad guys win. Your choice.
Quick! Look behind you!
Stephen Colbert
And... send.
So folks, give compulsively. We accept cash, credit cards, heirloom jewelry, gold teeth, silver teeth, and teeth. We'll be right back.
Video below the fold.
Stephen also
noted how the
New York Post covered the stock market by using a hooker as an analogy. He then noted how PPP showed
God's poll numbers are slipping, and then discussed it with Jesuit priest
Jim Martin.
Meanwhile, Jon looked at the Wisconsin recalls and discussed how Fox News is using the phrase "the Obama downgrade" with Larry Wilmore. He then had on law professor John Coffee to discuss how the major credit ratings actually work.