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Now that Tea Party darling Senator Rand Paul is on record claiming that Corporations are the middle class, it's time for the GOP to make their campaign slogan for 2012 "Ask not what your Corporations can do for you, ask what you can do for your corporation."

That's right. It's trickle down on meth for dummies.

This follows GOP Presidential Nominee frontrunner and notable talking business suit Mitt Romney, who claims, "Corporations are people, my friend."

Image Hosting by PictureTrail.com   You see, when Bank of America gets a bail out, it really is a trickle down bailout of the middle class. When Republicans use the term middle class, what they really mean is corporations, just like when they say small business, what they really mean is huge multinational corporations. Especially corporations that fund their campaigns.

    Which begs the question, if Corporations are people, what exactly is the America campaign finance system other than a farcical form of legalized bribery?

    And what should Corporations do for you? NOTHING. Create jobs? Nope. You have to figure that out for yourselves, and if Walmart is kind enough to employ you peasants you should shut the fuck up and be grateful for it. Provide you with affordable health care? That sounds like welfare, or, as George Carlin would have said, your stuff is stuff, other people's stuff is crap, but subsidies to massively profitable Oil companies? That's not corporate welfare. Why? Because Republicans who are funded by Big Oil say so.

   You see, Ask not what your Corporation can do for you, ask what you can do for your Corporation is the heart of GOP philosophy today, and Republicans like Mitt Romney or any of the other corporate robots will never admit that saying "Corporations are people, my friend" is a massive gaffe that shows not only just how out of touch Republicans are, but how beholden they are to the corporations that buy them. They can't admit this is out of touch lunacy, so they have to double down on it.  

    The Democratic Party is presented with a HUGE opportunity if they can only attack the GOP for this absurdity and make it the center piece of their messaging, that at a time of "shared sacrifice" every that every serious GOP Presidential Candidate has pledged to not raise taxes on the rich even if they get 10 cuts in spending on the working class in exchange for each 1 raise in revenue, that at a time when the rich are richer than ever and corporations are hoarding cash and refusing to hire we must ply the corporations with welfare and tax bailouts while slashing everything the working class depends on for survival. Nope, workers and consumers can get lost, corporations are people, and corporations are the only people that Republicans will defend.

Of course, Mitt Romney, Rand Paul and the other Bushbots (and yes, if you voted in lockstep with George W. Bush for over 90% of your term in Congress from 2000-2008, or if you voted for him twice, you are a STILL a Bushbot, otherwise known as a teabagger, Fox Viewer or the dumbest 25% of people in America) are all following the Republican majority of the Supreme Court, who claim that Corporations are people because they believe so much in a strict interpretation of the Constitution. Nevermind that absolutely nothing in the Constitution says anything about one man's property having rights equal to another man. Like much of Conservative dogma, they just made it up. Just like WMD's in Iraq, just like "Death Panels" just like the big lie that Tax Cuts are the answer to every problem ever. The GOP is selling you the idea that 1 minus 1 equals 2 and that Corporations are the innocent little guy in all of this that needs the GOP's protection.

And now resident super genius on the right Sarah Palin has chimed in with her massive knowledge on the matter . .

   KEYES: Governor, are corporations people?

    PALIN: The people pay the taxes. It’s not an entity — the corporation itself — that pays the taxes. It’s the people who pay the taxes. So Mitt Romney was right.

thinkprogress.org

    So this is the message that Republican politicians are going to sell to struggling Americans? That if we all suck it up and take one for the team, Bank of America will have your back? That if Bank of America does great, eventually that money will trickle down? We saw that it doesn't with our own eyes back in 2008-2009, you can bailout these banksters and cut their taxes until the cows come home, they will NOT create jobs, rather, they will give themselves bonuses and ship jobs overseas so they can make a little bit more profit than last year while they jack up your credit card rates and illegally foreclose on your home, but then, it's a good thing your home got foreclosed on, because what is good for Nationwide is good for you.

   But really, if this is their big talking point, that Mitt Romney is right, that Corporations are people too, and that the best thing we can do is let Corporate America run loose and wild, as the God of Free Markets intended, unencumbered by safety regulations and taxation, to be the godlike "Job Creators" that we shall all suckle at the tit of to the shared benefit of all, well, good luck with that, but first, lets change the Pledge of Allegiance to reflect those Conservative values . . .

I pledge allegiance to the Charter of the United Corporations of America,
and to the shareholders for which they stand,
One nation under a Christian God who speaks through the Republican Party and Fox News who are indivisible,
With Economic Liberty and Justice for all Corporations.

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Really, if Corporations are people, why doesn't Bank of America just run for President as a Republican instead of bribing these chumps to do it for him? Or is Bank of America a her?

You can follow me on Twitter @JesseLaGreca

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tips for "We have nothing to fear, but . . . (16+ / 0-)

    Muslims
    Abortion Providers
    Welfare
    Spending
    Taxes
    Regulations
    Immigrants
    The New Black Panther Party
    ACORN
    George Soros
    A One World Government
    The Tides Foundation
    Socialism
    Communism
    Hitler
    Terrorists
    Nazi's
    Facism
    Totalitarian Government
    Death Panels
    WMD's
    Feminists
    Labor Unions
    Teachers
    Public Employees
    Mexicans
    Atheists
    SpongeBob Squarepants
    The Federal Government
    The Lamestream Liberal Media
    Washington D.C.
    The Gay Agenda
    and "Gotcha Journalism"

    If I left anything out, and I am sure I did, let me know in the comments below.

    The GOP, an amalgamation of people who hate things, with a vast array of older, wealthier white Christian people to choose from to protect your corporate citizenship.

    Oh, and black President's, they sure hate those too.

    FAIL

    much more would be accomplished if just half the energy that goes into this internal battling went into the real activism ~Kossack Meteor Blades

    by MinistryOfTruth on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 12:48:13 PM PDT

    •  We also must fear (3+ / 0-)

      Those addicted to drugs. So much so that we should make sure not to provide education and rehabilitation to them.

      And those that have sex before marriage.

      Also, fear spending, as you said, unless it's to bomb brown people across the world. Or to lock our people up in prison. They love that.

      I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma- Wizard of Oz; If you have half a brain you won't need a diploma- Frank Levey www.MarylandPoliticalNews.Com

      by weathercoins on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:12:09 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  So, if corporations are people, getting all the (3+ / 0-)

      benefits thereof, shouldn't we all incorporate?  My husband and I could become one corporation, all the families in the neighborhood could each form their own corporation, my cousins back in Illinois could incorporate their own individual families into corporations because, after all is said and done, we're all people.  And then, if we are corporations, don't we get all the benefits of being incorporated?  

      My husband is very good at doing our yearly income taxes and wouldn't he have a blast checking out all the tax exemptions that corporations get.  Wonder how many we would qualify for?  Wonder how the IRS would cope with all the new corporations formed by various and sundry families?   But, hey, we're all corporations now.  

      Just asking.  (And BTW, I think this post qualifies as snark?)  

      We must all hang together or we will all hang separately. Benjamin Franklin

      by IllanoyGal on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 02:38:45 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

    •  MOT - Why are you singling out Republicans? (0+ / 0-)

      All of this "Bailout" started when DEMS controlled the congress.

      This problem is not a Republican issue - it is a Both Sides issue.

  •  So they're people huh? (8+ / 0-)

    I need to see some birth certificates to verify this.

    Long form only of course.

  •  An opportunity (5+ / 0-)
     The Democratic Party is presented with a HUGE opportunity if they can only attack the GOP for this absurdity and make it the center piece of their messaging, that at a time of "shared sacrifice" every that every serious GOP Presidential Candidate has pledged to not raise taxes on the rich even if they get 10 cuts in spending on the working class in exchange for each 1 raise in revenue, that at a time when the rich are richer than ever and corporations are hoarding cash and refusing to hire we must ply the corporations with welfare and tax bailouts while slashing everything the working class depends on for survival. Nope, workers and consumers can get lost, corporations are people, and corporations are the only people that Republicans will defend.

    If we believe the Democrats aren't also on the side of the corporations.

    Unfortunately, it gets clearer and clearer that their ineffective resistance is actually very effective insofar as it perpetuates the illusion that there is more than one side to this debate in the halls of power.

    They didn't take baby steps when they saved the Rich.

    by Whimsical Rapscallion on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:00:00 PM PDT

    •  Sadly agreed (2+ / 0-)

      Which is why I am thrilled that Elizabeth Warren might run against Bankster Scott Brown, as her presence in the 2012 campaign system is the perfect illustration of how one side (The GOP) has NOTHING to offer the working class except cuts and pain, whereas the other side, our side, CAN offer more, and should.

      much more would be accomplished if just half the energy that goes into this internal battling went into the real activism ~Kossack Meteor Blades

      by MinistryOfTruth on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:04:45 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  That's the sad part (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        MinistryOfTruth

        Even if their priority #1 was getting elected and increasing their political power, this would be an obvious win.  Take a populist stand, paint the republicans as lackeys to the fat cats, and offer people the opportunity and the support to create a better life for themselves and their loved ones.

        In the absence of a push for these things, one can only conclude that National Democrats are (A) weak and ineffectual or (B) doing exactly what the neo-aristocracy is telling them to.

        The good news is, oppression is eventually thrown off.  Every. Single.  Time.

        Cheers.

        They didn't take baby steps when they saved the Rich.

        by Whimsical Rapscallion on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:21:28 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  The Bad News is that we've never (0+ / 0-)

          experienced anything like this level of surveillance, intelligence and power discrepancy between the State and the People. We are truly in a Brave New World in those terms, and those gaps were much wider in previous times of oppression.

          Democracy - 1 person 1 vote. Free Markets - More dollars more power.

          by k9disc on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 08:10:14 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

  •  Hallelujah-----------AMEN! ;-) n't (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    MinistryOfTruth
  •  The next step is to ask these people (6+ / 0-)

    "If corporations are people, can they get married?  Can they be tried for murder?  Should they be taxed at the individual rates?"

    "Nothing in all the world is more dangerous than sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity." --M. L. King "You can't fix stupid" --Ron White

    by zenbassoon on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:07:47 PM PDT

  •  This whole GOP austerity bullshit (3+ / 0-)

    Is a total win-win for the Democrats, if they were a party on the side of the working class and willing to fight for it.

    This debt ceiling thing- if Democrats insisted from the start ONLY Clinton or Reagan-level taxes on the super-rich and corporations, with no cuts to the middle-class or poor, and then were persistent, we would have seen a much better deal that actually was a compromise, that probably favored our side.

    So yeah, Democrats can win on this issue. But something tells me they won't. The corporate money goes to both parties, and sometimes, sadly, even more to Democrats than the GOP (Walmart, etc.)

    Real change will only come when real campaign finance reform becomes a reality. And that won't happen until we have a much better Supreme Court, and Democrats that know how to fight. And better messaging. Much, much, much better messaging.

    I can't give you a brain, but I can give you a diploma- Wizard of Oz; If you have half a brain you won't need a diploma- Frank Levey www.MarylandPoliticalNews.Com

    by weathercoins on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:08:23 PM PDT

  •  Projection and Irrational Rationalization!!! (0+ / 0-)

    This is how the convince themselves that their support of the rick and of corporate interests is 'Patriotic' and representative of 'everyone'

    It is the height of Cognitive Dissonance.

    As a Republican, I represent my constituents. My constituents are the rich and the corporations sure, but I believe that 'Corporations are people', therefore, I represent 'everyone' because Corporations are the 'people', and the 'people' are America.

    They can then pat themselves on the back for being representative of every one, and for being patriotic, all while feeding at the corporate trough to further their political careers.

    Loathesome...

    -6.38, -6.21: Lamented and assured to the lights and towns below, Faster than the speed of sound, Faster than we thought we'd go, Beneath the sound of hope...

    by Vayle on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 01:52:04 PM PDT

  •  Are all the polls weirding out? (0+ / 0-)

    Is there supposed to be more to the question than "which?" Because that's all I see.  Glitch?

    Politics is the art of changing what's possible.

    by happymisanthropy on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 06:40:29 PM PDT

  •  Great piece, Jesse! (0+ / 0-)

    I'd like to see us really make hay with the Sponsorship Logos on Politicians. It really is a powerful image that supports the thrust of this piece.

    Who will stand for a Human Agenda? Who will step in and put themselves at risk to fight the Corporate Agenda?

    More Logos on Politicians is a powerful tool to fighting this crap.

    Democracy - 1 person 1 vote. Free Markets - More dollars more power.

    by k9disc on Fri Aug 12, 2011 at 08:14:16 PM PDT

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