GUS (Gave Up Smoking) is a community support diary for Kossacks in the midst of quitting smoking. Any supportive comments, suggestions or positive distractions are appreciated. If you are quitting or thinking of quitting (or want to support quitters), please - join us! We kindly ask that politics be left out.
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This weekend I made my annual clock radio alarm station switch, from NPR to the local station that plays Christmas music 24/7 from Thanksgiving to December 25th. So this morning, instead of being simultaneously bored and annoyed awake by the ever-tedious Marketplace and the familiar dull murmur of Morning Edition, I started my day with the familiar holiday hits I've listened to since I was a kid.
From the very first notes, just like that, I was positively awash in holiday nostalgia. Me, the bleary-eyed, fuzzy-headed Anti-Early Bird got out of bed humming "It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas" with a smile on my face. My sleepy neurons offered up childhood memories straight out of an MGM musical, with crackling fires and hot cocoa and the big, sparkly tree piled with colorfully wrapped gifts. You could practically smell the cookies baking.
Except...I don't know exactly where those memories were coming from. Maybe it was some old MGM musical, who knows? It certainly wasn't my actual life!
Oh, don't get me wrong: I did actually experience some of those things growing up. It's just that they were not experienced as some kind of gauzy, twinkly, effort-free, perfect burst of Idealized Holiday Magic of the sort my memory was offering up. For example, the crackling fire wouldn't exist if we hadn't hauled in the wood ourselves at the frozen crack of dark, brushing dirt and sawdust and bugs off of our flannel sleeves after trudging back from the woodpile. The big sparkly tree is an amalgam of all the trees: some Charlie Brown-ish, some pretty amazing, mostly chopped down or sawed by hand and dragged into one house or another (and sworn at repeatedly as we wrestled with an ancient metal tree stand missing one of it's screws). We might've had real homemade cocoa afterward, but more often than not, it was a cup of instant Swiss Miss held between numb fingers. The piles of presents? Sometimes there were a bunch, and sometimes...well, not so many. We were far more likely to smell cigarette and wood smoke and scorched coffee left on the burner too long than freshly baked cookies.
Meanwhile, my faulty neurons and synapses were replaying some kind of crazy Perry Como Christmas Special memory, instead of my complicated, messy, real-life experiences. Why?
"Rose-colored glasses are never made in bifocals. Nobody wants to read the small print in dreams."
- Ann Landers
The easy answer might be that many of us ignore or gloss over the bad and emphasize the good things we experience as a sort of self-protective move. The old hurts seem to hurt a bit less if they're obscured or replaced by something cheerier, simpler, and altogether more perfect than the life most of us actually lead. We slip on those rose-colored glasses and everything just seems a little easier to deal with.
Then there's plain ol' optimism. The "glass half full" camp are notorious for downplaying the pitfalls and disappointments and embracing the possibilities and pluses, past or future.
We do the same thing when we're making plans or embarking on some sort of life change, too. It's almost irresistible, that view through the rose-colored glasses. We'll never cheat on this diet or that partner; never have a bad day on the new job or be tempted by another drink or cigarette. We'll never make a bad choice, admit we were wrong, or have to second-guess the happy, shiny rightness of the path we're setting out on. It'll be one big gorgeous slice of perfection worthy of the center spread in Martha Stewart Living or the cover of Oprah's magazine.
Except it isn't. It never is. Never can be, really. Perfection is nigh on impossible when released into the wild. Chaos ensues. Things go wrong. We mess up, because we're human. Stress happens. Reality bites. Suddenly, there are cracks in those pink-tinted lenses; the future doesn't seem so rosy. When that happens, it's all too easy to lose heart, and hope.
Don't.
An optimistic, rose-colored view isn't a bad thing to have. It's one of the reasons we even dare to attempt the really hard things, and one of the tools we have at our disposal to make the tough experiences we all go through a little easier to take. That rosy outlook might make the difference between weathering a truly difficult experience with few scars to show from it and getting absolutely pummeled by it.
The way I see it, that bizarre Perry Como Christmas special in my brain may not bear much resemblance to some of the more fractious or baffling or downright painful holiday experiences I've had, but that doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing. In a strange way, it's sort of a "best-case scenario" I can tote around with me as I navigate the stressful, messy day-to-day challenges of real life. Gives me something to aim for. If it happens, I'll be pleasantly surprised (and probably a little weirded out, too, because honestly? NOBODY'S life is a Perry Como Christmas special...not even Perry Como's). If not? Well, I can always slip on those rosy shades and give it another go.
Who's your Buddy?
1BQ, 3rdGenFeminist, Abra Crabcakeya, Actbriniel, addisnana, AfroPonix, aishmael, Alise, Alpha99, A Man Called Gloom, ambeeeant, American in Kathmandu, amk for obama, andsarahtoo, angry marmot, Anne933, anodnhajo, aoeu, aquarius2001, arcadesproject, Archie2227, arodb, Arthur Wolf (in memoriam), assyrian64, awkawk, b4uknowit, bamablue, BARAKABETH, barnowl, b barrie, bdizz, beatpanda, BFSkinner, bgblcklab1, BigAlinWashSt, Bike Crash, BirderWitch, BJKay, bleeding heart, blingbling65, blue husky, Blue Intrigue, BluejayRN, BlueJessamine, bluestatedem84, BoiseBlue, Brahman Colorado, breedlovinit, BrenP, BrowniesAreGood, bsmechanic, buddabelly, burrow owl, BusyinCa, Carol in San Antonio, CathiefromCanada, CathodeRay, CDH in Brooklyn, cee4, Cen Den, ChiTownDenny, ChocolateChris, ChurchofBruce, ciganka, cinnamondog, citizenx, Cleante, Code Monkey, codobus, Coldblue Steele, Colorado is the Shiznit, coloradomomma, commonmass, Common Sense Mainer, congenitalefty, coppercelt, dadanation, dangoch, DarienComp, Dauber, Dauphin, Dave in AZ, demkat620, Dexter, Diana in NoVa, Dickie, DiegoUK, Dingodude, dirtdude, distraught, djMikulec, dolfin66, donnamarie, Donna O, dotsright, DRo, droogie6655321, Dube, duckhunter, Eclectablog, Eddie C, EdgedInBlue, effervescent, elbamash, El barragas, el vasco, ericlewis0, Everest42, Ex Con, fhamme, Fineena, fiona2, fishhawk, Flea, FlipperWaves, flumptytail, fritzi56, FrugalGranny, Garrett, Gator, gchaucer2, GDbot, Geiiga, GenXangster, Georgianna Darcy, glpaul, GN1927, gooderservice, gooners, gravlax, greylox, grndrush, GrumpyWarriorPoet, gzodik, Haole in Hawaii, HappyinNM, henlesloop, HeyMikey, hideinplainsight, High Tide, hiliner68, hold tight, hulibow, I love OCD, Im a frayed knot, imisa, Indexer, indubitably, indyada, Interceptor7, inventor, I said GOOD DAY sir, itsbenj, Jahiz, JamesEB, janl1776, Janeo, JayinPortland, jayjaybear, jbou, Jeffersonian Democrat, jmadlc55, jmonch, Joe's Steven aka Steven, john07801, johngoes, jsfox, JVolvo's Mom, jwinIL14, kai99, kailuacaton, Kamakhya, kat herder, Kelly of PA, kestrel9000, khloemi, Khun David, Kitsap River, kittania, Kodiak54, Kristina40, Ksholl, labwitchy, Lady Kestrel, ladypockt, Lahdee, langerdang, LarsThorwald, LA rupert, last starfighter, LaughingPlanet, Laurie Gator, Lipstick Liberal, litoralis, lmdonovan, lockewasright, longislandny, luvsathoroughbred, maggiemay, magicsister, mango, Marc in KS, marknspokane, maryabein, Matt Esler, mdemploi, Meteor Blades, Micburke, michael1104, MillieNeon, Minerva1157, MinervainNH, Missys Brother, mjbleo, MnRaindog, mntleo2, Morague, Mr Bojangles, mrsgoo, mskitty, msmacgyver, MsWings, Murphoney, nannyboz, ncsuLAN, NearlyNormal, Nedsdag, Nick Zouroudis, notgivingup, NY brit expat, one pissed off democrat, operculum, OrangeMike, Ordvefa, Overseas, OverTheEdge, pager, paige, PaintyKat, paradox, parryander, paulitics, Pennsylvanian, phrogge prince, Positronicus, post rational, Proud Mom and Grandma, psycho liberal, ptolemynm, Purple Priestess, PvtJarHead, racheltracks, randallt, real world chick, red mittens, Reepicheep, regis, relentless, revelwoodie, revsue, Rex Manning, rexymeteorite, RiaD, rickeagle, ridemybike, rightiswrong, rincewind, rkex, roadlion, Roger Fox, Rosebuddear, roses, rscopes, Rudini, Safina, SallyCat, Sark Svemes, sboucher, scooter in brooklyn, Scrapyard Ape, seenaymah, sfbob, sgary, Shahryar, sheddhead, Shifty18, shmuelman, shopkeeper, sidious666, slowbutsure, smartcookienyc, smeesq, snoopydawg, snorwich, SnyperKitty, SoCalHobbit, sofia, soonergrunt, sostos, sowsearsoup, SpecialKinFlag, spmozart, spotDawa, SpotTheCat, StateofGrace, Statusquomustgo, stiffneck, sunbro, Super Grover, Syoho, tallmom, Tay, tdslf1, teknospaz, theatre goon, The Eyewitness Muse, TheGeneral, TheStoopingRabbit, TigerMom, tiredofcrap, TomP, tonyahky, Toyotabob7, Treefrog, triciawyse, trs, trueblueliberal, ttanner, Tulsonian, Turn VABlue, Turtle Bay, Tyto Alba, uc booker, UncleCharlie, Unduna, Unforgiven, ursoklevar, USArmyParatrooper, VA02 femocrat, Vacationland, valadon, Vayle, Vetwife, vgranucci, waytac, webranding, weelzup, Wes Opinion, Whimsical Rapscallion, willy be frantic, willy mugobeer, Wood Dragon, wolfie1818, Wordsinthewind, Wreck Smurfy, x, xopher, yet another liberal, Zotz
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Up this week:
Tue PM: Vacationland (You Are Here)
Wed AM: Open
Wed PM: FrugalGranny
Thu Mid-day: Dave in AZ (now on Thursdays!)
Fri AM: flumptytail's always festive Friday AM thread
Fri PM: Open
Sat AM: effervescent (bring your yoga mat!)
Sat PM: Open
Sun AM: Safina
Sun PM: Open
Mon AM: Open
Mon PM: ChocolateChris (MNF Edition!)
Tue AM: Open
Taking a break:
aoeu, perhaps back soon with a weekly slot on The Get?
anodnhajo/dan - hope to see you on the roster again soon! :-)
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