It might seem like there is nothing funny about cancer and in a way that's true. It's just so damn awful. Yet in the midst of the worst of it, I seem to find so many things to laugh at. I'll share some of those below and feel free to share whatever is making you laugh or keeping you laughing. If you're not feeling humour at the moment take some of ours and leave whatever it is you're feeling so that we can share that too.
Pushing Through
It’s possible I am pushing through solid rock
in flintlike layers, as the ore lies, alone;
I am such a long way in I see no way through,
and no space: everything is close to my face,
and everything close to my face is stone.
I don’t have much knowledge yet in grief–
so this massive darkness makes me small.
You be the master: make yourself fierce, break in: then your great transforming
will happen to me, and my great grief cry will happen to you.
Rainer Maria Rilke
I tend to make myself fierce by laughing. So here we go with just a few snippets from my journey:
* My first reaction to being diagnosed with cancer was to think "Oh my God! I need to wash my car". Now, every day I drive my dirty little car up to homes worth 1 and 2 million dollars and never care what my car looks like, but a cancer diagnosis sends my brain a message to wash it????
•The second time a medical professional told me I had cancer she came in the room and said "So, you've got the big C". Then she said that she understood that I had practiced holistic medicine all my life and started going on about the "Trinity".
This was only the second time I had heard that I had cancer said out loud and it was quite a shock. It kept running through my head "cancer, cancer, cancer, cancer, holy shit, cancer." Plus I am an atheist and was raised an atheist. When she said "trinity" I could hardly hear (because my brain was shouting "CANCER") and what I heard was "trilogy". For the life of me I could not figure out cancer had to do with Star Wars. Later what baffled me was that she thought "holistic" and "religious" were connected.
•When I first woke up from surgery a nurse was patting my hand and saying "Well, whatever else your parents did they raised a polite child." Oh my God! I was panicked that I had told everyone my childhood while under the influence. I obsessed about that for days. I finally let it go realizing that I would never see those people again. Then I got a call saying I needed another surgery 10 days later. I would see them again!
•After each of my surgeries, everyone said how great my color looked. I looked in the mirror and I was pale, pasty and blotchy. I finally came to the (drug induced) conclusion that since I had had surgery in a predominantly black hospital, the remark "your color looks good" might have been relief that I came out still white.
•Speaking of drugs I tried several pain meds after each surgery. Vivcadin is the one they seem to give out like candy. It did ok with the pain but hyped me up so that I couldn't sleep and I needed sleep badly. They switched me to Oxycontin (Rush Limbaugh's drug of choice). I liked this one. I did hallucinate on it but that didn't worry me. A friend of me intervened asking me "Can you see people standing here now?" Yes, I could. "Do you believe they are really here, she asked?" I told her that I did see 3 people standing right next to her and the fact that I knew they couldn't physically fit in the space didn't mean I didn't see them. She called my doctor and they took the good drugs away.
A few days later I was sitting out in the sun covered with a blanket and it occurred to me that Oxycontin is the reason Rush is so crazy. I thought about that for a slow minute and then I wondered why his audience is also so crazy? My friends didn't go along with my odd notions, they got me help.
•Helpful friends warned me not to drink the water in plastic bottles that were left in the car because they could cause cancer. I thought that ship had sailed but appreciated their concern. Other folks came out of the woodwork to offer me pot. As far as I know pot doesn't help with cancer it helps with chemo and I declined the chemo part of my treatment. What amazed me was how many people seem to have pot. Bankers, lawyers, a lot of people in suits. I didn't realize so many people still smoke pot.
•And a last word on drugs - don't shop online when you're recovering from surgery!! I spend several hours shopping for light switch covers. $100 worth of light switch covers! They are really nice but, really! I finally just had to stay off the internet which lost me my trusted user status eventually. Some parts of cancer have these types of sad consequences.
So how about you all? What has you laughing?
Monday Night Cancer Club is a Daily Kos group focused on dealing with cancer, primarily for cancer survivors and caregivers, though clinicians, researchers, and others with a special interest are also welcome. Volunteer diarists post Monday evenings between 8-9 PM ET on topics related to living with cancer, which is very broadly defined to include physical, spiritual, emotional and cognitive aspects. Mindful of the controversies endemic to cancer prevention and treatment, we ask that both diarists and commenters keep an open mind regarding strategies for surviving cancer, whether based in traditional, Eastern, Western, allopathic or other medical practices. This is a club no one wants to join, in truth, and compassion will help us make it through the challenge together.
A few of my lovely light switch covers: