From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Your Lease on My Soul Has Expired.
Over the weekend I sent my annual email to Kos, asking if he'd mind if C&J squatted here for another year. The message I got back was unequivocal:
554 delivery error
Yeah! It's a go!
Just one minor detail: [Rattle Rattle] My freedom cup of liberty has been depleted by the economic forces of tyranny known as "living expenses."
For those of you who are new'ish here: four years ago I got fuckin' fired over the phone parted ways amicably with my former employer. I posted a "Ta Ta for Now" update, the Daily Kos community blogswarmed, took up a collection and, in Kos's words, "bought my soul." (I believe he also said, "Bwoohaha.") Every year since---even in the midst of the most horrific economy since Herbert Bagless Hoover---you've allowed me to continue writing this column because of your financial support.
But even more important, you've become a job creator. Namely, mine. And for that I thank you from the bottom of my cubicle, which is situated at the precise midway point between the kitchen and the bathroom. (I know what you're thinking and, yes, I can both grab a beer and take a leak without getting up from my chair. I think they call that feng shui.)
Of course, it's only right and proper for you to ask: "Bill, what exactly is in it for me for if I donate to the 2011-2012 C&J season?" I'm not sure how to answer that, exactly, since it depends on what the meaning of "is" is. But I can tell you this: you'll continue getting all those features that you've come to faithfully skim before you dive into the Pulitzer-winning comments: the daily puppy pic, the weekly Rapture Index, the Thursday "Molly Ivins Moment," the Friday "Who Won the Week" poll, the five-year flashbacks that remind us that Bush was even worse than we remember, interviews with your favorite Kossacks and all the other legendary stuff that makes you feel warm all over, knowing that I'm not out on the street terrorizing the tourists. ("What do you mean you don't wanna buy a lobster hat??!! Everybody buys a lobster hat. WHAT KIND OF SICK FAMILY ARE YOU!!???") So, yeah, stuff like that.
Also in my defense: I took zero sick days again this year, and only one mental health day to mourn the passing of the guy who invented Doritos. Plus we co-sponsored Netroots for the Troops, raised money for Netroots Nation and progressive candidates and causes, served as a welcome cabana for new Kossacks getting their webbed bloggerfeet wet, ensured public tranquility during the switchover to DK4, provided sanctuary from the pie fights, and continued mocking the people who put greed and stupidity and dishonesty above country.
If you're in the mood to keep C&J going for another year, I'd be honored to slip a fresh diaper on my head and fresh ribbons in my 50 chain-smoking monkeys' typewriters.
Four years ago Kos set up PayPal accounts for both one-time donations and recurring monthly donations. (If you're already a monthly subscriber through PayPal and you want to continue, you don’t have to do anything.) Here's the linkies:
One time contribution: click here.
$5 monthly contribution: click here
$10 monthly contribution: click here
$20 monthly contribution: click here
To send a check via snail mail, the address is: Bill Harnsberger, 16 Pitt Street, Portland, ME, 04103.
The goal, like last year, is $25k in contributions. I'll give you fundraising progress reports daily. Hopefully we can hit the goal by Friday and I'll stop pestering you for an entire year. But...only donate if you're able.
In all seriousness: Thank you, thank you, thank you for supporting this weird thing. And if it doesn’t work out this time (always a possibility), I'll refund your money and in all likelihood go back to making ads for male enhancement pills, colon cleansers, and subliminal hypnosis CDs that grow your breasts up to one cup size larger while you sleep. (One small hitch: they shrink to their original size when you wake up. We're working on a fix with some test sheep.)
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Note: After careful consideration, I've decided to honor all the requests I got for forgiveness during Yom Kippur. And, as a courtesy, we're also waiving our usual $5 monthly atonement fee. Suck on that, Bank of America. ---Mgt.
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til Thanksgiving: 44
Days `til the Arizona Taco Festival in Scottsdale: 4
Number of presidential campaigns doing "cutting-edge work with data" besides Obama's: 0
(Source: CNN)
Portion of Iraq's women who are widows: 1-in-10
Percent of them (1.5 million total) who lost their husbands after we started dropping freedom bombs on their country in 2003: 60%
(Source: AP)
Number of simultaneously-operating runways that the 21-sq.-mile Beijing Daxing International Airport will have: 9
Number of passengers it'll be able to handle per year as the world's largest airport: 120 million-200 million
(Source: UK Daily Mail)
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Tuesday Words of Wisdom from the Right-wing Blogosphere:
Hollywood is full of PC cowards, despite all their prating (sic) and moral preening about the 1st Amendment and how art should be 'edgy' and 'not afraid to take on hard issues". The utter absence of Islamic killers in these films is akin to making WW2 moving (sic) with no Nazis; a complete separation from reality.
---Commenter Thales at the Powerline blog
All together now: 1…2…3… Ohhhhhh-kay…
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Puppy Pic of the Day (via Kossack Bill Evans at Mariposa): I think someone still feels ripped off for wasting so many Milk Bones to see her as Tinkerbell in Hook.
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CHEERS to kicking down the closet door. Today is the 23rd annual National Coming Out Day, and there are plenty of reasons to be an out 'n proud member of the LGBT community these days. Like, fer instance, just in the past year:
>> Don’t Ask Don't Tell turned to dust as of Sept. 20 and, for the first time in our history, gays and lesbians can serve openly in our nation's Armed Forces. If you're interested in how it all went up and down, don’t miss the new HBO documentary, The Strange History of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell. Rep. Patrick Murphy, Sen. Susan Collins, Sen. Joe Lieberman, Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand, Lt. Dan Choi, Admiral Mike Mullen and Aubrey Sarvis get well-deserved kudos for rescuing the repeal at the 11½th hour.
>> In Florida, gay adoption was ruled healthy, awesome, and 100% constitutional.
>> Video submissions to Dan Savage's It Gets Better Project campaign have exceeded even the wildest optimist's expectations. I've lost count of how many politicians, celebrities and professional sports teams have gotten involved, but it's, like, a bajillion. But Republicans are still standing on the sidelines, apparently suspicious that "stop bullying" is some kind of communist propaganda designed to turn our kids into nice people. (We're so sneaky that way.)
>> CNN anchor Don Lemon became the latest media figure to come out.
Hell, that's just the tip of the iceberg---even conservatives are giving up the hate slowly but surely. Even though Harvey Milk is no longer with us, I think of these words anytime I hear some fuming fossil trot out the tired old "sin and depravity and destroyer of traditional marriage" nonsense in an attempt to scare us into slinking back into the shadows:
"Gay brothers and sisters, you must come out. Come out to your parents ... Come out to your relatives. Come out to your friends, if indeed they are your friends. Come out to your neighbors, to your fellow workers, to the people who work where you eat and shop. Come out only to the people you know, and who know you. Not to anyone else. But once and for all, break down the myths, destroy the lies and distortions. For your sake. For their sake."
...and for your free toaster oven!
CHEERS to Family Feud: GOP Edition. Like moths to a flame, Democrats will tune in tonight to watch the Republican candidates debate in New Hampshire. (It'll air on Bloomberg TV and be live-streamed). The big question: will the other candidates set upon Rick Perry and continue picking him apart like buzzards on roadkill? Will Perry and Romney send rising star Herman Cain ducking for cover under his lectern? Or will the field decide that Granite State favorite Romney is the guy they gotta destroy at all costs? Join Jed Lewison tonight for his top-notch liveblogging here on Daily Kos. Oh, and here's tonight's drinking game: take a swig and don't stop.
CHEERS to fabulous first ladies. Happy Birthday to Eleanor Roosevelt on her 127th orbit around the sun. Like Hillary Clinton, she didn't confine herself to picking out White House china patterns; she served as the U.S. Delegate to the United Nations, and was a staunch civil rights advocate, syndicated columnist and lecturer. Pay your respects to the ol' gal here. And bask in the knowledge that she could hogtie Michele Bachmann in a vat of Jell-O and make her squeal in 5 seconds flat.
P.S. Lovely chalkmanship, Ma'am.
P.P.S. Why was she such a good spokesperson for Good Luck margarine? Because her voice sounded like buttah.
CHEERS to a fine start. You probably got this email, too, but let's pop a snip here so we can look back on it as a defining moment in the U.S. Senate candidacy of Elizabeth Warren:
In the first few weeks of our campaign, we raised $3.15 million, and the overwhelming majority of those contributions---96 percent---were $100 or less. More than 11,000 people here in Massachusetts contributed. These are pretty amazing numbers for our first official finance report, raised in a very short period of time, so you can understand why I want to say thanks a million---and more!---for this remarkable support. I couldn't do it without you.
Despite the incredible fundraising numbers, it's important to stress that Elizabeth Warren shouldn’t be thinking about measuring her senate office drapes. I already called dibs.
P.S. I know Maine and Massachusetts are a bit different, but this is still pretty amazing in contrast to Warren's eye-popping haul: Titan of the Senate Olympia Snowe announced her fundraising totals for the third quarter: $792,305. Not that she needs to worry: her tea party primary opponent raised four dimes, two pennies and a bag of candy corn (for which he thanks his mother kindly).
JEERS to another day, another gaffe. Maine Governor Paul LePage continues his 10-month weirdness streak. This time, to make the dubious-at-best point that kids aren’t properly prepared to go off to college, he claims that the freshman dropout rate during his first semester (back in the '60s) was a whopping fifty percent. Yup, between September and Christmas, one-half of his freshman brethren and sisterthren just up and vanished. The college says that's highly unlikely. Regardless, the fact is that students appear to be adjusting to campus life just fine today:
Current statistics from the University of Maine tell a different story than the picture painted by LePage. In fall 2010, there were 9,138 students enrolled in undergraduate classes, according to a university spokesman. The following spring, 8,718 students were enrolled in classes. Joe Carr, university spokesman, also clarified that the enrollment numbers reflect some students taking a break, not necessarily "dropping out."
To be fair, at least LePage didn’t try to claim that he had to walk ten miles to school in six feet of snow and it was uphill both ways. I believe he's saving that for next week's Elks Lodge breakfast.
CHEERS to the sanctity of marriage. Happy Anniversary to President Bill and Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. According to the Texas school board-approved Big Pop-up Book of American History, they got hitched on October 11, 1975 while running from the Feds during a string of bank robberies. That's amore!
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Five years ago in C&J: October 11, 2006
GOOD LUCK, BUDDY to Ban Ki-moon He's the South Korean foreign minister who just became the new U.N. Secretary. Let's check his To-Do list for the coming week, shall we? Oh, lets...
1) Introduce self to new staff
2) Unpack things in new office
3) John Bolton...swirlie
I like him! I like him!
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the Occupy Netflix movement. After weeks of customer revolt, the movie rental powerhouse is going back to doing what it should've done all along: stick with its winning formula:
In a company statement issued Monday, [CEO Reed] Hastings said of the surprise about-face, "there is a difference between moving quickly---which Netflix has done very well for years---and moving too fast, which is what we did in this case. Consumers value the simplicity Netflix has always offered and we respect that," Hastings said.
"Heh," said the maker of New Coke.
Have a nice Tuesday, and thanks again for supporting my little rag. As Escapee always says, "Cheers to all of us 'cause we rock!" Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
"Mr. Chairman, there’s a good deal more I could say about Cheers and Jeers. But, honestly, I really don’t see any reason to waste any more taxpayer dollars."
---Stan Collender
10/6/11.
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