Yesterday I saw a dear friend have to deal with some difficult health care decisions about his very ill brother. My friend isn't even the next of kin; his brother has an adult son in another state, but father and son are not on speaking terms. My friend isn't supposed to have to make difficult life and death decisions. Even worse, his brother is still in a condition where he can make those decisions for himself, but refuses to do so.
Believe me, I can understand not wanting to face one's own death. But the science of health care today has outpaced our ethical understanding of the ramifications of that science. That's why I am advocating that everyone prepare an advance directive and power of attorney for health care while you are able to. Why put that yoke on a relative who will most likely already be in an emotional state?
I prepared an advance care plan six years ago when I was going to have jaw surgery. The surgery was supposed to be no big deal, and it was uneventful. But I was in my 40's, with no family nearby. The Terri Schiavo case had been all over the news, including the fact that Tennessee Senator Bill Frist was diagnosing her from a video. The guy I was dating at the time was in Florida, and we talked at length about it. Further, my dad had just died a few months prior to that, and even though both my parents had planned for their passing, they did not plan advance directives, and it turned into a mess pitting my brother against my mom. I was not going to have any of that.
In the state of Tennessee, it's a simple thing to prepare an advance directive and appointment of health care agent. The forms are online, and I simply printed them out, completed them, and had them witnessed. I made decisions about quality of life, treatment plans, funeral plans, hospice, and most importantly, who would make those decisions. It took plenty of thought, but in the end it was very simple, and I have not changed a thing since then. All I have to do is make a new copy when I go to a new doctor, and the original is kept in a safe place.
For myself, I have decided that an unacceptable quality of life is a permanent unconscious condition, if I'm dependent in all activities of daily living, or if I have any end-stage illness. I have also chosen to reject all CPR, life support, treatment of new conditions, or feeding tubes, but palliative care is acceptable. I have also specified traditional Jewish burial. (Don't worry - I do NOT expect to be in a position to test any of this out anytime soon, for those of you who have been following my cancer treatment.)
So, after y'all post your good mornings, find out what your state has to offer in the way of advance care plans and powers of attorney for health care. Think about those, like my friend, who might be faced with making those decisions and have no idea what your wishes might be.
Now, on to the jibber jabber.