It's 11:15pm Central time and my roommate just got home from work. There is a lot of stuff recorded on the DVR, but he just wants to catch up on the day's news and he's not in the mood to have me rant it out for him kabuki style. No, we can't watch South Park and we CERTAINLY cannot watch Tosh.0 because that is forbidden so let's look for some news about what happened today.
First up. channel 1202. CNN, ugh but it's news only it's not news it's Piers Morgan. Oh look, he's talking to Colin about how interesting it is to be a black person and how that actually makes your life more difficult, especially when you decide to become a Republican.
Who knew? Next.
One channel up and we find HLN. That stands for Head Line News for all you neophytes. I can't wait to find out what the headlines are. Perhaps someone solved the problem of cold fusion.
Dr. Drew. Talking about child molestation at Penn State. An important topic, no doubt, but I really just need an update on what's happening in the world today that might possibly affect my life. Headlines if possible.
1204. FOX. I'm an adult. I can watch FOX and discern the propaganda from the real news and the opinions from the facts and omg did you know that Obama is creating a black hole in Brazil??
1205. Wow, that was close. Ok, I'm getting serious. News is my quest, my goal, my reason for getting off the couch every couple of weeks! What is 1205, btw? FBN. Fox Business Network!?! Nooooooooooo.
1206. What happened? Where am I? Oh, crap, I must have blacked out but I see I managed to change channels at the last possible moment allowing me a few more hours of tortured existence. MSNBC. I'm saved. I am praying to you now, oh Uverse media gods. Please do not be showing prison programming. (and grammar gods forgive me!)
Praise the Lord, it's Rachel. But still, my quest specifically states (extremely anal boyfriend, er roommate) that I find some news on cable TV. You know, like what was all over cable TV 20 years ago. Not opinion spots. Not news with product placement. Just news. With Walter Cronkite if possible.
Alas, I failed. Miserably. 23,576 channels and not one running a current news stream.
It's not as if nothing is happening. I could probably start a network covering only OWS streams.
I've found it! I had to stream it over the Internet since it's officially news and therefore not carried by cable companies.
Al Jazeera. America's most trusted news network. Hey, wake up! I found it.