Today I haz a sad.
There's not really any other way to describe it.
I'm too tired and hungry to be angry any more.
Yes, I went to the food bank yesterday. I also checked with my rabbi - and everything that doesn't have a hechsher (a symbol of rabbinical supervision) I have to give to other people who are not Jewish. So about a third of the food I received, I can't actually eat. My neighbour will be happy though.
I'm hurt because my mum posted on Facebook about how they had an early Turkey Day with "all the family" - while I was standing on line to get some treyfe food. And if I'm willing to stand in the rain today, I might get a food basket for Thanksgiving - also full of treyfe I'm not to eat. And you know what - I will, simply so I can cook something to share with The Deckhand.
I'm hurt because I can't share my favourite American holiday with my wife. She's not here - she's working at home (Australia) to support her and the kids. There's not any extra this year.
I'm ashamed I had to go stand on line for food. I'm ashamed I had to call a friend to get a ride home because the food would have been ruined had I walked home. I'm ashamed he was embarrassed about how poor I am.
Nigel has cat food because our neighbours cat got put on a diet. Not because I could buy it for him. Food stamps don't buy cat food.
Hell I'm ashamed to be writing this, but I need to do something to get it out of my system.
We showed our super sekrit design to someone yesterday we hoped would back us - and he said it was great, showed it to 3 other people and then didn't back us. Now we're worried we might lose our design - the only thing we are hanging our hope on at this point other than G-d. We pray a lot.
So I haz a sad. And likely will for the next 6 moths or so until the boat stops leaking and the sun comes back out.
Avoid being poor if you can. It sucks.