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It's 11:15pm Central time and my roommate just got home from work. There is a lot of stuff recorded on the DVR, but he just wants to catch up on the day's news and he's not in the mood to have me rant it out for him kabuki style. No, we can't watch South Park and we CERTAINLY cannot watch Tosh.0 because that is forbidden so let's look for some news about what happened today.

First up. channel 1202.  CNN, ugh but it's news only it's not news it's Piers Morgan. Oh look, he's talking to Colin about how interesting it is to be a black person and how that actually makes your life more difficult, especially when you decide to become a Republican.

Who knew? Next.

One channel up and we find HLN.  That stands for Head Line News for all you neophytes.  I can't wait to find out what the headlines are.  Perhaps someone solved the problem of cold fusion.

Dr. Drew.  Talking about child molestation at Penn State.  An important topic, no doubt, but I really just need an update on what's happening in the world today that might possibly affect my life.  Headlines if possible.

1204. FOX.  I'm an adult.  I can watch FOX and discern the propaganda from the real news and the opinions from the facts and omg did you know that Obama is creating a black hole in Brazil??  

1205.  Wow, that was close.  Ok, I'm getting serious.  News is my quest, my goal, my reason for getting off the couch every couple of weeks!  What is 1205, btw?  FBN.  Fox Business Network!?!  Nooooooooooo.

1206. What happened?  Where am I?  Oh, crap, I must have blacked out but I see I managed to change channels at the last possible moment allowing me a few more hours of tortured existence.  MSNBC.  I'm saved.  I am praying to you now, oh Uverse media gods.  Please do not be showing prison programming. (and grammar gods forgive me!)

Praise the Lord, it's Rachel.  But still, my quest specifically states (extremely anal boyfriend, er roommate) that I find some news on cable TV.  You know, like what was all over cable TV 20 years ago.  Not opinion spots.  Not news with product placement.  Just news.  With Walter Cronkite if possible.

Alas, I failed.  Miserably.  23,576 channels and not one running a current news stream.  

It's not as if nothing is happening.  I could probably start a network covering only OWS streams.  

I've found it! I had to stream it over the Internet since it's officially news and therefore not carried by cable companies.

Al Jazeera.  America's most trusted news network.  Hey, wake up!  I found it.

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Comment Preferences

  •  So many 24-hour news networks, (6+ / 0-)

    so little actual news being broadcast.

    I've turned completely away from television news at this point. If I wanted stupid opinions I'd go talk to my drunk friends. Al Jazeera is the one island (ha ha) in the sea of bullshit that I still somewhat trust.

    It's all down to ratings. People would rather watch something entertaining than something educational. That's why TLC and Discovery are all reality shows, and that's why our news networks are useless if you want real news.

    If you're reading this, you just lost the game. (-10.00, -8.87)

    by Texas Revolutionary on Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 11:21:27 PM PST

  •  LOL! n/t (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:

    Over the past 30-odd years, the Democrats have moved to the right, and the Republicans have moved into a mental hospital. --Bill Maher

    by Youffraita on Thu Nov 10, 2011 at 11:59:17 PM PST

  •  I do the same doggone thing. Sort of. (5+ / 0-)

    I abandoned pay-again-TV many years ago so I don't even get a chance to surf 23 channels (let alone 23k+) for news.

    But I do keep the Livestation desktop app feeding a TV in two-channel mode: the left side's tuned to AJE and the right side to RT.

    Been that way for quite a while now, and I probably get 1000 times more (and better) informed commentary and insight on US news and events than from any of the US corporate channels.

    Likewise, growing up in central Ohio, we always had subscriptions to the Cleveland and Cincy newspapers primarily to keep tabs on what was going on just down the street at the Statehouse... because we probably weren't going to get the straight poop from the local rag located right across the street from it (and, unsurprisingly, we still don't).

    That was Mom's idea - rest her soul :)

    GOP: Guardians of the One Percent

    by here4tehbeer on Fri Nov 11, 2011 at 01:14:03 AM PST

    •  I'm not sure how much better (0+ / 0-)

      the Cinci/Cleve papers are; I hear the Plain Dealer is pretty conservative and I always thought it was more "neutral" or Dem-leaning.   I know Cinci as a town is pretty conservative so it makes me wonder about the paper.

      I don't take the Dispatch at all, period.  It sucks in the political/editorial arena, and I don't need the comics that much.

      I get my news from NPR (which has its own problems, to be sure) and the NYT headlines subscription via email.  Oh yeah, and the Great Orange Satan - my MAIN source of what's happening in the world.

      Great evil has been done on earth by people who think they have all the answers. - Lynn W Andrews 1987

      by Spirit of Life on Fri Nov 11, 2011 at 08:36:04 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Absolutely brilliant. (3+ / 0-)

    I recall the last time I came face-to-face with full-blown Dish. I was a house guest, and retired to my room, thoughtfully equipped with a "television." I turned it on and was stunned. Took to my bed and didn't leave the room for three days. My host had to bring me food and water.

    When I finally emerged, I was significantly dumber.

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