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Last night, both Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert had segments looking at just how fucking insane the Tea Party is in their seeming thirst for blood and death of American citizens.

AL MADRIGAL: What ideals??  I mean, the party that started out fearing death panels has become one!  It doesn't make any sense.  This is Florida; half the population's in a coma.  (audience applause)  I just really don't think that any candidate will ever be good enough.

JON STEWART: Well, someone will come along.  That's how these types of politics go.  Another Ronald Reagan, who can rally the....

AL MADRIGAL: What??  Are you nuts?  Ronald Reagan was a Hollywood Commie who raised taxes, grew government, and gave amnesty to illegal immigrants.  That poor son of a bitch would get eaten alive by this crowd.  (wild audience applause)  I will go as far as to say that no human being, living, dead, or fictional, would ever satisfy the Tea Party.

JON STEWART: (thinks)  They love the Founding Fathers.  Thomas Jefferson.

AL MADRIGAL: Hehe.  That's you bringing it!  The man cut up his Bible, loved the French, and had a well-documented case of jungle fever.  Bzzzt.  Try again.

JON STEWART: OK, fictional, right?  Superman.

AL MADRIGAL: Illegal immigrant.

Nation, these debates are supposed to help us find the Republican Presidential candidate, but they've already helped us to find his running mate: the Grim Reaper.

That's right, the Angel of Death.  Clearly, he is popular with the GOP base this year.  He's got all the qualifications they're looking for.  He's old.  And bone white.  He's packing a weapon.  He's got an incredible war record.  And believe me, no one wants to get rid of Obamacare more than this guy.  Plus, he is a close second to Rick Perry in executions.

Videos and transcripts below the fold.

You know, it was really no surprise that the Tea party was vocal last night, but what was surprising was even [Tea] Party darling Rick Perry faced their occasional wrath, especially on immigration issues.
RICK PERRY (9/12/2011): If you are working and pursuing a citizenship in the state of Texas, you pay in-state tuition there. ... No matter how you got into that state, from the standpoint of your parents brought you there or what have you, (Tea Party audience starts booing) and that's what we've done in the state of Texas, and I'm proud.

Boo!  Put them in a coma and kill them!  We're still talking about poker, right?

With more reaction to this, we turn to Senior Political Correspondent Al Madrigal, who was at last night's debate.

JON STEWART: Al, nice to see you.  What are your impressions on what happened last night?

AL MADRIGAL: I really don't know what's going on with these guys, all right?  Jon, they booed Rick Perry.  I get that they're not into Romney.  But Perry?  The guy executed 234 people, gunned down a coyote on his morning jog.  But, he mentions Mexicans and college in the same sentence, and suddenly he's too soft for them?  This is a tough crowd.

JON STEWART: But maybe it is that the Tea Party's ideals are larger than one individual.

AL MADRIGAL: What ideals??  I mean, the party that started out fearing death panels has become one!  It doesn't make any sense.  This is Florida; half the population's in a coma.  (audience applause)  I just really don't think that any candidate will ever be good enough.

JON STEWART: Well, someone will come along.  That's how these types of politics go.  Another Ronald Reagan, who can rally the....

AL MADRIGAL: What??  Are you nuts?  Ronald Reagan was a Hollywood Commie who raised taxes, grew government, and gave amnesty to illegal immigrants.  That poor son of a bitch would get eaten alive by this crowd.  (wild audience applause)  I will go as far as to say that no human being, living, dead, or fictional, would ever satisfy the Tea Party.

JON STEWART: It's just not true, Al.  It's not a....

AL MADRIGAL: You wanna go?  You wanna go, old man?  All right.  Bring it.

JON STEWART: You want me to bring it?

AL MADRIGAL: Bring it.

JON STEWART: You want me to bring it, slightly younger man?  All right.  (thinks)  They love the Founding Fathers.  Thomas Jefferson.

AL MADRIGAL: Hehe.  That's you bringing it!  The man cut up his Bible, loved the French, and had a well-documented case of jungle fever.  Bzzzt.  Try again.

JON STEWART: OK, fictional, right?  Superman.

AL MADRIGAL: Illegal immigrant.

JON STEWART: That's ridiculous.  Here's someone who could lead the Tea Party.  Optimus Prime.

AL MADRIGAL: He accepted the auto industry bailout.

JON STEWART: All right.  The Terminator!

AL MADRIGAL: A machine that took away good-paying American assassin jobs.

JON STEWART: Wow.  You might be right.  I mean, even Jesus fed the poor by redistributing loaves and fishes.

AL MADRIGAL: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.  Did you just diss Jesus?

JON STEWART: No, I was just saying from an ideological perspective, that they might....

AL MADRIGAL: Jon, if there's one thing I've learned from this debate, and I quote, "Booooooooooo!!!  Booooooooooooooo!!!"

JON STEWART: Al Madrigal, everybody.

AL MADRIGAL: "Let 'em die!  Let 'em die!"

JON STEWART: We'll be right back.

Tonight, I have not one, not three, but two Nobel Prize winners as my guests.  Paul Krugman and Vice President Al Gore.  Just watching tonight's broadcast qualifies you for a bachelor's degree.  Which, in turn, qualifies you for nothing.

Speaking of qualified for nothing, Wolf Blitzer.  Last night, Wolf hosted a CNN/Tea Party presidential debate, where he tried to ambush Ron Paul by asking whether society should pay for someone in a coma who doesn't have insurance.

9/12/2011:

RON PAUL: That's what freedom is all about, taking your own risk.  This whole idea that you have to prepare to take care of everybody.... (wild Tea Party audience applause)

WOLF BLITZER: But Congressman, are you saying that society should just let him die?

TEA PARTY AUDIENCE: Yeah!

RON PAUL: No....

TEA PARTY AUDIENCE: Yeah!  Yeah!

Yeah!!!  I say we personally tell that stupid coma guy to suck it!  In Morse code hand squeezes.  Oh, they're in there.  Of course, this year's stone-hearted realism is a proven crowd pleaser at GOP debates.

BRIAN WILLIAMS (9/7/2011): Governor Perry, question about Texas.  Your state has executed 234 death row inmates, more than any other Governor in modern times, have you... (interrupted by wild GOP audience applause)

(tries whistling and fails)  Woooo!!!!  234!  He's the Barry Bonds of executions!  Oh God, you know what?  I hope Perry hasn't been juicing.  I would hate for those deaths to be tainted.

Nation, these debates are supposed to help us find the Republican Presidential candidate, but they've already helped us to find his running mate: the Grim Reaper.

That's right, the Angel of Death.  Clearly, he is popular with the GOP base this year.  He's got all the qualifications they're looking for.  He's old.  And bone white.  He's packing a weapon.  He's got an incredible war record.  And believe me, no one wants to get rid of Obamacare more than this guy.  Plus, he is a close second to Rick Perry in executions.

But don't worry, Mitt Romney.  If the Grim Reaper is in Perry's camp, you've still got Tim Pawlenty for VP.  He has proven he can bring that touch of death to any campaign.

Jon opened the show with coverage of the overall debate, where he first introduced the poker reference in the transcript above, and on how all the other candidates were trying to give Rick Perry a beatdown.

Stephen also looked at how Ron Paul just got the coveted endorsement of the drunken idiot getting arrested vote.
And Stephen had two Nobel laureates on the show, both Paul Krugman to talk about Obama's jobs bill and the economy, and then Al Gore to discuss the Climate Reality Project, airing today through tomorrow online.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Wed Sep 14, 2011 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by ClassWarfare Newsletter: WallStreet VS Working Class Global Occupy movement and Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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