From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Inside the Minds of the Unwashed Orange Horde
The third quarter is over (Gah!!!) and that means it's C&J number-crunching time. Every few months we post the results of some past C&J polls (no relation to the PPP polls commissioned by Kos) to give you a snapshot of how the wheel in the Kossack headbone turns. These are from July through September, and the total number of votes each poll received is in parentheses:
- 92 percent support a repeal of the Defense of Marriage Act, which denies federal recognition of gay marriages (4,135)
- As the ginned-up debt-ceiling crisis unfolded, 52 percent of you voted for "Job creators" (referring to the wealthy) as the phrase you were most sick of hearing, followed by "cut, cap and balance" at 11 percent and "Grand bargain" at 8 percent (4,795)
- 46 percent think Providence, Rhode Island is a good location for next year's Netroots Nation convention. 33 percent were neutral about it. (2,869)
- 93 percent of you approve of the new Martin Luther King, Jr. Memorial on the National Mall. (4,540)
- 83 percent are against the Keystone XL pipeline that would funnel tar sands oil from Canada to the Gulf of Mexico. 8 percent approve. (3,387)
- 96 percent favor transferring taxpayer subsidies for the oil and gas industry to a fund that would be used to fix our nation's crumbling schools. (3,877)
- 19 percent give the president's jobs plan an 'A', 45 percent give it a 'B' and 20 percent give it a C. (4,019)
- 90 percent of you are disappointed that not one single Republican presidential candidate has produced a valid birth certificate. (2,810)
- 67 percent of Kossacks say the thing that bothers you most about the banksters is "they're still engaging in activities that could blow the economy up again," followed by "they're not doing much to help revive the economy they blew up" at 14 percent. (3,984)
- 93 percent support the Occupy Wall Street protesters (4,750). 92 percent believe their ideas will help the poor and middle class more than the tea party's ideas. (3,674)
As always, we bow to your superior wisdom. And, as always, Gallup seethes with envy.
Your west coast-friendly edition of Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Friday, October 7, 2011
Note: I was working as a waitress in a cocktail bar. That much is true.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Halloween: 24
Days `til the 11th annual Little 5 Points Halloween festival and Parade in Atlanta: 15
Drop in U.S. household net worth during the second quarter of this year: 0.3%
Increase in cash on hand ($2 trillion total) at U.S. corporations during the same period: 4.5%
(Source: AP)
Gross of the new Star Wars Blu-Ray box set in its first week of release: $84 million
(Source: Time)
Number of Republican presidential candidates who have produced a valid long-form birth certificate: 0
Percent chance that Margaritas on Brown Street is the best Mexican Restaurant in Portland, Maine: 100%
(Source: C&J internal polling)
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Puppy Pic of the Day: 45 seconds of action-packed EXCITEMENT!
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CHEERS to G-d's Amazing 25-Hour Miracle Diet. The Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur started at sundown (which in Maine is, like, 5 O'clock now). According to my most trusted reference site, Torah Tots...
Yom Kippur is a Shabbat, no work can be performed on Yom Kippur. It is well-known that you are supposed to refrain from eating and drinking (even water) on Yom Kippur. It is a complete, 25+ hour fast beginning before sunset on the evening before Yom Kippur and ending after nightfall on the day of Yom Kippur. The Talmud also specifies additional restrictions: washing and bathing, anointing one's body (with cosmetics, perfumes, etc.), marital relations and wearing leather shoes.
The holiday is a somber one during which Jews confess their sins and seek forgiveness over the course of a day. And that explains why I can't be one---I'd barely get started before the closing buzzer went off.
JEERS to cheap hippie punching. Yesterday the editorial board at Maine's largest newspaper, The Press Herald, weighed in on the Occupy Wall Street movement and its local affiliate here, "Occupy Maine." Earlier this week they provided positive news coverage of our 99%'ers. But their editorial board decided to take a two-fold tack: lie, and punch down (my comments in bold):
[T]he idea that our problems have been caused by irresponsible financial institutions alone instead of poor policies instituted over many years by government agencies, politicians and regulators as well, is badly off the mark. [This is the Big Lie on which the editorial's argument hinges. The truth, of course, is that the protesters never once blamed our problems on financial institutions "alone," but also on poor policies instituted by government agencies, politicians and regulators.]
There's plenty of room to say the system failed---but no space at all to say that radical change, instead of careful reform, is the way to fix it. [If OWS's demands are radical, I'm the Easter Bunny.]
It's one thing to paint your face, grab a bullhorn, scream slogans and block ordinary citizens trying to cross a bridge to go their jobs (sic) or get home from them. It's something else entirely to create a careful agenda of reform and calmly and rationally present it to voters so that democratic processes can actually be allowed to work. [And the winner of the Most Condescending Paragraph of the Year goes to…that one.]
Or, as a Letter to the Editor said in today's edition: "Do any of these people work for a living? How fortunate that they have all these days to wander and parade aimlessly on the streets of Portland looking for a cause." Yeah…how fortunate. Idiot.
JEERS to the Liar-in-Chief. Nine---Nine!---years ago today, President George W. Bush declared in a speech that only the removal of Saddam Hussein from power would end the U.S. confrontation with Iraq. After they cleaned up from their simultaneous orgasms, the neocons whipped out their talking points, promising an easy, cheap and low-casualty venture that would be over in a matter of weeks and end in a shower of "sweets and flowers." Let's check their accuracy, shall we? Yes...let's:
Duration: 445 weeks and counting.
Casualties: 4,795 dead coalition troops (4,477 of them Americans); thousands more scarred for life; hundreds of thousands of Iraqi civilians dead or wounded.
Cost: $1-2 trillion, more than twice the amount of the health insurance bill.
Percent of post-9/11 veterans who say the war was worth fighting: 44%
Combined weight of the 'sweets and flowers' thrown so far: 0 ounces.
We'll never forget that Bush, Cheney and Rumsfeld---who make the Three Stooges look like Einstein, Copernicus and Aristotle---took their eye off the real fight against terrorism and went gallivanting into what they thought was a "slam dunk" for reasons that were based more on politics and petroleum than impending peril. But at least the Iraqis are finally giving us a signal that they want us out by the end of the year. I believe I speak on behalf of Americans when I say: happy to oblige.
P.S. Today is the 10-year anniversary of the first boom-booms that kicked off our Glorious War for Freedom Fries and No-Bid Contracts in Afghanistan (aka The Empire Strikes Back). And you know what that means? Yup---we're halfway to victory. Free rubble pie for everyone!
JEERS to the end of the road. Sarah Palin made it official this week, choosing the life of a grifter over one of public service. Sorry, fans, but there will be no mama grizzly moving into the White House in 2013 (much to the relief of the janitorial staff). Palin says she says she turned to the Lord to help guide her decision, but bowed out when the machine kept picking up. (And on the 8th day, God installed Caller ID.) But fear not! For those of you still pinin' for the ultimate in batshittyness in the 2012 campaign, there may still be hope. I remembered today that one person who said he was thinking about running is David Duke. In fairness, though, the two have some slight differences. For instance, Palin likes to "go rogue," while Duke prefers to "go robe."
JEERS to Groundhog Day: Gridiron Edition. On October 7, 1916, Georgia Tech Engineers scored a touchdown against the Cumberland University (Tennessee) Bulldogs. Then they scored another. And another. And another. And another. And another. By the time they were done the scoreboard read 222-0---the most lopsided game in college football history. When asked by their coach why they didn't execute any of the plays they'd spent three months practicing, the Cumberland players responded: "You didn't say please." It's always the little things.
CHEERS to home vegetation. If you hear the telly calling your named this weekend, here's some stuff that's on. HBO's Real Time with Bill Maher goes all cerebral with AFL-CIO head Richard Trumka, author Jonathan Franzen, P.J. O'Rourke, former Bushie Nicolle Wallace, and former Rep. Alan Grayson. New DVD releases include Ken Burns' excellent Prohibition, The Fast and the Furious 5 and Scream 4: The Original Cast Needs Some Fast Cash. Ben Stiller hosts SNL. The NFL schedule is here (the Patriots will GROUND the Jets Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!) and the baseball playoff roster is here. On 60 Minutes: Egyptians discover that democracy is harder than it looks, NFL agent Drew Rosenhaus does NFL agenty stuff, and Andy Rooney enjoys his first weekend as an unemployed slacker.
And here's your Sunday morning lineup, if you can stand the excitement:
Meet the Press: Some kinda creepy Illinois vibe this week with Chicago Mayor Rahm Emanuel, and Rep. Aaron "Scott Brown's Not The Only Magazine Coverboy" Schock (R-IL) and Rep. Luis Gutierrez (D-IL) on roundtable duty; Rep. Paul "Watch Me Kill Medicare" Ryan (R-WI) shows up with a bag of stolen children's lollipops; the other two roundtable yackers: Mark Halperin (who predicted Sarah Palin would run, proving once again what a dolt he is), and Bethany McLean of Vanity Fair.
This Week: Past and future Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi opens a can of whupass; Mississippi Gov. Haley Barbour opens a can 'o chaw; roundtable with Donna Brazile, Peggy Noonan, Matthew Dowd and George Will. (Fearless prediction: the intensity of Will's sneer at the Occupy Wall Street movement will cause the set lights to explode.) Plus: an appearance by Kossack MinistryOfTruth? That's the scuttlebutt!
Face the Nation: Welcome to the Republicans-only Club! Herman Cain and Newt Gingrich spread the fear and the crazy---not necessarily in that order.
Washington Week: Jobs bill action with Janet Hook of The Wall Street Journal. Dan Balz of The Washington Post on the GOP field and Jeanne Cummings of Bloomberg Business News on their fundraising totals; Joan Biskupic of USA Today on what's on the Supreme Court's plate (besides Scalia's cannolis).
Fox GOP Talking Points Sunday: GOP talking points with Rick Santorum; also Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA), the richest man in Congress who, if memory serves, is worth an estimated $234 million; and the roundtable with Brit Hume, Juan Williams, A.B. Stoddard, and Bill Kristol, whose tears over Chris Christie's decision not to run for president will cause the set lights to explode.
Happy viewing!
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Five years ago in C&J: October 7, 2006
CHEERS to harnessing the opposite of hate. Y'know, why is it always "former" world leaders who always seem to be the most serious about achieving world peace? Exhibit A...
More than 130 former world leaders, politicians and Nobel laureates have called for urgent international efforts to resolve the Arab-Israeli conflict. The appeal urges a new international conference to map out a comprehensive peace agreement in the Middle East. It comes in a statement issued by conflict resolution organisation the International Crisis Group. Signatories include former US and Soviet leaders Jimmy Carter and Mikhail Gorbachev and Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
And some Miss Americas, too, I hear. Wow---I think this thing's got legs.
JEERS to premature ejubilation. Let me get this straight: in this year's defense spending bill, Republicans set aside $20 million for a 2007 victory party in Iraq??? Here's an idea: take the $20 million, divide it by the 2,700+ families who have lost loved ones, and send `em each a check. Or maybe repair a few vehicles. Or replace some body armor. Or get a $20 million clue.
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And just one more…
CHEERS to living saints. Happy 80th birthday (and blessings on your camels) to Bishop Desmond Tutu!!! Here are a few hot-off-the-press reflections on hitting the milestone from the beloved birthday boy:
"If there's one lesson I've learnt later in life that I wish I knew when I was 25, it is that people are fundamentally good. It probably would have made me less judgmental of others, especially my opponents."
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"I've been married for 56 years and Leah has been very good at keeping my head the right size. Once I was driving and when I looked at her she looked slightly more complacent and self-satisfied than usual. When I wondered why, she showed me this bumper sticker that said: Any woman who wants to be equal to a man has no ambition."
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"I would like my epitaph to say: He loved, he laughed and he cried."
You're a hero to the universe and beyond, Your Bishopfulness. But don’t get cocky---I don't plan on spotting you any points on the squash court yet, pal.
Have a super weekend. Obey Citrus Lady! Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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