From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Myths
> Ben Bernanke is the most inflationary Fed chairman in recent memory.
(Except he's not.)
> Cutting taxes is a magical, mystical sure-fire job creator!
(Except it's not.)
> Allowing voters to register on election day results in widespread fraud.
(Except it doesn't.)
> As the Koch brothers' net worth rises, so does employment at their companies.
(Except it doesn't.)
> American companies are overregulated.
(Except they're not.)
> Bloody violence is out of control along the Mexican border, and illegal immigrants are streaming into America at record levels.
(Except it's not and they're not.)
> President Obama's plan to boost the economy doesn’t appeal beyond the liberal hippie fringe.
(Except it does---big-time.)
> Social Security is going broke, it adds to the deficit, and we have to raise the retirement age because people are living longer.
(Except it's not, it doesn't and we don't.)
> Don’t listen to that Paul Krugman---he's not very accurate!
(Except he is.)
> The earth is getting cooler.
(Except it's really really not.)
> Mitt Romney is a member of the middle class.
(Except milk just snorted out my nose.)
So...Nyah!!!
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Note: That's hogwash and I can prove it! [Washes hog with it] See?
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Festivus: 86
Days `til Maine's Damariscotta Pumpkinfest and Regatta: 3
Percent of U.S. kids 18 and under who live in poverty: 22%
Percent of Maine kids 18 and under who live in poverty: 18.7%
(Source: Census Bureau)
Number of household bills sent out per year: 48 billion
Percent of them that are delivered electronically: 15%
(Source: The Week)
Year by which humans were expected to start having sex with robots, according to a 2006 prediction by the European Robotics Network: 2011
(Source: The C&J archives)
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Mid-week Rapture Index: 183 (including 5 Wild Weathers and 1 Savior in a flying snow globe). Soul Protection Factor 24 lotion is recommended if you’ll be walking amongst the heathen today.
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Puppy Pic of the Day: And the first inductee into the Surf Dog Hall of Fame is…
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CHEERS to economic sanity. BREAKING (Seriously, this is real): the country is finally going to get some common-sense reform soon, now that recommendations have been approved by a super committee. Among other things, the plan calls for "tax hikes on the rich to pay for an increase in public funding for low-income housing, education and welfare." The Big Guy at the top even "praised the committee for achieving 'the impossible'" and said the plan would "fix the distortions in the economy." And I repeat: money to pay for it will come from---quoting here---"higher taxes on the wealthy and on corporations, and through cuts in defense spending." What a can-do country! Israel, I mean. If you're wondering about our super committee, they're still trying to agree on the shape of the table.
JEERS to mystery meat for the easily distracted. He didn’t say yes, but he also didn’t say no! He didn’t say maybe, but he also didn’t say possibly! He didn’t say indubitably, but he also didn’t say… Oh, good lord, we could play this game all day. All you need to know is Chris Christie gave a semi-boring boilerplate speech last night in California, and this morning Republicans are still stuck with Slow-draw McGraw and Wired Willard. In other words: absolutely nothing has changed in any way, shape or form between yesterday and today. And the media will remind you of how significant this is every five minutes. Sponsored by dick pills.
CHEERS to staying in shape. I realize that Republicans are going to do many underhanded things: restrict voting rights, restrict abortion, restrict gay equality, restrict bargaining rights, restrict civil liberties…y'know, little things like that. But once in awhile they do something semi-normal, and darned if you can't help but hate them a teeny bit less as a result. Case in point: Maine Republicans wanted to gerrymander our congressional districts by---how to describe this---taking one district and swinging it like a saloon door so it becomes almost a mirror image of its former self. Democrats, of course, chose a simpler course that re-drew the lines as little as possible. And, wonder of wonders, yesterday both sides agreed to a sensible compromise. You don’t hear language like this every day, so feast your eyes:
"I think both parties have stepped forward and stepped up to reach an agreement which meet constitutional and statutory standards," said state Rep. Ken Fredette, R-Newport. State Rep. John Martin, D-Eagle Lake, said, "in the end, we came together. (We) eventually got to a successful, I want to say, victory, for the people of Maine," he said.
It's a fine example of what can be accomplished with an open mind. And an open bar.
CHEERS to the beginning of the end. On September 28, 1781, during the War of Independence, American troops backed by the French fleet Ronald Reagan riding a trained dolphin while brandishing a bazooka [Revision courtesy of TX Dept. of Ed. textbook approval committee], began their siege of Yorktown Heights, Virginia. The British, trapped like rats, were forced to surrender, thus securing our freedom as an independent nation. Moral of the story: only fools go to war without rocket boots.
JEERS to statistical Ipecac. Just a couple years ago, former (and future) Congressman Alan Grayson got up on the House floor during the thick of the health care debate and famously said the Republicans' health care plan was: "Don’t get sick. If you do get sick, die quickly." According to the Kaiser Foundation's latest number crunching on soaring health insurance premiums, it's no longer just the GOP's health care plan, it's now, like it or not, America's current de facto health care plan:
The cost of health insurance for many Americans this year climbed more sharply than in previous years, outstripping any growth in workers’ wages and adding more uncertainty about the pace of rising medical costs. … The unexpected increase in premiums raises questions about whether health care costs are, in fact, stabilizing at all, as people have postponed going to the doctor or dentist and have put off expensive procedures. “No one quite knows,” said [Kaiser chief executive Drew] Mr. Altman.
Of course, if we had single-payer health insurance that focused like a laser on patients and care instead of shareholders and profits, we'd know a helluva lot more and be much better off. But, for now, the fact remains: even with the Affordable Care Act's too-slow enactment, people are still getting screwed (oh, and dying too, also) whether they have insurance or not. And having said that, everybody please stand perfectly still: if the CEO of WellPoint makes this putt he wins a free pair of fuzzy dice for his Jaguar.
CHEERS to Extreme Makeover: Washington Monument Edition. Did you hear about that member of the "difficult-access rappelling team" who was scurrying around the top of America's favorite phallic symbol yesterday? Holy mackeral. That was just a preview. Today the rest of the team---two men, two women, I believe---will rappel up and down the structure to assess the damage from last month's earthquake. King Kong issued a brief statement from his retirement village: "Good luck. And watch out for biplanes."
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Five years ago in C&J: September 28, 2006
CHEERS to getting your priorities, um, straight. Colorado Representative Marilyn Musgrave seems to be the only Republican with the courage to stand up and say: gay marriage is the most important issue of the midterm elections, dammit! Thank God somebody noticed---we've been over here waving our lavender pom-poms so long our arms are about to fall off and we're nearly sober. Giddyup, box turtle---to the trenches!
CHEERS to Monday night under the lights. Did you see that the Louisiana Superdome is back open for business? For the first time in over a year, a good time was had by all. Nice.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to a place for Granny. One of the most colorful and beloved activists/politicians of the recent past was New Hampshire's Doris Haddock---"Granny D"---who in 2000 made national headlines when she walked across the country at age 90 to bring attention to the need for campaign finance reform, and four years later ran against Judd Gregg for U.S. Senate. Granny died last year at 100, but her legacy lives on thanks to an exhibit of her writing and memorabilia at Keene State College:
The collection will be the cornerstone of the library’s New Hampshire Social Justice Collection. It includes the journal Haddock kept along her walk, the shoes she wore and banner she carried, as well as letters from Vice President Joe Biden, former U.S. Senator Russ Feingold and musician Pete Seeger.
Republicans don’t seem to have Granny Ds. I wonder why that is.
Have a nice Wednesday. And remember: sometimes No means Yes. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Bill in Portland Maine really did throw up all over himself in Cheers and Jeers."
---Brit Hume
9/25/11
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