Now that Tea Party darling Senator Rand Paul is on record claiming that Corporations are the middle class, it's time for the GOP to make their campaign slogan for 2012 "Ask not what your Corporations can do for you, ask what you can do for your corporation."
That's right. It's trickle down on meth for dummies.
This follows GOP Presidential Nominee frontrunner and notable talking business suit Mitt Romney, who claims, "Corporations are people, my friend."
You see, when Bank of America gets a bail out, it really is a trickle down bailout of the middle class. When Republicans use the term middle class, what they really mean is corporations, just like when they say small business, what they really mean is huge multinational corporations. Especially corporations that fund their campaigns.
Which begs the question, if Corporations are people, what exactly is the America campaign finance system other than a farcical form of legalized bribery?
And what should Corporations do for you? NOTHING. Create jobs? Nope. You have to figure that out for yourselves, and if Walmart is kind enough to employ you peasants you should shut the fuck up and be grateful for it. Provide you with affordable health care? That sounds like welfare, or, as George Carlin would have said, your stuff is stuff, other people's stuff is crap, but subsidies to massively profitable Oil companies? That's not corporate welfare. Why? Because Republicans who are funded by Big Oil say so.
You see, Ask not what your Corporation can do for you, ask what you can do for your Corporation is the heart of GOP philosophy today, and Republicans like Mitt Romney or any of the other corporate robots will never admit that saying "Corporations are people, my friend" is a massive gaffe that shows not only just how out of touch Republicans are, but how beholden they are to the corporations that buy them. They can't admit this is out of touch lunacy, so they have to double down on it.
The Democratic Party is presented with a HUGE opportunity if they can only attack the GOP for this absurdity and make it the center piece of their messaging, that at a time of "shared sacrifice" every that every serious GOP Presidential Candidate has pledged to not raise taxes on the rich even if they get 10 cuts in spending on the working class in exchange for each 1 raise in revenue, that at a time when the rich are richer than ever and corporations are hoarding cash and refusing to hire we must ply the corporations with welfare and tax bailouts while slashing everything the working class depends on for survival. Nope, workers and consumers can get lost, corporations are people, and corporations are the only people that Republicans will defend.
Of course, Mitt Romney, Rand Paul and the other Bushbots (and yes, if you voted in lockstep with George W. Bush for over 90% of your term in Congress from 2000-2008, or if you voted for him twice, you are a STILL a Bushbot, otherwise known as a teabagger, Fox Viewer or the dumbest 25% of people in America) are all following the Republican majority of the Supreme Court, who claim that Corporations are people because they believe so much in a strict interpretation of the Constitution. Nevermind that absolutely nothing in the Constitution says anything about one man's property having rights equal to another man. Like much of Conservative dogma, they just made it up. Just like WMD's in Iraq, just like "Death Panels" just like the big lie that Tax Cuts are the answer to every problem ever. The GOP is selling you the idea that 1 minus 1 equals 2 and that Corporations are the innocent little guy in all of this that needs the GOP's protection.
And now resident super genius on the right Sarah Palin has chimed in with her massive knowledge on the matter . .
KEYES: Governor, are corporations people?
PALIN: The people pay the taxes. It’s not an entity — the corporation itself — that pays the taxes. It’s the people who pay the taxes. So Mitt Romney was right.
So this is the message that Republican politicians are going to sell to struggling Americans? That if we all suck it up and take one for the team, Bank of America will have your back? That if Bank of America does great, eventually that money will trickle down? We saw that it doesn't with our own eyes back in 2008-2009, you can bailout these banksters and cut their taxes until the cows come home, they will NOT create jobs, rather, they will give themselves bonuses and ship jobs overseas so they can make a little bit more profit than last year while they jack up your credit card rates and illegally foreclose on your home, but then, it's a good thing your home got foreclosed on, because what is good for Nationwide is good for you.
But really, if this is their big talking point, that Mitt Romney is right, that Corporations are people too, and that the best thing we can do is let Corporate America run loose and wild, as the God of Free Markets intended, unencumbered by safety regulations and taxation, to be the godlike "Job Creators" that we shall all suckle at the tit of to the shared benefit of all, well, good luck with that, but first, lets change the Pledge of Allegiance to reflect those Conservative values . . .
I pledge allegiance to the Charter of the United Corporations of America,
and to the shareholders for which they stand,
One nation under a Christian God who speaks through the Republican Party and Fox News who are indivisible,
With Economic Liberty and Justice for all Corporations.
Really, if Corporations are people, why doesn't Bank of America just run for President as a Republican instead of bribing these chumps to do it for him? Or is Bank of America a her?
You can follow me on Twitter @JesseLaGreca