A new translation of the Gospel of St. Luke--specifically, the Parable Of The Good Samaritan--sheds interesting new light on challenges Jesus might face in His ministry if He were among us today...
25 And, behold, a certain lawyer stood up, and tempted Him, saying, Master, what shall I do to inherit eternal life?
26 He said unto him, What is written in the law? How readest thou?
27 And he answering said, Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy strength, and with all thy mind; and thy neighbor as thyself.
28 And He said unto him, Thou hast answered right: this do, and thou shalt live.
29 But he, willing to justify himself, said unto Jesus, And who is my neighbor?
30 And Jesus answering said, A certain man went down from Jerusalem to Jericho, and fell among thieves, which stripped him of his raiment, and wounded him, and departed, leaving him half dead.
31 And by chance there came down a certain priest that way: and when he saw him, he passed by on the other side.
Forgive me, Master the lawyer said, but is my neighbor the priest or the man who fell among thieves?
My parable is not finished, Jesus said.
And the lawyer spake thus: But the priest hath done a right thing. He hath avoided liability. If he be my neighbor, I would applaud him.
Still thyself and let the course of My parable run, Jesus said.
And the lawyer obeyed the will of his Master as a small clutch of Pharisees had gathered to harken upon them
32 And likewise a Levite, when he was at the place, came and looked on him, and passed by on the other side...
'Twas Meschach The Levite--, said the lawyer.
'Twas just a Levite--, replied Jesus.
Meschach The Levite is my neighbor!
'Tis another Levite, Jesus said.
And a Pharisee spake unto Jesus saying: Was it Obediah The Levite?
And He said unto him nay and bade silence on them, saying again that the parable was yet undone.
33 But a certain Samaritan, as he journeyed, came where he was: and when he saw him, he had compassion on him,
34 And went to him, and bound up his wounds, pouring in oil and wine, and set him on his own beast, and brought him to an inn, and took care of him.
And another Pharisee cried unto Jesus saying, Booooo!
And the lawyer and the Pharisees did raise their voices in the same cry.
Said the lawyer, Why did he not have protection or bodyguards?
What hath become of personal responsibility? shouted a Pharisee.
Peace! Be still! said Jesus to the gathered. My parable is almost done!
And a publican did shout "Slay the Samaritan!" and the throng did rejoice anew.
And Jesus did place his face unto his palm.
Me!
35 And on the morrow when he departed, he took out two pence, and gave them to the host, and said unto him, Take care of him; and whatsoever thou spendest more, when I come again, I will repay thee.
Yea, verily, there is no free lunch! shouted the publican, and the lawyer and the Pharisees did join in the tumult.
Welfare! Welfare! Do our taxes support this almsgiving?
36 Which now of these three, thinkest thou, was neighbour unto him that fell among the thieves?
And a Pharisee did raise his hand, and Jesus did call upon him.
Obediah The Levite! shouted the Pharisee.
The thieves! Cried the publican.
Pontius Pilate! rumbled a centurion.
Jehovah! mumbled the bearded ones at the edge of the throng.
And a man from Jidda did cry out to Jesus in this manner: If he who fell among the thieves be Enoch The Amphora Merchant, then praises be sung to the heavens for the rat bastard oweth me XV dinars!
And the crowd did raise up their voices and repair to the house of the publican for tea and speeches.
Jesus wept.