Whereas; Corporations are People, and granted all of the rights and protections enumerated in the Bill of Rights by the Fourteenth Amendment to the Constitution.
Whereas; the First Amendment states that Congress shall make no law abridging the freedom of speech; or the right of the people to peacably assemble; and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances; and the Fourteenth Amendment applies these restrictions to state and local governments as well.
Whereas; political speech shall not be unduly restricted in traditional venues of free discourse, including, but not limited to, public parks, common areas, courthouses, city assemblies, newspapers, television, and radio waves.
Whereas; a person's right to demonstrate their political beliefs in a traditional venue of free discourse shall not exceed a corporation's right to demonstrate in any venue of free discourse.
Therefore,
- Corporate demonstrations on television and radio shall be restricted to designated "free speech times" between the hours of midnight and 6:00 a.m. This restriction will ensure that corporations are allowed to express their political beliefs without inhibiting the free flow of commerce by crowding out legitimate commercial advertisements.
-Any corporate demonstration involving more than 12 corporations at one time shall require preregistration with the Department of Corporate Speech and a $500 speech tax for each 30 seconds of television or radio time.
- Corporate demonstrations shall be limited to 3 minutes in a single month in order to prevent television and radio airwaves from being monopolized by a single special interest. If two corporate demonstrations share similar topics or themes they shall be deemed to be the same corporate demonstration and collectively be limited to 3 minutes per month.
- The use of tents, tarps, generators, and electronic equipment in the production of corporate demonstrations for television and radio shall be strictly prohibited. Any equipment which may cause a fire hazard, such as laptops, computers, generators, or electronic cameras and microphones shall be prohibited in the production of all corporate demonstrations.
-Any minor child appearing in a corporate demonstrations shall be flagged for investigation by child protective services, because the danger of exposure to feces, garbage, or dirty needles inherent in the production of corporate political speech necessitates government intervention.
-Any corporation who violates any one of these restrictions shall have their corporate headquarters barricaded and their employees pepper-sprayed after a single silent warning.