The past few weeks have been expansive for me personally and painful. I have found myself grieving for many things, not just personally but for our society in general and how we have become so empty, callous and disconnected from one another.
The path I find myself on is truly a gift and I know that since my weekend get away I will never be the same person because I finally learned what it meant to occupy my body, to understand what it means to be in your own skin, to be connected to your feelings rather spinning up here (imagine me pointing my finger at your cranium and circling it with my fingers).
We are taught to be all intellect, that this is where the good happens and that to strive for perfection, to strive for things outwardly, for stuff, for achievement, is a good thing. We are a nation of narcissists who put things above people, profit above human beings and the bottom line above all else.
I am generalizing of course but it needs to be done to understand how we could have wound up where we are today and why something like Occupy Wall Street has hit home for so many.
The 1% controls so much and so many others are striving to join the club, to lift themselves up and become that elite. And as we claw our way to become something we may not even want to be, we forget what it is to be human beings. We are sacrificing so much for so little.
I went on a retreat called Lifting the Mask with a local nonprofit, Living Ubuntu.
Have you noticed that our culture is a bit obsessed with image and status? Where is the authenticity? What is the price we are paying to go along with these ridiculous standards?
Many times I have seen the deep pain in people who no longer feel good enough just being who they are… or maybe they never did. Fearing they have failed in the competition to be attractive enough, rich enough, successful enough, popular enough, shame follows, and it can be unbearable.
Often we hide the truth about who we really are. Most of us learned early-on how to develop and wear whatever mask we needed to. To this day we still hide our feelings. We conceal our needs. We put a fake expression on. It shows up in acting like we like something when we don’t. It also shows up in becoming the expert performer when we just want to let down and “be”. It’s as if there is some external standard we are measured up against, and sometimes we don’t quite make it.
We all need a good social or adaptive self to get by with in this world. Yet some of us have forgotten, or never learned, how to just be who we really are. Sometimes it feels terrifying to be that vulnerable and let others know the truth… to reveal our genuine self. Tormented by a lack of permission within, and the fear deep down that we are unworthy of love just the way we are, we stay hidden. Surrounded by the abundant expectations of others, we mask our true feelings, thoughts, and desires.
We pay a price in lost spontaneity and pleasure. Sometimes life becomes a heavy burden, or just dreadfully lifeless and routine. And ultimately, we lose out on deep meaningful connections with others, and love, because no one really knows the real us.
Some of the topics we will cover at this retreat include:
The role of the body in masking and un-masking our genuine self.
Self-expression and the vulnerability that comes with it.
Recognizing inner messages that keep us stuck and what to do about them.
Bringing healing into areas of deep pain and shame.
Reaching out to others: resisting societal pressures and finding support for our genuine needs.
Does this sound familiar to you? For many it is the reality of their lives, it what makes who I am all the more painful because I tend to be just who I am and I've found it makes others uncomfortable. I am learning to ignore that.
But learning to occupy your own space, your body and being in touch with those feelings, the feeling of being your genuine self, what does that have to do with Occupy Wall Street?
So much you have no idea.
Think of the millions of people who have felt so beaten down, so traumatized by living paycheck to paycheck, on the streets, feeling that their lives are not worthy because they can't provide for their families. That is horror, trauma and real pain. And we live in a society where many refuse to recognize this pain and see it merely as a failure of character on the part of those who haven't made it. They are flawed, they haven't worked hard enough.
And this is where I think, how have we become so dead inside that we cannot feel for people who are in such need?
And the trauma for those who are in such need, how can they overcome such trauma. The stress of getting by, day by day. That is so hard on your body, it makes you sick, makes you so unwell.
We are a Country living in trauma.
And then, to think how the rest of the world lives, those who are even less fortunate then us. Those who live in fear every waking moment of their lives, with constant war, famine, disease and genocide.
We are a planet hurting.
And I found myself so overwhelmed when I did get in touch with those feelings and I was in my body, where I had allowed myself to lift that mask. It was difficult. I had cried like I had never cried before in my life. Having gone through personal trauma of childhood, difficult upbringing, etc. I had finally realized what all those therapy sessions were about being in my body and it was, well, it was traumatic but such a relief. I felt relief with that grief, that despair and the deep yearning to be connected to others.
As a people, we cannot occupy this planet until we can learn to occupy our own skin and occupy wall street is a good beginning because it is allowing all those voices who have gone unheard for so long a place to speak, to be heard.
And I understood. It is not about demands, it is about the fact that we have gone so long with so many who have been held silent, been held back because speech has been dictated by your ability to purchase the air time.
No longer.
And I grieve, the deep profound loss that I feel for so many who have not learned and will not learn to feel for others, that even if they may not agree with what people have to say, that their voice is vital and important. We all need to be heard.
We did a few exercises that were difficult, like looking through photos of people, many famous and well known and seeing how their smiling faces were accompanied by lifeless dead eyes, like nobody was home. It was shocking to really look at people and see how void of feeling their eyes were, take a close look and see that so many of us are EMPTY and that we put forth a facade so that we can hide just how hollow we really are.
And then there were photos of people where their eyes matched their smiles, they exuded warmth and pain, but that it was okay, that they were okay with their pain, their sadness, it was just okay.
I urge you to learn more about what it means to be in your body, to learn what it means to be grounded, to recover from the trauma of everyday life. I have already found so much for myself because of this. And to learn about how so many of us have put off who we really are and what we really want.
I am becoming to understand Occupy wall street as something organic and will support it in the way I know how, that we need to hear each other more, hug each other more, care for each over more and change how we are living before it is too late.
We have one planet and I am not ready to grieve for her loss. But the insatiable appetite for things, money and an endless supply of resources will make it harder for us to preserve her for future generations.
It is all connected, we must not only feel connected to our own bodies, to each other but to the very living things around us because with out them, without the air we breathe, the clean water and the very planet we depend on, we won't have much to occupy at all.