I finally tackled chapter eight of episode two. I should've had the whole episode done weeks ago, but this chapter kept hanging me up. There are a couple of reasons why I struggled with it - firstly, because I wanted it to give Sammy some development and help flesh him out a little more, but I couldn't think of how. Secondly, because it deals with some pretty personal issues about being in a wheelchair. Specifically, it deals with how we often get treated like the odd man out in social circles. It was a very difficult chapter for me to write, and I'll probably want to clean it up and pad it out a bit on the second draft, but for now it's done and I can move on with the rest of the episode.
An excerpt:
“I miss you guys too,” Sammy said, trying to smooth things out. “I’d love to go out sometime if you guys want to give me a call and set something up.”
“Just you, or the two of you?”
“I can come alone, if it’s that big of a deal, though you guys really don’t know her and aren’t exactly giving her a chance. It makes it difficult for me to want to hang out with my old friends when my new friend isn’t welcome.”
Hannah hesitated before answering. “You’re right, we really don’t know her all that well, but it’s kind of hard to plan a night out or do the things we used to do given her situation.”
Sammy lifted one brow. “She’s in a wheelchair, not an iron lung for fuck’s sake. She can drink, she can dance, she even has her own vehicle. She can go anywhere we want.” He straightened and scratched the back of his head, his annoyance and frustration returning. “Is this shit for real? You guys don’t want her around because it might be inconvenient for you?”
“Look, it’s not that we don’t want her around, or that she might be inconvenient, it’s just…. Going out should be fun, and we worry that we might decide to go somewhere she can’t get in, or do something that she won’t enjoy, you know?”
Sammy shook his head and offered a sad smile. “I get it. It’s hard to have fun when you have to think of someone other than yourself. Do you know how much bullshit that is? You’re coming up with all these problems that haven’t even happened yet, all these ways she might drag you down, and it’s all total bullshit. I think you’re right. I probably don’t want to hang out with you guys anymore. Call me someday if you guys decide to grow up.”
I've often felt in my various circles of friends and peers over my life that I'm an inconvenience, a third wheel that drags everything down. I can't go certain places, I can't do certain things, and often I'd get left out of things as a result. On the one hand, I feel bad because people shouldn't have to schedule their life around what I can and can't do or where I can and can't go. On the other hand, it's incredibly painful to be left behind, especially when it seems so easy for people to do, to leave me behind without another thought.
It's another one of the demons that I've been able to exorcise through writing about a disabled character, and it's another reason why I'm doing it.
This is why I believe in what I'm doing, and why it's so important to me. This is why I'm asking for your help in getting the project off the ground. If you haven't yet, check out my Kickstarter page and watch the video where I tell you about what I'm doing. It got off to a good start, but we stalled in the last few days. If I'm going to meet the goal by the end of the deadline, I'm going to need things to pick up again. I humbly ask for your help.