* cooties
* telemarketing calls
* drinks that involve pre-made commercial cocktail syrups, such as sour apple.
* exaggeration, hyperbole and spin designed to push my hot buttons
* leaks in my roof
* parking tickets
* to hear about your grandchildren
* spam texts
* the fastest wireless network available so I can download trivial crap in public while ignoring the world around me.
* a slap across the back of the head
* the black plague
* another God-fearing president from Texas
* to slow down and rubberneck at disabled vehicles in the opposite lane.
* gas powered hedge clippers
* soy latte anything
* to read anything on the rec list anymore, except I just can't seem to help myself
* tomato horn worms
* cable news
* whatever the f*** it is the national chain restaurants have decided to spice with chipotle today as though it would be some magic word that would make me forget about the fact that the thing itself tastes like a packing peanut
* a plague of locust (although I gotta admit that would be really something to witness)
* the lushest, greenest lawn possible
* John Phillips Sousa albums
* to come to your church/prayer meeting/temple/etc. -- I'm sure you're all very nice people but it's just not my scene, k?
* pictures of middle aged congressional torso
* to hit my thumb with a hammer
* to hit someone else's thumb with a hammer
* a whole bunch of other shit I can't think of right this second
If Americans wants any of these things I don't want to hear about it.