We were already reeling in pain
Now we’re scorned and derided by Cain:
“You’re career’s in the tank?
It’s no fault of the bank
Don’t blame Wall Street if you’re cut by Bain.”
In America, you can succeed!
Don’t be protesting corporate greed!
It’s your fault! You’re a slob!
Get a life! Get a job!
(Blame the victim: yeah, that’s what we need)
I’ve been surging ahead of the pack
It seems nobody cares that I’m black
It’s my plain-talking style
My Conservative wile
I’ve got values competitors lack.
Watching Mittens implode will be cool!
He’s a Mormon, a Corporate Tool.
His performance robotic
Makes us catatonic
This flip-flopping Bainiac fool.
Rick Perry sounds cool with his drawl,
But his policies simply appall.
He’s the Mexicans’ friend!
Immigration must end!
No more tacos! It’s pizza for all!
There’s no “quit” in Ron Paul; that we know.
Though he’s 78, he’s not slow.
‘Let them die!’’, cry his peeps
(Libertarian creeps!)
That’s his plan for the voters – oh, no!!
Rick Santorum has sex on the brain
He’s so creepy! Why must he explain:
Man on dog? Man on Man?
Is that really God’s plan
Or Rick’s journey down memory lane?
Then there’s Newt – what? He’s still in the race?
And Jon Huntsman, too smart for our base.
And our little Michele,
Oh, how quickly she fell!
These folks just can’t keep up with the pace.
I will have to admit: I was pissed!!
That Chris Christie was still on the list!
Sometimes “no” just means “no”!
Let’s get on with the show!
He’s a footnote; he’ll never be missed.
Now with Caribou Barbie’s good-bye
Grieving Teabaggers won’t have to cry.
I’m their obvious choice!
A conservative voice
Just like them, I’m a regular guy!
They’re too stupid to realize my con!
When they buy up my books, I’ll be gone!
Just like Sarah, I’ll dump
Every Teabagger chump
You’re all losers! Now Get Off My Lawn!