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Texas is an enormous state, so when an idea dawns here, it may take a while for it to sink in. If you’re our slow-witted Secessionist-in-Chief, Rick Perry, it may take longer still. However, he has finally realized that his Texas-based team of highly loyal but clearly unprepared advisers cannot propel him to the White House, and he needed to bring in some heavy hitters with national experience.

Don’t worry, though, little buddies, because these new guys aren’t gonna take your jobs. We still need y’all. You’re just gonna have to work with these new folks. They’ll fit in fine. Nice bunch of middle-aged white fellas. Been around the block a time or two.

And don't worry: we got plenty of cash to keep everybody on the payroll. This ain’t like that SqueekyB, bless her heart, watching all her staffers take off just ‘cause they didn’t get paid. No sir, y’all are gonna be taken care of just fine. Now just follow along below the Texas sinkhole and meet our new team members.

From Houston Chronicle Blog

Curt Anderson, the Man with the Plan:

Who he is:Partner at OnMessage Inc., a GOP consulting firm in Alexandria, Virginia.

What he’s done:
-In 2010, he was a top adviser on Florida Gov. Rick Scott’s campaign.
-Co-authored Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal’s book, Leadership in Crisis.
-Was strategist on Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign in 2008.
-In 1996, was a senior strategist for presidential candidate Steve Forbes.
-Served as a top public liaison for the Reagan White House.

What he’ll do for Perry:Anderson brings decades of national experience to the Perry strategy team.

Any plan will be an improvement on the West Texas Desert Brownian Motion campaign stumble we’ve seen so far, so Curt, we’re counting on you to get these folks organized, and all swaggering in the same direction. We love that you used to work for Romney in 2008. You can tell us all the juicy, exciting things that went on in his... oh. Never mind. It's Mitt. So this time around, you're ready to work for someone with someone more... human. You've come to the right place. I'm sure you've already been briefed on the "issues" you'll need to know... and suppress. Welcome aboard.

Tony Fabrizio, “Tony the Pollster”

Who he is: Partner at Alexandria-based survey research and consulting firm Fabrizio,Ward and Associates.

What he’s done:
- Fabrizio worked as chief pollster and strategist for then Kansas Sen. Bob Dole’s unsuccessful 1996 campaign for president.
-Provided polling and consulting for major corporate clients such as Visa, Phillip Morris, and AOL/Time Warner.
-Has been top pollster for the Republican National Committee and dozens of past and present Republican congressmen and governors, such as former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty.
-Preemptively declined to serve as a strategist to Donald Trump in April after Trump floated Fabrizio’s name in an interview while the real estate titan was considering his own bid for the oval office.

What he’ll do for Perry: Fabrizio will handle polling duties for the Perry campaign, though Perry pollster Mike Baselice will remain on the team.

Brilliant moves so far, Tony. You seem to align yourself with losers… or maybe you’ve been aligning yourself with successful people and turning them into losers. Please feel free to work that same magic here. If you’re used to working with folks like Bob Dole and Tim Pawlenty, you might want to buckle your seat belt, because on Team Perry, you’ll be in for a bumpy ride. Still, credit where credit is due: you had the smarts to walk away from a lucrative gig as Trump's strategist. That job would have been like nailing a slab of Jello to the wall.

Joe Allbaugh, Senior Advisor

Who he is: President and CEO of Allbaugh International Group LLC, a Washington D.C.-based security and emergency management consulting firm.

What he’s done:
-Served a term as chief of staff to Governor George W. Bush after working as Bush’s campaign manager to help secure his win in1994.
-Campaign manager for Bush’s 2000 presidential race.
-Headed the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) in 2001.

What he’ll do for Perry:Allbaugh will play a senior advisory role, according to Perry’s campaign, and he brings a winning track record from his years on the Bush staff.

Well, Joe, I guarantee you: there will be emergencies to be managed. No, I don't mean those pesky droughts and wildfires. That's a Texas thing, not your problem. But... how are you with skeleton management? There are a bunch in your candidate’s closet, and if they all come out at once, you’re lookin’ at a Category 4 storm of controversy. Some of those nice religious folk could be in for quite a shock. You’re going to need to be on top of your game here, or it’s game over.

Nelson Warfield, National Strategist: Debate Preparation

Who he is: Top man at Warfield and Co., a GOP consulting firm.

What he’s done:
-Served as spokesperson for Ronald Lauder, son of makeup magnate Estee Lauder, during Lauder’s 1989 bid for New York City mayor.
- Worked as Bob Dole’s national press secretary during Dole’s presidential campaign in 1996.
- Served as a media strategist for Tea Party candidate Doug Hoffman during his unsuccessful bid for U.S. Representative for New York’s 23rd district in 2009.
-Along with Anderson and Fabrizio, crafted the media strategy that helped bring Rick Scott to victory in the 2010 Florida gubernatorial race.

What he’ll do for Perry:
Warfield brings national advisory experience as well as experience in debate preparation, an area where Perry has struggled against the more polished Mitt Romney.

Debate preparation alone would be a full-time job on this campaign, but look at it this way: it can’t get any worse. Everyone was thrilled that he stayed awake through the last debate. We’re counting on you, Nelson, to make future debates more entertaining. Maybe you could have Perry armed and dangerous, waving a handgun around if Mittens gets in his personal space again. Give him some clever little sound bites. Maybe you can write 'em on his hand or something. That worked out pretty well for Caribou Barbie.

Jim Innocenzi, Media and Advertising Guru

Who he is: Founding partner of SandlerInnocenzi political consulting firm.

What he’s done:
–Worked on the media end of numerous GOP campaigns, including Govs. Dave Heineman of Nebraska and Butch Otter of Idaho, Reps. Rom Rooney, Fla., John Mica, Fla., and Cynthia Lummis, Wyo.
–Served for a short time on the John McCain for President Ad Council

What he’ll do for Perry:
Innocenzi will help the Perry camp produce glossy video ads and viral web campaigns that will “turn ideas into issues and candidates into winners through effective and compelling emotional advertising.”

You’re gonna need some better taglines than that, Jim. How about this: “Bringing the Texas Miracle to America – Without the Drought and Wildfires”. Or “Rick Perry: Executing a New American Vision”.

Originally posted to cassandracarolina's fossil record on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 07:38 AM PDT.

Also republished by TexKos-Messing with Texas with Nothing but Love for Texans.


In addition to these folks, Team Perry should hire a

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Comment Preferences

  •  Tip Jar (8+ / 0-)

    Incremental change frightens excremental minds.

    by cassandracarolina on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 07:38:46 AM PDT

  •  I vote covert ops (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    He needs to infiltrate the Romney campaign and find a copy of what Romney actually believes.

    In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; but in practice, there always is a difference. - Yogi Berra

    by blue aardvark on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 07:49:09 AM PDT

  •  To quote Hunter S Thompson... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, DWG

    ...Romney sounds like a farmer with terminal cancer trying to borrow against next year's crop.

    But nobody's buying flowers from the flower lady.

    by Rich in PA on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 07:56:45 AM PDT

  •  Recced for this comment: (4+ / 0-)
    Curt (Anderson), we’re counting on you to get these folks organized, and all swaggering in the same direction.

    Bout sums up Texas politicians!

  •  He should have brought in a (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, DWG, Catte Nappe

    "heavy hitter" to help with his tax plan. Look, I'm a Democrat, so I'm obviously not going to agree with it. But I was sure that it would be an attractive, well-packaged tax simplification that would put him back in the game. Instead, it's a clusterfuck of added complexity. His opponents will have such a field day with it that it'll make nein-nein-nein look like ja-ja-ja.

    Does he have even one economically literate advisor?

    With every goddess a let down, every idol a bring down, it gets you down / but the search for perfection, your own predilection, goes on and on and on. . .

    by cardinal on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 08:03:14 AM PDT

    •  I have only glanced at his plan, but you're right (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      For a candidate touting his Texas "Miracle", you'd think he would have some simplified and compelling economic talking points. His "drill, baby, drill" national jobs plan came across as a tired repetition of lame ideas.

      Frankly, his advisers will have their hands full just keeping him from stumbling, making idiotic gaffes, and worrying about the skeletons in the closet.

      Incremental change frightens excremental minds.

      by cassandracarolina on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 08:06:14 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  In a nutshell, (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        his tax plan is a "flat tax" that in no way resembles a flat tax. It pulls the amazing feat of adding pages and complexity to the tax code, it forces many upper-middle income families to do their taxes twice, gives absolutely nothing to the lower 90% or so of us, and gives a massive tax break to the wealthiest wage earners.

        With every goddess a let down, every idol a bring down, it gets you down / but the search for perfection, your own predilection, goes on and on and on. . .

        by cardinal on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 09:06:27 AM PDT

        [ Parent ]

  •  I pray (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    his hair spontaneously combusts. That would be a true Texas miracle.

    Be radical in your compassion.

    by DWG on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 08:16:42 AM PDT

  •  All they now is a new candidate! (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    cassandracarolina, cany, Catte Nappe
  •  Remember the Humpty Dumpty (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    nursery rhyme?

    All of the king's horses and all of the king's men could not put Humpty Dumpty back together again.

    A recent poll shows Perry is 5th.  He is one percentage point behind Ron Paul.  His staffing up effort means its do or die time for Slick.

    We know what happens next. The mud from the sewer is about ready to fly.

    Poor Karl Rove.

    •  Yes, this is the part I've been predicting (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Libby Shaw

      and everyone thinks I've just been out in the hot Texas sun too long. Perry's the king of the vicious innuendo, the vile smear, the tricks so dirty that Karl Rove gasps in dismay. Stay tuned. This is just getting started.

      Incremental change frightens excremental minds.

      by cassandracarolina on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 11:25:25 AM PDT

      [ Parent ]

  •  Might want to change that Brownian Motion comment (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    The only kind of Brownian motion anyone in their campaign understands involves flinging poo at smarter people.

    New favorite put-down: S/he's as dumb as a flock of Sarah Palins

    by sleipner on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 12:21:49 PM PDT

    •  Sorry... I'm a scientist... can't help myself (0+ / 0-)

      You're right, though, when it comes to Perry's campaign strategy. People have yet to see the really nasty, vicious tactics that have kept our Secessionist-in-Chief in office for so long.

      Incremental change frightens excremental minds.

      by cassandracarolina on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 12:28:32 PM PDT

      [ Parent ]

      •  I lived in Houston 87 to 02 (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        So I survived a few years under his "leadership" and more under Bush...damn I wish Ann Richards had won that 94 election!

        Now I live in Los Angeles and have to deal with a state 1/3 minority that blocks any form of funding for necessary governmental functions.

        New favorite put-down: S/he's as dumb as a flock of Sarah Palins

        by sleipner on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 01:41:41 PM PDT

        [ Parent ]

        •  Would you agree that, until his presidential (0+ / 0-)

          campaign, little was known about Perry within or beyond Texas? I moved to the Houston area in 2007, and other than hearing the rumors about his, um... proclivities, he's been pretty much off the radar. The drought and wildfires have shown off his heartlessness, especially when he couldn't make the 30-mile trip from Austin to Bastrop at the height of the fires due to "logistical" reasons. He'd just returned from his whirlwind fundraising tour of California. While Texans have been to hell and back, he can't be bothered to talk to them or see how they're suffering.

          Incremental change frightens excremental minds.

          by cassandracarolina on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 01:56:56 PM PDT

          [ Parent ]

          •  I would agree (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:

            course back then I was far less politically in tune than I am today - I didn't find the Great Orange Spot until around 2007 or so...and I don't even like the color orange!

            The things that almost scare me more about him are how he's been able to more or less create a direct pay-for-play system and do almost everything campaign reform is against, but in broad daylight and utterly unashamed about it.  I don't understand why the media hasn't eviscerated him long ago.

            I also remember also how mysteriously the Houston voting machines suddenly burned down shortly before the election, ~tinfoil hat on~ and wondered if they were replaced with "specially prepared" voting machines to dilute Bill White's votes in his stronghold...certainly wouldn't put it past Perry or his supporters.  I rather liked Bill when he was mayor of Houston.

            I'm almost certain we'll see widespread election fraud in 2012 in battleground states again, like OH and particular where there's a Republican sec of state...and it's exactly the kind of play I'd expect Perry to pull.

            New favorite put-down: S/he's as dumb as a flock of Sarah Palins

            by sleipner on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 02:48:17 PM PDT

            [ Parent ]

            •  It's a mystery indeed why there's so little (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:

              coverage of these shameless shenanigans. The only benefit from this presidential campaign is that people from outside the Lone Star State are questioning why in the world we continue to elect this joker, seeing everything that's been going on. The answer is a combination of nasty tactics by the Perry campaign, state demographics tilting too much to the GOP side, voter ignorance and apathy, mysterious voting machine fires and tampering, and lack of an effective Democrative get-out-the-vote effort. Bill White was a great mayor, a real problem solver and humanitarian.

              My hope is that Perry is so damaged, exhausted, or otherwise disinterested in continuing his reign of "error" here in Texas that he rides off into the sunset. My fear is that his deep-pocket donors, who have invested heavily in his faltering campaign, will push, pull, or drag him across the finish line, whether or not he wants to campaign. If he stays here in Texas as governor, I hope that the continued scrutiny drives him out of politics.

              Incremental change frightens excremental minds.

              by cassandracarolina on Tue Oct 25, 2011 at 03:16:24 PM PDT

              [ Parent ]

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