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Friends: I'm Sally Struthers, and I'm here to tell you about a horrible epidemic that's spreading its poison through the veins of our society. It's a problem that often goes unreported in our society, leaving the innocent, helpless victims in tatters, while they silently cry to the heavens, simply: "Why?".

It's a known fact that Presidents are in this country EVERY DAY, huddled in a corner of their large, white, government-funded mansion housing, getting criticized for the things they've done. They were never warned that this would happen. They took the job expecting nothing but praise for every bodily function they excreted, but instead entered a world of pain and grief, watching percentage point after precious percentage point of their approval slip away. The pain, as you can see from this picture, is almost too much to bear.

But you, dear viewers, can make a difference.

There are so many instances of presidential criticism today, that most aren't even reported. Most cases that do get reported, AREN'T EVEN PROSECUTED. That's because not many people understand the plight of President Obama. Every night, ravenous packs of liberals roam the streets, looking to spew their venomous discourse on the first president they find. And the aftershocks are, indeed, shocking.

Oops, sorry, that picture's for my next infomercial. Here we go...

Feelings are sometimes in serious, serious danger of being hurt! Sometimes, as you can see, his brows even FURROW, as people IN HIS OWN PARTY turn on him for petty reasons of principle, and a refusal to EVEN CONSIDER joining a cult of personality! Sometimes, he even writes a speech that vaguely delivers mild criticism of people that aren't even his opponents...but still, these parasitic liberals, in their power-drunk, ruthless savagery, DO NOT STOP.

And over time, our society is left with broken shells of individuals, just hoping to pick up the pieces of their lives in the aftermath.

DAMMIT! Frank, help me with these damn Flickr links!

However, working in conjunction with UNICEF, the Salvation Army, and Wall Street bankers worldwide, a small donation at the maximum limit that campaign finance laws will allow will go a long way. You can tell your President that yes, you refuse to hold him to the standards you may have had four years ago. Yes, it is WRONG to criticize people in power. Say YES to unfounded blind faith! YES to allegiance to personality over party! Look into this President's sweet little eyes, and ask yourselves, "Do you really want to hurt me? Do you really want to make me cry? Precious kisses, words that burn me. Lovers never ask you why." Okay, leave that last sentence out. But DEFINITELY ask yourself the other stuff and donate right now!

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